Kids in Love
The Last Something That Meant Anything.
“And you were just about to tell me how you meant that you were sorry. And the lines we've said, they really meant the world to you, wrote me down. Let’s keep it slow. Take every note and every page that takes you longer. The cherry flavored kisses, well, I taste them. Do you miss it?”
{#!#}
Derek called us a cab back to where the buses were parked for the night. When we got back to the bus I changed into sweats and sat down on the couch next to Derek with Ayden in my lap. I hugged him tightly and kissed the top of his head. It was past his bed time but he had wanted to stay awake until Derek and I came back. Derek took him back to his bed and I heard him singing softly and I smiled. Ayden had been asleep for about half an hour when my phone rang. John Oh! flashed across the screen. I flipped my phone open.
“Hey Johnny, what’s up?” I questioned.
“Hey, not a whole lot. Are you with the guys?” he questioned.
“Um, yeah, why?”
“Could you go some where away from them?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I agreed apprehensively. “I’ll be back,” I told the guys and walked off the bus. The last thing I saw was the curious look Derek gave me. I walked over and leaned against the venue that the guys would be performing in tomorrow night. “Alright.”
“Ok, so someone wants to talk to you… Promise me you won’t hang up,” he said.
“Ok, I promise,” I replied but I wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea. I heard the phone being handed to someone else, a deep breath, and then he spoke.
“Jamie?” he said softly
“G-Garrett…” I choked. I didn’t need to ask if it was him, I knew his voice immediately. He was quiet for a while and I could feel the tension. “What do you want, Garrett?” I asked in a voice just above a breath.
“John said he’s been talking to you… and Ayden. He says you’re doing good, that you’re happy… withhim…” he trailed off.
“Ok…?” I asked more than answered.
“Are you?” he finally said.
“Yes,” I answered shortly.
“Don’t you miss it at all?” he asked sounding a little breathless. I thought for a moment.
“Yes, I do miss it. I miss falling asleep next to you and coming home to you. I miss seeing you everyday. I miss you a lot, Garrett… but…”
“But what?” he whispered.
“But I’m happy with Derek. Ayden’s happy with Derek. You have to let go Garrett, you have to move on,” I told him. It hurt to say these things to him but I knew I had to.
“Give me one more chance, Jamie, I’ll be everything you need me to be. I’ll do everything for you… I’ll be everything for you. Please… just one more chance,” he whispered. He sounded broken and I hated myself because I knew I had to break him even more.
“I can’t, Garrett,” I said softly.
“Why not?”
“I’m engaged, Garrett… There’s nothing you can do,” I replied and then shut my phone. I know I told John I wouldn’t hang up but I wouldn’t be able to handle his response and I knew it. I dried my eyes and took a deep breath. I turned my phone off and walked slowly back to the bus once I was calm. I opened the door to find Derek sitting alone in the front lounge with a book spread open in his lap. His glasses slid down his nose and I wondered how he hadn’t heard me come in. It was then that I noticed the white cord; he had his headphones in. I walked over slowly and put my hands over the pages so he couldn’t read them.
“Hey,” he protested and looked up and I captured his lips. The book he had been reading was quickly pushed away and forgotten and the headphones were pulled from his ears. His hands found my hips and he pulled me down so I was straddling him. My arms fell around his neck while his constricted around my waist. Our lips moved together perfectly. Derek and I had always been in tune with each other; we moved together easily, like dancers performing a choreographed routine. It was easy and flowed perfectly, never sloppy. I could feel his hesitation, though, as he kissed me. Hesitation wasn’t what I wanted right, it wasn’t what I needed. I got up, our lips only parting for air, and we moved back to our bunk. We detached for a moment and climbed inside and got under the covers. I reconnected our lips and pulled him close to me, but the same hesitation was there. I was starting to get frustrated as I pulled him over me. He went willingly enough and supported most of his weight on his elbows while my hands twined in his hair. I pulled away and started kissing over his jaw and his neck.
