Kids in Love

“When this is over, we're all getting older now and we all play a part in it. Innocence is falling. Can you hear them calling now? But I'll be by your side until the end.”

{#!#}

We had been on tour for two weeks already. I wasn’t seeing much of Derek. They had a bunch of signings and meet and greets and meetings. It was starting to get to me. By the time I could actually see him he was about to pass out because he was so tired. That left me to take care of our rampaging four year old son by myself. It was hard taking care of Ayden alone, a lot harder than I remember it being. Derek and I got our day to just be together in Chicago last week but it didn’t last long. We had been out for two or three hours when Jake called. Ayden wouldn’t stop crying and screaming for me or Derek and they couldn’t get him to calm down. We ended up going back to the bus for the rest of the night. I could feel the distance coming back. Before I had left for Jersey almost five years ago Derek had distanced himself from me slowly. The way he acting now brought back the heartache, it made me feel like I was leaving him all over again. I hated it.

Derek was out running the city with the boys again today. They had an interview this morning, then a signing, then a radio interview and acoustic performance, then they had a meet and greet before the show. Basically, I wasn’t going to see Derek at all today. I’d be lucky to see him before their set. I spent the day on the bus with Ayden and we walked around a little bit. I couldn’t remember the name of the venue or the city we were in. All I wanted to do was sleep but Ayden had other ideas. He kept me awake despite the growing exhaustion I felt. I read him books and played all of his games and eventually when he was finally tired enough to sleep I sang to him until his eyes slid closed. When he finally fell asleep I walked into the bunk area and collapsed into the one that I shared with Derek. I fell asleep quickly and before I knew it I heard the bus door open and close again signaling that the boys had returned to the bus for the night. I rolled over so that I wasn’t facing the curtain of the bunk and moved as close to the wall as I could. It had become a habit. Derek and I used to sleep as close together as possible and now I feel like he doesn’t even want me to touch him.

I heard the boys moving around in the front lounge. They were getting water from the fridge and kicking off their shoes. They knew to stay relatively quiet since Ayden and I weren’t in there they assumed we were asleep. I laid awake waiting for them to come to the bunks. Every night I hoped something would change. I hoped Derek would come in and whisper that he loved me like he used to. So much had changed over the past two weeks. I felt like it had a lot to do with the conversations that I was having with John. I was asking him about Garrett. Something in the back of my mind was always wondering if he was alright, if he still asked about me. John said he pretty much avoided anything to do with me anymore. I know Derek has heard me on the phone with John talking about Garrett but he won’t say anything. I avoid the topic of Garrett whenever Derek is around. I closed my eyes when I heard footsteps coming back towards the bunks. I could hear movement and the other boys still talking in the front lounge. I didn’t know who was moving outside the bunk until the curtain was slowly pulled open. There was a weight next to me and the curtain was pulled closed. He shifted and I felt his hand at my waist. I smiled a little bit as he moved closer to me. I felt his lips press against the skin of my shoulder and I felt his breath at my ear.

“Goodnight baby girl, I love you,” he whispered. I felt like he had heard my thoughts and the wish that I made every night for him to do this. I fell asleep with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart that only he knew how to awaken.

{#!#}

When I woke up in the morning the bus was completely silent. It made me suspicious. When I checked the time on my phone my suspicion grew. It was eleven thirty in the morning so I knew every one was awake already. Ayden didn’t let anyone sleep past eight thirty or nine at the latest. I got up slowly and looked around. I looked in the back lounge to find it empty. I walked to the front of the bus to find nothing but a note on the counter. It was written in Derek’s messy handwriting.

Jamie,

Do you know what city we’re in? Or the date? Probably not. That’s alright, I know when you get stressed you forget things. It’s just another trait that makes up the beautiful girl that I love. We’re in Houston, Texas, not that it makes much of a difference. Today would’ve been our fifth year together if you had never left. We had an interview today and I brought Ayden so you could get some sleep. I’ll text you at one if I haven’t heard from you by then because today is going to be a day for us. I’ve already talked to Jake and Ayden. They’ve both promised to be good. Call me when you wake up.

I love you
xoxo
Derek

I smiled at his note. It reminded me of how he was when we were home with just the two of us before I left. I went and grabbed my phone and called him. He couldn’t talk for very long but he told me to dress as nice as I could and to be ready by four. I went into the venue and washed my hair in the sink in the bathroom. I blow dried my hair and straightened it and then headed back to the bus to change out of my sweats. I pulled on one of the only dresses that I brought on tour with me. I slid on my black ballet flats and went to the bathroom to do my make up. I put on black eyeliner and a little bit of foundation. Derek didn’t like it when I wore a lot of makeup so I very rarely did. By the time I was ready the guys were walking on the bus. The only one missing was Derek and that confused me royally.

