Wake up, Think Fast

So there you are, and here I stand,
As far as I remember you weren't half bad.
Your bedroom behavior was never more than checkmarks on bedposts.
For I remember we never had.

I say as far as I remember, but I don't remember much babes.

It's hazy, and it's confusing, but I know there were liquids involved.

You get me out of the rain, you get me out of my clothes.
You hope I don't make a sound, you hope that nobody knows.

I woke up thinking about you. Again. Every day it was the same. Every day the same wishes. Every day the same wanting. Every day...

Every day I missed you and I wished you were here in a different way.

Every day you've shown off the marks on your neck and the numbers in your mobile and everyday I've had to smile and nod and pretend to be impressed and make an excuse and hide the rising tears.

Because everyday I loved you. Never less and less.

There are so many masks you wear and I was so impressed by how effortlessly you switched between. Young, old, sweet, spicy, innocent, daring, naive, knowledgable. Everyone loved you in their own way and I loved every single part of you I saw.

I sat at home staring out the bedroom window. Parentals pursuing the friday night. And I gave up. And I drank. As the rain pounded and pounded against my window frame the vodka burned and burned against my throat. And the judgement kissed me goodbye as I wanted more and more to kiss you hello.

I arrived at your doorstep bedraggled and bewildered. I told you I loved you and fell on your lips without the chance for a greeting. You slid me into your house before anyone could see. The neighbours would love that wouldn't they? "That donaldson girl making out with a bedraggled scarny looking goth teen on her own doorstep".

How unchristian.

There were no words. You were sober. You're never quiet when you're drunk. You lead me upstairs and show me a new world. We slept, we woke, and you asked me to leave. That tally chart you keep? The one of people who've fallen in love with you as you collect them like stamps or pokemon cards. I saw you mentally add me to it. But you won't meet my eyes, will you? Not until I face you and ask you if you loved me too.

"Don't yell that you idiot. Somebody will hear!"

"So you don't. You don't love me do you? I'm just another checkmark on your bedpost."

"You were a project for my boredom. I didn't think it'd get this far. How could I have stopped you? You were sweet when you were drunk."

"You don't give a shit do you? You don't care about what you've done."

"What I've done? What have you done? If anyone saw, if one single person finds out. I'm dead."

That's it. I turned her gay for an evening and she hates herself for a lifetime.

Well my love might as well have spanned 3 lifetimes for all the good it did me. The self-pity I've endured while my love went unrequited is not worth what you just put me through.

So suck your so called pity down.
Hey, that's not so bad, is it?
So take your cold, cold heart and drown
and don't forget to take deep breaths.

Stop talking now, I'll just leave. Stop trying to talk your way out of it and save your precious reputation. You'll always be the beautiful girl, the queen of the world, the darling of anyone you meet. Your masks can cover all of it.

So don't explain cause I know exactly what your going to say.
Big words, recycled phrases, and the bittersweet taste of other boys on your lips.
So now just sit here and talk about how you wanted it all.

You taste like them all, your taste is bittersweet. Your taste was a waste of my lips, they deserve better. I give up on you, I give up on everyone you were. You're just the first notch of many on my bedpost. And honey, you won't be the last.