“Jamie,” he whispered, but it wasn’t what I wanted… He was trying to get my attention, trying to get me to talk to him. Talking was the last thing I wanted to do. I knew if I started to talk to him I would start to cry and I would hurt him… I didn’t want to hurt him, so I didn’t want to talk.
I pulled his face back down to mine and kissed him hungrily. The hesitation was more pronounced and he pulled away a few seconds later. “Jamie, stop,” he said softly. I tried to find his lips again but he pushed me down gently. “Jamie…” he said, his voice was soft but stern. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotion and I found myself crying, sobbing really. He rolled to the side and pulled me against his chest tightly. I cried into his shirt for what had to be about ten minutes, until I finally cried myself out. When I stopped he shifted so he could see my face. “Start talking,” he said softly.
“John called earlier and he said someone there wanted to talk to me and he made me leave the room and made me promise not to hang up…” I whispered.
“Who wanted to talk you?”
“It was Garrett…” I breathed.
“What did he say?” he asked, concern still in his tone but I could hear something else and I could see it in his ice blue eyes… jealousy. He was jealous that Garrett could still get this sort of reaction out of me. I recapped our conversation and told him the last words I said to Garrett before hanging up on him. “Are you gonna be ok?”
“I’ll be fine… I just didn’t want to have to hurt him any more than I already have. I feel like I ripped him apart. I didn’t even wait to hear what he had to say,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.
“Don’t blame yourself, please Jamie. I hate when you torment yourself like this,” he practically begged me. I looked at him for a moment and decided it would be best for both of us if we just dropped the topic. I kissed him softly and then curled into his chest. We would be in Arizona in four days and I was terrified.
{#!#}
Garrett
She’s engaged.
She’s engaged to him.
“There’s nothing you can do…” Her words won’t stop echoing in my head.
There’s nothing left.
I’ve really lost her…
No.
She’s not married to him yet… just engaged…
I haven’t lost her.
Not yet.
Not. Yet.
I can’t lose the only something that’s every meant anything.
I can’t.
I won’t.
{#!#}
Derek called us a cab back to where the buses were parked for the night. When we got back to the bus I changed into sweats and sat down on the couch next to Derek with Ayden in my lap. I hugged him tightly and kissed the top of his head. It was past his bed time but he had wanted to stay awake until Derek and I came back. Derek took him back to his bed and I heard him singing softly and I smiled. Ayden had been asleep for about half an hour when my phone rang. John Oh! flashed across the screen. I flipped my phone open.
“Hey Johnny, what’s up?” I questioned.
“Hey, not a whole lot. Are you with the guys?” he questioned.
“Um, yeah, why?”
“Could you go some where away from them?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I agreed apprehensively. “I’ll be back,” I told the guys and walked off the bus. The last thing I saw was the curious look Derek gave me. I walked over and leaned against the venue that the guys would be performing in tomorrow night. “Alright.”
“Ok, so someone wants to talk to you… Promise me you won’t hang up,” he said.
“Ok, I promise,” I replied but I wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea. I heard the phone being handed to someone else, a deep breath, and then he spoke.
“Jamie?” he said softly
“G-Garrett…” I choked. I didn’t need to ask if it was him, I knew his voice immediately. He was quiet for a while and I could feel the tension. “What do you want, Garrett?” I asked in a voice just above a breath.
“John said he’s been talking to you… and Ayden. He says you’re doing good, that you’re happy… withhim…” he trailed off.
“Ok…?” I asked more than answered.
“Are you?” he finally said.
“Yes,” I answered shortly.
“Don’t you miss it at all?” he asked sounding a little breathless. I thought for a moment.
“Yes, I do miss it. I miss falling asleep next to you and coming home to you. I miss seeing you everyday. I miss you a lot, Garrett… but…”
“But what?” he whispered.