“Um, not that I’m not happy to see you guys, but where the hell is Derek?” I questioned.

“You’re meeting him somewhere. There’s a cab waiting outside and he gave me this to give to you,” Jake explained and handed me a folded piece of paper. “The cabbie knows where he’s taking you.”

“Ok, uh, thanks Jake,” I said. I kissed Ayden’s head and told him I’d see him soon and that I loved him. I went outside and found the cab sitting just outside the bus. I climbed in the backseat and the cabbie smiled at me. He seemed friendly enough. I unfolded the paper that Jake had given me to find another note written in Derek’s handwriting.

Jamie,

I’ll see you soon if you’re reading this. I want you to know that I love you. I know these past couple weeks I haven’t been showing it very well but I promise you that it hasn’t changed. I still love you as I always will. You mean the world to me Jamie Katelyn Smith. Everyday I wake up and I see our beautiful son and I see your smile and your eyes looking at me and I wonder how I got so damn lucky. You and Ayden are far more than I deserve. When you get to where you’re going you’ll find another note. Just follow the directions on this one to find it. The next one will tell you where to go.

I love you
xoxo
Derek

I smiled as I read his messy scrawl. He said that he wonders how he got so lucky but I think he has it wrong. I’m the lucky one. He’s so good to me and Ayden. I can’t imagine living without him again, I wouldn’t live through it. When the cab pulled over to the curb I looked out the window to see a beach. The cabbie told me that fare had already been paid and I thanked him and climbed out into the Texas sun. I pulled out the note that Derek had written me and followed the directions written at the bottom of the page. They lead me to the edge of the boardwalk where a rock sat by the rail. I lifted it up to find another folded note. I picked it up and unfolded it as I had the last.

Jamie,

You’re getting warmer. ;] If we had never been pulled apart then today would’ve been five years with you. I don’t regret any thing that has happened over these past five years and I want you to know that. The events that passed brought us here. They gave us our wonderful son and they gave me a family that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the universe. Without you and Ayden I would be nothing. Everything that I’ve done these past years has been for you, even when we were apart I did everything for you. Every breath I take, every word I sing, every note I play is for you. All for you. And I’ll be by your side until the end.

I love you
xoxo
Derek

There were more directions written at the bottom of the page. I followed them and they took me down the beach. I made it to a small restaurant that matched the name written at the bottom of the page. I walked around to the front of the restaurant and waited, just like the note said.

“Is this seat taken?” a voice asked a few minutes later. I looked up to see Derek dressed in a deep red button down and black skinny jeans. He had his glasses on which surprised me since he didn’t usually wear them.

“As a matter of fact it’s not,” I replied with a smile. He held his hand out to me and I took it. He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead. “I love you too.”

“Good, cause I’d feel like an ass if you didn’t,” he laughed and I did too. “Come on, we’ve got reservations at five,” he told me and pulled me into the restaurant. We went inside and ate dinner and it was nice to have just the two of us.

“This was great Derek,” I told him as we walked down the beach. There were quite a few people out but it wasn’t overly crowded. We had spent about two hours at the restaurant so it was around seven. It was starting to cooler which was good because sometimes the heat in Texas was blistering. We both ended up carrying our shoes. We walked a little further before Derek stopped and dropped his shoes. He took mine and dropped them next to his. I gave him a confused look.

“Jamie, baby, I love you more than anything. I’ve told you that so many times that I’ve lost count. I tell you to remind you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Without you, I wouldn’t be living my dream right now, I wouldn’t have my son, I wouldn’t have anything. Everything that I am and everything I do is for you and it always has been. I’ve lived without you and it’s something that I never want to do ever again. So Jamie Katelyn Smith,” he said and then he got down on one knee. The people on the beach around us were watching and they all smiled and waited. “Will you marry me?” he asked as he opened his palm to show the diamond ring that was resting there. I couldn’t find my voice so I smiled at him and nodded. I could feel the tears running down my face as he slid the ring into place on the third finger of my left hand. He stood up and kissed me with so much passion that I thought I might explode. Everyone who had witnessed his proposal started clapping and congratulating us. I was so happy that I thought I might burst. Nothing could ruin this day.