Kids in Love

“Tell me once again that you'll love me to the death. And should I die, you swear that you will come for me. As I fade away, you reach out your hand and please don't let me go.”

{#!#}

As promised I called John as soon as I could get away from the other bands for long enough to. He talked to Ayden for a little bit before asking Ayden to give the phone back to me.

“Did you say anything to him?” I questioned. John, knowing me so well, didn’t have to ask who I was talking about.

“No, I haven’t even mentioned that you guys are on tour but I’m sure he knows,” he told me softly. I sighed.

“I miss him, John. I shouldn’t, but I do,” I said softly.

“Miss who Mommy?” Ayden asked me.

“Don’t worry about it baby, go play with Daddy alright,” I told him giving him a little push towards Derek who was standing twenty feet away talking with Shaant. He went without argument. I watched him tug on Derek’s shirt and point at me, he asked him something. Derek turned, smiled at me and I gave him my best smile back. His gaze turned questioning but I just shook my head. He scooped Ayden up and went back to his conversation with Shaant but I knew he’d ask me about it later.

“Jamie?!” John’s voice sounded in my ear.

“Huh?”

“I said your name like six times sweetie. What I was trying to tell you was that youshould miss Garrett. He misses you. He asks me about you everyday because he knows that we still talk. I went to his house the other day and when I found him he was in the office looking through that photo album you guys made not too long ago. You have every right to miss Garrett because you were with him for almost three years.”

“I guess… I just feel like I shouldn’t miss him. I have Derek and Ayden. I have my family and I left him, not the other way around,” I explained.

“Well, regardless of who left who you still spent a lot of your time with Garrett. He was a big part of your life so you’re likely to miss that. Just don’t think too much about it alright hun?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you later alright. Derek and Shaant wanted to go grab something to eat,” I told him.

“Alright, oh and if you don’t want me to say anything to Garrett then I won’t alright? Love you sweet heart.”

“Love you too Johno,” I replied and then flipped my phone closed. I walked to where Shaant and Derek were standing with Ayden still on Derek’s hip. “You guys ready to go eat?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m starving!” Derek replied quickly.

“You’re always hungry babe,” I laughed. He smiled and kissed my cheek before taking my hand in his. Shaant took Ayden and we all walked across the street to the small diner. We got a table quickly since the diner was practically empty. Derek and Shaant sat in the same side and Ayden sat next to me in a booster seat. I found that time with Shaant and Derek and Ayden was exactly what I needed. I felt loads better by the time we left the diner and went back to our buses. Shaant hugged me tight and kissed my temple and gave Ayden a hug before he went to his own bus. Derek put Ayden to bed while I changed my clothes and brushed my hair and teeth. I was lying down in our bunk when Derek climbed in next to me, wearing only basketball shorts as usual.

“Who were you talking to earlier?” he questioned, getting right to the point. I had known he wanted to talk to me but I really would’ve rather not told him.

“John,” I sighed.

“You looked upset,” he hinted. I sighed again and then rolled on my side to look at him. I kissed his lips softly.

“I love you. You know that. Remember that when I say this…” I paused and he nodded. “I was talking to John about Garrett… I miss him.” I waited but his expression didn’t change, it still held concern. “I don’t really feel like I should because I have what I want. I have my family and that’s the most important thing to me. I don’t know, I guess I was thinking about him because John asked if I was going to see him when we were in Phoenix and of course I planned on it. I don’t know if I’m ready to see Garrett just yet though…” I trailed off.

“If you’re not ready then that’s fine and if you are then I’ll be there for you. Do whatever you need to do baby girl,” he told me. I nodded and then kissed him, softly again. I moved to pull away but he simply pulled me closer. He deepened the kiss and our lips danced. His hands whispered love as they caressed my face and twined into my hair. Our bodies molded together and for a moment we were one, together in perfect simplicity. For that moment everything made perfect sense and I felt no pain. It made sense that I was here with my son in the other room fast asleep. It made sense that I was with my best friend and the love of my life. It made sense that I was not with Garrett but that I did still love him. For that moment I was at peace… until Jake and Brooks burst through the bus door being their obnoxious selves. I stuck my head out of our bunk.

“Hey, shut up! Ayden’s asleep,” I told them trying to keep my voice down. They gave me sheepish grins and quieted immediately. I curled up next to Derek and cuddled into his side. I had my head on his chest and our legs were entwined. I was on the edge of sleep, listening to Derek’s steady breathing, when Ayden started crying. Derek got up quickly and walked back to where Ayden was supposed to be sleeping. Apparently all the other guys had left again though I didn’t remember hearing the door. I listened to Derek and Ayden’s hushed voices.

“Daddy sing,” Ayden said, I could tell he was tired.

“Sing what sweetie?” he asked softly.

“Sing,” Ayden commanded. I heard Derek laugh softly and sigh.

“Alright, lie down and close your eyes,” he told him. “And I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams. All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes and every wave drags me to sea. I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, ‘Is everyone here make-believe?’ With a tear in His voice, He says, ‘Son, that's the question.’ Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?” Derek sang softly. I heard his footsteps coming back to our bunk and I scooted over when climbed in next to me.

“I love hearing you sing,” I told him. He smiled and kissed me. Just before I fell asleep I heard him whisper into my hair, felt his lips press against it.

“Please don’t let me go.”