Lies

Damien lied in bed with me cuddling right beside him. His hands were placed around my waist, holding me tightly against him. I, of course, did not mind. I was very comfortable right now and I didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

I sighed, resting my forehead against his chest. My eyes felt heavy and I found myself fast asleep in his warm embrace, but I wish I would have stayed awake…

~

“Is something wrong?” Damien asks concerned.

“You’re my best friend and you always will be right?”

The memory filled my head. Things were as clear, as if it happened just yesterday, but at the same time it seemed to happen ages ago.

“Yeah, of course,” Damien answers with a soft reassuring smile. “What’s up?”

Fear welled up inside my stomach. What the hell was I doing?

“I want you to know that I love you.”

Damien raised an eyebrow before laughing, “I love you too man.”

Shaking my head I say it more seriously this time, “No Damien I don’t mean it like that.”

The laughter stopped and his smile faded. I watched as his face scrunched up into confusion. I nibbled on my bottom lip before exhaling, “I mean that I have more than friendly feelings for you. I love you, Damien.”

The memory was so vivid, It couldn’t have been a dream, because it feels so real.

“You what?”

“I-I love you.”

“No, you can’t be a fuckin’ faggot,” Damien spit at me and I flinched away.

“No, Damien, don’t say that,” my voice was cracking and eyes beginning to fill with tears. When Damien turned I reached out to grab his arm. “Dai…don’t go.”

“Don’t call me that, you lost the right when you decided it was okay to like guys,” Damien said cruelly, the words attacking my heart. “I am leaving, and I'm not ever coming back, ever.”

“Damien, just forget I ever said anything, we can forget about all of this, I won’t push anything I swear,” I was becoming desperate.

“Shut up, faggot, don’t talk to me, got it?”

“Damien…” I tried to keep him here, just to listen to me.

“Get. Your. Hand. Off. Me.”

“Get you filthy hand off me before I rip it off,” he ordered, voice rough.

“Damien…please,” Logan was still at it.

“Haven’t you had enough rejection, you’re a worthless faggot, now shut up no one give a shit what you think, no one cares!”

I shot up from the bed, eyes wide and heaving. My eyes glanced about the room, expecting to see Damien screaming at me, but he wasn’t. He was lying next to me, fast asleep. I looked down at him and this immense pain of guilt and betrayal filled my gut just before the head ache came on.

It wasn’t just any normal headache either. Memories of what happened before the accident filled my head. The drugs, the parties, the alcohol, the sex, and Brandon, they were all pouring into my head like a bad movie.

Damien, he had…we had fought. He treated me like shit. He had…pushed me down those stairs.

Damien had…he had hurt me. Not just emotionally but physically as well.

Why didn’t he tell me? Why did he act like he was ok with me being gay but before he screamed and hollered at me? Why did he…lie to me?

Damien lied. He lied!

I felt the tears welling up inside my eyes. Before I had any say in the matter they spilled out, rolling down my face, and crashing on the blankets.

I couldn’t believe it. Damien betrayed me, he lied, and hurt me but didn’t tell me. The guys didn’t either. Why? I’m sure I would feel a hell of a lot better about this if he had just told me and explained it to me, but no he just…he just hoped that I wouldn’t remember.

The tears were coming down hard now. My whimpers must have woken Damien up because I heard his groggy voice ask, “What’s wrong babe?”

“Don’t call me that,” I cried, wiping away at the tears flowing down my cheeks.

Damien sat up, looking at me with a confused and worried expression. I placed my hands next to my side just before glaring at him and saying, “You lied to me. You lied!”

“W-What…what are you talking about Logan?” Damien questions, placing both his hands on my shoulders.

I pushed him away from me. The loud crash told me that he had fallen off the bed. Good.

“You bastard! Don’t act stupid you know what I’m talking about. I can remember it, all of it. Brandon, the drugs, the parties, and you…you spitting at me, calling me a faggot, making fun of me, treating me like shit, and pushing me down a set of stairs! You were the one that hurt me…it was you this entire time and you never told me!”

“You took advantage of me not remembering anything, you bastard!”

“Logan…I-”

I stood from the bed, my head shaking violently to show him that I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear anymore of his bullshit.

“Get out,” I order, grabbing his clothes and throwing them at him. “Get out!”

“But Logan…let me explain,” Damien pleaded and the memory of before, when he had called me a fag and walked out came into my mind.

“No…get out, get out now!” I kicked him out of my room, slamming and shutting the door behind me. I can’t believe it…I can’t believe Damien would have done something like that to me…