This Still Belongs to You and Always Will

Gerard’s P.O.V:

“Everything ok?” I questioned.

“Huh?”

“You took your time! I thought you said you were going to the bathroom!”

“I lied.”

“Thought so,” I laughed “She ok?”

Frankie nibbled the skin around his thumb anxiously. I cocked my head to one side curiously. His eyebrows were knitted together and there was a slight line showing on his furrowed brow.

“Maybe you should sit down, Gerard.” He said, sitting on the couch and patting the space beside him.

I sat beside him and slipped my arms around him, smiling. He gave little response. Confusion coursed through me. He’s never like this. What’s going on?

“What’s up baby?” I whispered, planting a tiny kiss on his cheek.

“You won’t freak out?”

About what? My mind worked overtime. There’s loads of things I’d freak out over. I’d freak out if something had happened to Frankie. I’d freak out if something had happened to Elena.

“She’s not pregnant is she?!” I gasped; panic surging through me at my own jumped conclusions.

Frankie burst out laughing and put his arm round me, rubbing my shoulder reassuringly. I took that as a no. A sigh of relief blew up my face as my bottom lip huffed out.

“Don’t scare me you evil person.” I commanded.

He chuckled to himself and kissed my temple.

“She’s not stupid!” He insisted “You know damn well she wouldn’t be doing that.”

“Yeah.” I agreed, thinking “So what is going on?”

“Gerard; this is gonna’ frighten you. It’s gonna’ upset you and scare you.”

“I dunno’ if I wanna’ know,” I said, gripping his hand tightly “C’mon what is it?”

“It’s about Bert.”

My face fell and my grip on his hand tightened. Bert McCracken is never good news to us. I knew there was only one realistic scenario involving him and it’s anything but good! Please no. Frank watched me closely, concern decorating his beautiful face. I couldn’t look at him, instead my eyes rested on our laced fingers.

“W-what about him?” I whispered.

And the words I’d been begging not to hear were uttered.

He’s out.

The room was silent except for the ticking of the clock we’ve had since we got married. It was a wedding gift from my parents. That day was the best day of my life. It was perfect. No rain on our parade. It was all smiles and tears of joy. That day was all about me and Frankie.

Frankie proffered his arm and led me into the middle of the room. Everyone stood in a circle to watch. Joy.

“You’re gonna’ have to pray,” I hissed, slipping my arms round his waist “I have no idea how to dance.”

“Me neither.” He confessed cheekily, sliding his arms around my neck.

And then we were slow-dancing. Everyone in the room went ‘Awwww’ at some point. I slowly got the hang of it and rotated slowly with Frank, staring deep into his eyes the whole time. He smiled and whispered ‘I love you’. I bent my head low.

Baby you’re all that I want

“I love you too.” I breathed in his ear.

When you’re lying here in my arms

I brought my face to be closer to his and our lips touched, gently.

I’m finding it hard to believe, we’re in Heaven

We continued to kiss slowly and lovingly, resulting in more ‘Awww’ from the onlookers. When we pulled apart, Frankie rested his head on my chest. I smiled as we continued our dancing.

That day was all about us. It was beyond perfect.

“Say something?” Frankie begged.

“What d’you want me to say?”

“Something.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno’; just something,” He replied “Tell me how you feel about it.”

“What-what is there to say?” I questioned, attempting to sound bright but my voice cracking gave it away “He-he’s out after seven years and there’s-there’s nothing we can d-do about it. What g-good is saying something gonna-gonna’ do?”

“Get it all out.” He answered “Before it becomes something serious.”

“It isn’t gonna’ become serious!” I insisted “So my insane ex is outta’ prison now, so what? I-I don’t care, I mean; it’s not like he’s gonna’ try anything otherwise he’ll be locked back up again, right?”

“Gerard,” He said gently “There’s something else.”

“What?”

“Elena told me he’s been turning up at her school and trying to talk to her.”

“And has she been talking back?”

“No.”

“Well then. We-we’ve got nothing to worry about! It’s not like he’s playing with her head again and-and making her think that-that I don’t care about her…” My voice broke as I remembered and my nails dug into Frankie’s skin “Oh God Frankie what’s gonna’ happen?” I suddenly cried.

“Gerard calm down.” He said firmly.

“But-but-“

“Shut-up,” He said firmly “Don’t think about him! You know what’s gonna’ happen if you keep thinking about it.”

I know all right. I’m gonna’ have a panic attack! That familiar tight feeling grew across my chest and my palms began to feel sticky.

“What’s gonna’ happen?” I cried, clawing at my hair as I tried to get a firm grip on it “Frankie what’s gonna’ happen?”

“I don’t know,” He replied, rubbing my shoulders “But don’t think about that now! Just breathe.”

I drew ragged breaths, shaking as I did so. Frankie drew small circles on my shoulders, trying to calm me down. My gasps for breath ricocheted off the walls and reverberated around the room. A strong hand firmly unclenched my hands, which were balled into fists around my hair whilst pulling at it.

“Breathe with me,” Frankie said gently, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly “C’mon, now you do it. In…”

I breathed in as deep as I could manage, as told. And he slowly began to count.

“One…..Two…..Three…..Four…..Five…..Six…..Seven…..Eight…..Nine…..Ten. Ok, now let it out slowly.”

I slowly let it out on instruction. Frankie praised and told me to do it again, breathing with me. He kept talking to me as I continued to breathe deeply.

“D’you remember that summer when it was really warm? And we just went and laid back on the grass in the back yard? Remember that? And there was that really nice breeze. Do you remember what you said?”

“If I could stay here with you forever…I-I would.”

“That’s right.” He agreed “And it was really lovely and relaxing. It was really calm, remember?”

I nodded, straightening up. He continued to rub my shoulders, pulling me into him so that he could wrap his arms around me and hold me close. My nose buried itself in the folds of his shirt, inhaling his lovely, clean scent. There’s only the faintest trace of nicotine in his scent; it’s not an overpowering stench like I remember from a certain someone. Frankie stroked my back soothingly, whispering calming things into my ear. I felt embarrassed. I panicked over absolutely nothing.

“I’m gonna’ go up to the studio,” I said, pulling out of his warm embrace “I just wanna’ be by myself for a little while; y’know, just to think.”

“Ok.” He whispered, watching me leave the room.