This Is Becoming a Catastrophe

On the way home I was surprised that I didn’t feel any different about Kyle now that I know he has feelings for me. I guess I was just used to it from Colby. Anyone who didn’t know Colby and I very well would say that we were a couple, but once you see Colby and Kyle, our relationship is like an acquaintance. They care so much for each other it’s almost unreal; like something you’d see in a movie. Kyle and I aren’t close like Colby and I, but we’re close in the way that we can tell each other anything and we can basically tell when something’s wrong within the first ten seconds of being around each other. He was my best friend all through high school, besides Colby, who went to a different school before he got kicked out. But, ironically, Kyle switched schools right as Colby transferred. It made me mad; I just wanted them to meet, and with Kyle and Colby’s work schedules, as well as my own, there was never a time where they could meet, until, finally, two years ago...

It’s a year since high school ended, and I’m convinced that Colby was Kyle’s other half. We all have a day off in the middle of July, and I found that it’s the perfect day for them to meet. I called them both and told them to meet me in the park a couple blocks from my house. They agreed, not knowing that the other was going to be there. The perfect blind date.
I made sure to get there early enough so they wouldn’t beat me there. I knew I was going to see Colby first; he’s always early. Kyle was going to arrive a little after; he’s always late.
“Caleb!” Colby called, waving excitedly.
“Hey!” I said, meeting him halfway in a hug.
“So what are we gonna do today?” He asked.
Before I could answer, he hugged me again. “Oh my gosh! I missed you so much!” He squeed.
I laughed. “I know, I missed you too.” We parted, and just as we did, I saw Kyle coming up the street.
“Oooh, who is that?” Colby asked, obviously extremely interested.
I did a little victory dance in my head.
“Hey Caleb!” Kyle said, hugging me.
“Hey.” I said.
“I thought it was just gonna be the two of us?” They both asked, sounding confused. “But I’m not complaining...”
There was an awkward silence between us. Now that was weird.
“I’m Colby.” Colby introduced himself. “And I’m pretty sure you’re gorgeous.”
That made Kyle blush. “Kyle.” He said, at a loss for words.
“So you wanna fuck?” He asked.
When Kyle didn’t say anything, Colby laughed and laced his fingers with Kyle’s. “Don’t worry, I was kidding, I’m not a slut.”
“Sluts are usually girls, anyways, Colby.”
“Not necessarily, hun. And besides, I’m not exactly the manliest guy out there.”
I laughed and shook my head. I knew this was a good idea. I barely had to do anything and they were into each other. This was definitely going to turn out for the better...

