Sideshow Girl

"Take what you want from me," I sang. "And I think I can't feel anymore." Name Taken was blaring through my car speakers as I drove from Scott's apartment to the festival grounds. I parked and left my car, heading for the gates. Asbestos and Bik had also just pulled in.

"Good song?" Bik asked, putting his car keys away.

"We could hear your stereo half a block away," Asbestos elaborated.

"Excellent song," I said. "It's by one of my favorite bands."

"That's always good," Bik agreed. "My favorite band is the Doors." The guys joined me, yawning and stumbling over rocks in the parking lot. Bik sipped the cup of Starbuck's in his hand. "If you make a comment about sixteenth century Starbuck's, I will kick you," he said with a grin, poking me in the nose.

"Can I make a comment about sixteenth century Starbuck's without being kicked?" Asbestos asked.

"You know, when you think about it," I started, "we're really not far removed from this time period." We passed through the gates. "We're only five centuries removed."

"Yes," Bik agreed, "but look at all that's been accomplished in five hundred years."

"Not much," I said. "I suppose one could argue for computers and robots, but they had mechanical men and computer-like things in the 1500s. All we've really accomplished is not hanging and burning people to death for being magicians."

"You're right," Asbestos said, smiling at me. "Smarty."

"People in the 1500s could be hanged for being magicians?" Bik asked. "I thought it was mostly pirating, prostitution, infidelity. Those sorts of things."

"It was," I said. "There were also cases of people committing crimes and being boiled to death in oil." Bik cringed. "It's true," I went on. "They weren't just thrown in, either. They were hung by ropes under their armpits and lowered into the oil by degrees. First the feet, then the legs, and so forth; and in so doing, their flesh was boiled from their bones alive."

"Stop, stop, stop!" Bik begged. "Louie, that's enough!"

"I think I'm going to throw up, Lou," Asbestos said. "That is the most horrid, disgusting thing I've ever heard. You should work as one of those people that walks around here giving random history lessons."

"Nah," I said. "I like putting sharp metal objects down my throat."

"Whatever floats your boat," he said.

"That'd be Jell-O," I said.

"I'd hate to go boating down a river of Jell-O," Bik commented.

"That's your opinion," I said. "You didn't bring Voti today?"

"Were we supposed to?" Asbestos asked. "Did you guys have fun yesterday?"

"Oh, yeah," I said. "We went and saw Johnny's show. We sat in the front row, and of course he had to remember me from last weekend when he borrowed wicking from Bik. Poor Voti almost ended up being the guy onstage in a bra. I practically begged Johnny to pick someone else."

"Yeah, Voti can be a little shy," Bik said. "Glad you had a good time, though." We reached the stage and sat on it.

"It was weird when I got back to Scott's and told him about Voti," I said. The guys looked questioningly at me. "I told him that you guys brought a kid my age, and that he and I went to a show together. He didn't seem too interested in the conversation anymore. Actually, he seemed downright annoyed. He just sat in the chair with his head in his hands, going, 'uh-huh, great.' He acted like my mom does whenever I try to tell her about something that interests me."

"Sounds like Scott's jealous," Asbestos said.

"You're crazy, Asbestos," I scoffed. "Why would Scott be jealous?" Bik coughed. I glared at him.

"What?" he asked. "I didn't say anything."

"Hey, Bik," Asbestos said, patting his friend on the back. "You should go someplace. Go... count the windows in Bad Manor or something."

"Why?" Bik asked. "I don't care how many windows are in Bad Manor."

"Then go see if the Danger Committee is here yet and hang out with them," Asbestos sighed.

"I get the distinct feeling that you don't want me over here right now," Bik said. Asbestos rolled his eyes. "I'll go." He pushed himself off the stage and left Sherwood.

"Sometimes I think he expects me to take care of him," Asbestos said after Bik left. "I have my own kids to look after, thanks." He sighed and shut his eyes a moment, then looked at me. "How do you not see it?"

"See what?" I asked.

"You and Scott," he replied. "You two are like a shitty romantic comedy. Not the good kind where the main characters are about to break up or get divorced and then they realize how much they love each other. More like the kind where the main characters don't realize that they can have a healthy relationship if they just tell each other how they feel."

"Asbestos," I sighed. "Dane, I know there could be something between Scott and myself. But he knows I don't date, so there's no reason for it. I've avoided dating since I was fifteen and got my heart broken by a boy I really thought I loved. I mean, Patrick and I have made up and moved on. We're actually friends now; but that doesn't change what he did to me."

"You may say you've moved on," Asbestos said as he got up and made for the red curtain at the back of the stage, "but you're wrong. If you had really moved on, you wouldn't have that irrational fear of getting into another relationship." Then, as fast as I can snap my fingers, he disappeared behind the curtain. I couldn't tell you why I started crying, but I did. Asbestos peeked around the curtain and withdrew again. A few seconds later, he came out with tissues. "I didn't mean to make you cry," he said, holding them out to me. I blew my nose.

"Why would you think I would ruin my friendship with Scott?" I asked in a trembling voice. "When I start dating again, it's not going to be Scott. I'll still want him with me to support me, because that's what best friends do. But I can never consider dating him. If things go awry, as they tend to do for me, I wouldn't just be losing another guy. I'd be losing my best friend."

"I'm really sorry," Asbestos said, his hand making small circles on my back. "Just remember, there will come a time where you have to choose to take a risk or stay in your little safety zone. Whatever risk it is, I hope you take it. You never know what can happen until you try."