Innocence and a Broken Heart

5 months and 9 days passed since the drama at the beach and yes I am a loser who counts the days, deal with it. You'd think that after what I said he'd come chasing up the beach after me, grab me, turn me to him and tell me he loves me and he always has. Thats what I thought, but he didn't. Acually he didn't do anything. He acted like nothing happened, and still does. And nothing has happened since. Well I mean besides the fact that he started dating my little sister.

"Hey." Nathan said walking into my kitchen one saturday morning like he owned the place. I was sitting at the island eating a bowl of lucky charms and reading the wall street journal. My hair was up in a messy bun, I was wearing a big sweatshirt and a pair of boxers with little piggies on them.

"What? You just walk in now." I said with a glare. He shrugged, "She's not here." I said turning back to my paper and shoving a spoonful of ceral into my mouth.

"Oh." He said, his expression remained the same. "Well do you want to hang out?" He said, lifting himself on to the island beside me, his muscles flexing has he rested his hands on the table, his abs visual through the tight shirt wet shirt he was wearing.

"Why would I hang out with my sisters boyfriend?" I asked, not looking up from the paper.

"We were friends first." He said quietly. I could feel him looking at me, his eyes burning into my shoulder.

"Yeah, and now we aren't." I said standing up and putting my bowl in the sink.

"See that seems stupid to me. At one point we were so close then one day we weren't."

"It didn't exactly happen like that." I said, turning to glare at him.

"Yes it did."

"No. It didn't."

"How come?"

"Becuase you're an asshole."

"Am not!" He cried.

"When a girl tells you that you broke their heart you don't act like nothings wrong! You do something about it." I screamed, the anger and pain I'd felt during these five months exploding inside me, the hurt scorching through my veins.

"Oh. That." He said quietly, barley above a whisper. He looked like he might throw up.

"Yeah. That." I spat sharply. The room went silent, all that could be heard was the soft pitter patter of the rain against the roof.

"Look, I'm sorry." He said hoping off the island slowly and walking towards me. "I'm sorry I hurt you." My throat burned and my eyes became heavy, the feeling you get when your about to bawl. I coughed back the cry, blinking to keep the tears from falling. If they fell, they might not stop.

"No you're not." I said slowly, looking down, a tear drop escaping and sliding down my cheek. "You can't be because you can't understand and you won't."

"Lily..." he said taking my hands in his.

"No Nathan. Stop it...."

"Lily..." his voice was soft and inviting, like if I just fell into his arms everything would be okay. All the pain and tears would be erased and I would finally be okay and I could stop hurting. "Lily," he cooed.

"Stop doing that." I sighed, the tears pouring down, "stop it. Its not fair."

"Lily, look at me." He said, taking my chin between his fingers. "I'm sorry."

"I can't do this." I said quietly, turning me head letting his fingers drop. " I have to uh get the mail." I said running past him and out the garage.

"But its pouring," he yelled after me, chasing me out the door. "Lily!" He called.

I ran as the rain poured down around me, my tears mixing with it. My hair was soaked now as I pulled it out of my bun and shook it.

"Why?!" I cried to the sky, to anyone really. To God maybe. I don't know. "Why now?" I screamed, collapsing to the ground. My heart hurt. It physically ached. I was so confused. Everything I wanted had just happened and yet I felt sadder then ever. I sat there, my face burried in my knees as the tears poured from my soul.

"Lily!" He said from behind me. His body drenched in the rain that was coming down harder and harder. "How did I do it?" He asked softly. "How did I break it."

"I loved you and you didn't want me. I was never good enough, and I'm still not." I said quietly not moving. We both just stood there as the impact of those words hit him as the thunder crashed around us.