“But I’m happy with Derek. Ayden’s happy with Derek. You have to let go Garrett, you have to move on,” I told him. It hurt to say these things to him but I knew I had to.
“Give me one more chance, Jamie, I’ll be everything you need me to be. I’ll do everything for you… I’ll be everything for you. Please… just one more chance,” he whispered. He sounded broken and I hated myself because I knew I had to break him even more.
“I can’t, Garrett,” I said softly.
“Why not?”
“I’m engaged, Garrett… There’s nothing you can do,” I replied and then shut my phone. I know I told John I wouldn’t hang up but I wouldn’t be able to handle his response and I knew it. I dried my eyes and took a deep breath. I turned my phone off and walked slowly back to the bus once I was calm. I opened the door to find Derek sitting alone in the front lounge with a book spread open in his lap. His glasses slid down his nose and I wondered how he hadn’t heard me come in. It was then that I noticed the white cord; he had his headphones in. I walked over slowly and put my hands over the pages so he couldn’t read them.
“Hey,” he protested and looked up and I captured his lips. The book he had been reading was quickly pushed away and forgotten and the headphones were pulled from his ears. His hands found my hips and he pulled me down so I was straddling him. My arms fell around his neck while his constricted around my waist. Our lips moved together perfectly. Derek and I had always been in tune with each other; we moved together easily, like dancers performing a choreographed routine. It was easy and flowed perfectly, never sloppy. I could feel his hesitation, though, as he kissed me. Hesitation wasn’t what I wanted right, it wasn’t what I needed. I got up, our lips only parting for air, and we moved back to our bunk. We detached for a moment and climbed inside and got under the covers. I reconnected our lips and pulled him close to me, but the same hesitation was there. I was starting to get frustrated as I pulled him over me. He went willingly enough and supported most of his weight on his elbows while my hands twined in his hair. I pulled away and started kissing over his jaw and his neck.
“Jamie,” he whispered, but it wasn’t what I wanted… He was trying to get my attention, trying to get me to talk to him. Talking was the last thing I wanted to do. I knew if I started to talk to him I would start to cry and I would hurt him… I didn’t want to hurt him, so I didn’t want to talk.
I pulled his face back down to mine and kissed him hungrily. The hesitation was more pronounced and he pulled away a few seconds later. “Jamie, stop,” he said softly. I tried to find his lips again but he pushed me down gently. “Jamie…” he said, his voice was soft but stern. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotion and I found myself crying, sobbing really. He rolled to the side and pulled me against his chest tightly. I cried into his shirt for what had to be about ten minutes, until I finally cried myself out. When I stopped he shifted so he could see my face. “Start talking,” he said softly.
“John called earlier and he said someone there wanted to talk to me and he made me leave the room and made me promise not to hang up…” I whispered.
“Who wanted to talk you?”
“It was Garrett…” I breathed.
“What did he say?” he asked, concern still in his tone but I could hear something else and I could see it in his ice blue eyes… jealousy. He was jealous that Garrett could still get this sort of reaction out of me. I recapped our conversation and told him the last words I said to Garrett before hanging up on him. “Are you gonna be ok?”
“I’ll be fine… I just didn’t want to have to hurt him any more than I already have. I feel like I ripped him apart. I didn’t even wait to hear what he had to say,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.
“Don’t blame yourself, please Jamie. I hate when you torment yourself like this,” he practically begged me. I looked at him for a moment and decided it would be best for both of us if we just dropped the topic. I kissed him softly and then curled into his chest. We would be in Arizona in four days and I was terrified.
{#!#}
Garrett
She’s engaged.
She’s engaged to him.
“There’s nothing you can do…” Her words won’t stop echoing in my head.
There’s nothing left.
I’ve really lost her…
No.
She’s not married to him yet… just engaged…
I haven’t lost her.
Not yet.
Not. Yet.
I can’t lose the only something that’s every meant anything.
I can’t.
I won’t.
♠ ♠ ♠
Comments please :]