I pulled into the driveway and got out of my car and into my house. I fell onto the couch and let out a big sigh.
I practically pissed myself when my phone started ringing in my pocket. I haven’t heard the ring tone in a couple weeks. I slowly pressed talk and put the phone up to my ear.
“Alisha?” I answered, extremely confused.
“Hey Caleb. How are you?” She asked, sounding kind of unsure of herself.
“I’m...fine? Why are you calling?” I asked, trying not to sound cocky or rude.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing...” She trailed off.
I knew that tone in her voice, it almost made me smirk. “You miss me, don’t you?” I asked.
“Not exactly, no–” She responded, sounding defensive.
“Don’t lie to me, Alisha, I know you better than that.”
I heard her sigh. “Alright, yes, I miss you, but not in a ‘I have to be with you’ sense. I just wanna see you and hang out as just friends.”
I don’t know why, but that was really frustrating. Sure, I’ve moved on, but that doesn’t mean I’ve completely forgotten everything with Alisha and I.
“Well, what if I’m not completely over you in the sense that you are. What if I still want to be with you, for the rest of my life, even. But no, that’s never gonna happen, because you moved on before you ended it with me.” I hung up and put my arms over my face, flustered and depressed and overwhelmed with everything that’s been tugging at me emotionally: my feelings for Derek, my still-relevant feelings for Alisha, and Kyle’s feelings for me? Seriously? What did I do to deserve any of this drama?
“UUUUGH!” I shouted, my voice bouncing off the walls. I shot off the couch, grabbed my keys, and headed over to the bar, ready to let the alcohol consume me and let me forget about any of this.
“Hey, hey, Turman, settle down! You look like you could punch a hole in the wall. What’s got your panties in a bundle?” Buck asked, getting a beer ready for me.
I shook my head. “Shots tonight.”
“Whoa, now, you know what happened last time.”
I actually don’t remember what happened, but from what I was told, Colby and Kyle had to come and get me from the police station because I started a fight. The reason for my drunken state last time was the same as this, but I don’t care. I needed to find relief somehow. I thought Colby and Kyle would help me out, but in reality, Kyle made it worse.
“I don’t care.” I repeated out loud. “Give me the fuckin’ shots. I just need to let this all go.” I said, putting my head on the bar.
Buck was hesitant at first, stopping me at five, when by then I was starting to see double. I persuaded him to keep ‘em coming. It wasn’t until number nine that I was completely wasted.
“No one fucking gives a shit about me.” I slurred, more to myself than to anyone, but I could care less who heard me.
I heard the door open and saw Kyle come in.
“How...the FUCK...did you know I was here?” I asked, almost losing my balance while pointing my finger at him. I practically bursted out laughing at the whole situation.
“Oh god, I’m glad I got here when I did. You’re completely shitfaced. Come on, Caleb, I’m taking you home.” Kyle said softly, trying to get me off the barstool.
“NO!” I pulled my arm out of his grip, making Kyle lose his footing temporarily.
“Caleb, don’t fuck with me. Just get in the car. Now.” He came at me again.
I pushed him away again.
“I knew I shouldn’t have let you go home, I knew there was something wrong...”
“Of course there’s something wrong! There’s always something wrong with me! That’s why nobody ever wants to stay with me...” I trailed off, starting to sob. Kyle took advantage of my weakness and dragged me out to the car. As we were driving, I sobered up a bit, and I semi-remembered what happened.
“I’m sorry.” I said quietly.
“We’ll talk when we get home.” Kyle said sternly.
I looked at the floor, feeling horrible, and feeling a slight headache coming on already. We got to the house and sat on the porch again, my eyes still remaining on the ground, not wanting to make eye contact with Kyle.
“What were you thinking?” He started off, his voice softer than it was at the bar.
I shook my head and shrugged. “I wasn’t.”
“And what was that whole there’s something wrong with you shit? There is nothing wrong with you! The people with the problems are the people who dump you, because they don’t realize how awesome of a guy you are. If they leave you for someone who they think is better, then they’re missing out on one of the best guys–”
I cut him off with a strong hug, and he returned the favor.
“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m such a dumbass–”
This time, I was cut off by Kyle’s lips.
Again, I pulled away abruptly. “Okay, this is one of the reasons why I did what I did. You are with Colby, I am with Derek. You know how I feel about cheating.”
“I know, I know, but I can’t help it. I’m so attracted to you, all my suppressed feelings toward you are finally coming out now that I know how you feel about guys.”
“I don’t even know how I feel about guys at the moment.” I sighed, trying to collect my thoughts. “Alisha called me before I went out. She said that she missed me, but just wanted to be friends. In that line I realized that I’m not completely over Alisha yet, and it’s really hard trying to figure all this shit out without any feelings for you popping up.” I said, basically, in tears.
Kyle wrapped his arm around me, scooting closer. “Well, of course you’re still gonna have feelings for her. It’s only been a couple weeks. So where does Derek lay in this situation?” He asked quietly.
I shrugged. “He’s calling me tomorrow, I guess we’ll have to see what happens.” I sighed again, putting my face in my hands. “I’m just so confused, and overwhelmed. I don’t know whether I’m attracted to girls or guys, or fuckin’ both, and I don’t even know if I like Derek the way I think I do, and I don’t know if I like you the way you like me...”
“It is okay to be bisexual, you know.” Kyle pointed out.
“I know, but I don’t wanna be stuck in the middle like that, I wanna be sure of myself. And if I declared myself bisexual, I’d feel the need for both genders, not just one or the other.”
“Most bisexuals have one of each gender.”
“That’s horrible.”
“It solves the problem, doesn’t it?” Kyle asked, looking me straight in the eye.
“Well, yeah, I guess, but still, I’d feel dirty doing that, playing two people at the same time? That’s awful. I feel like a piece of shit for not telling Colby how you feel about me, letting him know what’s really going on...”
“Actually...” Kyle started softly, tearing his eyes away from me, looking at the ground.
I gasped a little, jaw dropped. “Kyle...what did you do?”
“I told him what I was feeling, and he was a little hurt, but he could tell how much it hurt me to say those things to him. He still wants to be with me, and I do, too, especially after what you told me. I don’t wanna know what would happen to him if I left him.”
“So if you still wanna be with him, and you are still with him, and you don’t wanna hurt him, why do you keep laying moves on me?”
Kyle sighed. “Part of it I can’t control, honestly I can’t. I don’t know why. Like, my mind says no, but my body does the talking, you know? It’s really frustrating. I’m really sorry about all this.”
I hugged him into my side. “Did he say anything about what would happen if he found you like, kissing me or whatever?”
“He didn’t say much about it, but I don’t think he liked the idea very much at all. He was scary serious when I brought it up; I never saw him like that before.”
“Don’t let him catch you kissing me, that’s all I’ve gotta say. He’ll dump your ass so fast if sees or knows anything, and I’ll be soooo fuckin’ pissed at you. I know you and Colby are both my best friends, but I do care about him. A lot. No offense, but probably more than you. Colby and I have been best friends since second grade, and we’ve been best friends since seventh grade, so he’s got a few years on you. I hate to sound like an ass about it, but that’s the truth. His emotions are so fragile, and I don’t know how torn apart he’d be if you broke his heart. You’ve basically got full grasp of it.”
“I know, and for some reason, that seems like a lot to handle at the moment.” Kyle said, voice shaky, sounding like he could break down at any moment.
I squeezed him tighter into me. “Whenever you feel the need to get close to me, just think about what I said. You have Colby’s heart. The whole thing.”
Kyle looked at me and smiled a little. “Thanks, I guess.”
I laughed and took my arm from around him. “Are you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll eventually get there, but the real question is are you gonna be okay. You’ve got more shit going on than I do.”
I took a deep breath in. “I hope so. I just need to sort out my feelings and decide which one I’m leading more toward. I’m thinking about calling Derek and asking him if he wants to come over.”
“Um, Caleb, it’s already 1 in the morning. I think he’s sleeping, which sounds like a good idea, for the both of us. It’ll do us good to sleep everything off.” Kyle said, standing up, pulling me up with him.
I laughed a little. “Yeah, you’re right.” I went to open the door, but Kyle grabbed my hand. I looked back at him, and his expression was solemn.
“Would you just kiss me once more? Please?” He asked.
“Kyle...” I said in an advising tone.
“Just once.” He persisted.
I sighed. “And then you promise no more?”
“I promise.” He said, sounding completely sure of himself.