This Still Belongs to You and Always Will

Gerard’s P.O.V:

“I’ll get that.” I said, patting Elena’s shoulder and heaving my ass off of the chair.

She jumped onto the chair as soon as I was off of it. In fact, she jumped onto it so violently that it went spinning in circles. I laughed at her misfortune and went out into the hall to answer the door. I could see the outline of the figure on the other side of the door. I wondered who it was. The mailman with a late delivery……..again. The neighbours to invite us all over for dinner……..again. That cow of a mother across the road to complain about me and Frankie being a bad example to the kids on the street……..again.

As I opened the door and glanced at the figure on the other side, my heart skipped a beat from repulse and shock. I was satisfied to see that he had a purple bruise just beneath his eye and a split lip.

“How do you know where I live?”

“So you’re not gonna’ invite me in?”

I tried to slam the door shut but he jammed the door, closing his hand around the door. My skin crawled as he brushed his skin against mine. I tried to move my hand away from his but he tightened his grip.

“Get off and move so that I can shut the door.” I said firmly.

“You don’t wanna’ see me, Baby?”

“Stay the hell away from here! Stay away from me and my family!”

He just smirked in amusement like he always does when I lose my temper. It’s almost as if he gets some kind of kick from it. Back when we first moved in together, I got really angry with him once and he loved it.

The ticking of the clock echoed through the silent cardboard box of an apartment. I twiddled my fingers anxiously, my hands shaking. I’d been sat on the sofa since ten at night, only moving to calm Elena down when she woke up from a nightmare and give her some juice before tucking her back into bed. I looked up at the clock.

4:30 am.

I was, of course, waiting for Bert. He said he wasn’t going to be late back. Just go out and hang out with his friends as a guy should. He promised me he wouldn’t be any later than 11:30. So 11:30 came and went. It’s fine. That’s what I told myself. He’ll have lost track of time, that’s all. 12:00. Ok, maybe he tried to call and tell me but there wasn’t any reception. 12:30. Now you should start worrying. And I spent the rest of the night worrying about him and trying to call him.

The sound of the front door opening made me jump up and fly over. Bert staggered through the door, throwing his jacket aside and kicking off his shoes. He grinned stupidly at the sight of me and opened his arms for a hug. I shoved him as hard as I could, watching him stumble backwards with a startled expression on his face.

“What was that for?”

“You know damn well what!” I spat “You said you’d be back by eleven thirty! Eleven thirty, Bert, not four in the freaking morning!”

“I’m sorry.” He shrugged apathetically.

My blood boiled at his non-caring approach to the situation. I pushed him again. He staggered backwards and hit the wall.

“Stop freaking pushing me!” He yelled.

“Well maybe you’ll think again before you stay out all night without telling me where the hell you are!” I shouted back, standing tall with clenched fists.

“I didn’t know you were gonna’ get so fricking upset about it, did I! You’re nineteen yet you’re acting like an old woman!”

I tried to push again but he seized my wrists, smirking. I shook my arms furiously, trying to wrench them free from his grip. He leaned closer to me, still smirking. Despite my fury, I shivered. Invisible lines of electricity were shooting between us.

“Y’know,” He began “You’re really, really sexy when you’re angry.”

Our lips crashed into each other as I threw myself at him, trying to push him backwards but he overpowered me. I groaned loudly as my back slammed into the wall but it was a forced effort, coming out in a more sexual way than an ‘Ow that hurt’ way. I fisted his hair, gripping tightly whilst focusing all my anger on that kiss. His lips curled into a smirk as I bit down on his lip, tugging furiously. He slipped his hands into my back pockets, gripping tightly onto my ass and pulling me into him. As the kiss got rougher he slipped his hands down the back of my thighs, encouraging me to jump and wrap my legs around him.

“Baby……I’m sorry. It’s just that…..just that I was worried.” I managed as he kissed and bit at my neck.

“It’s fine,” He insisted “Maybe I should’ve told you.”

I tipped my head back appreciatively and he scraped his teeth against my skin, leaving his mark.

“Dad are you-“

“Go back into the living room, Elena.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Just go.” I ordered, glancing over my shoulder at her.

Bert’s sick smirk widened and his eyes glittered. I scowled at him, silently threatening the worst things possible if he made his presence known.

“But-“

“For God’s sake, Elena, just do what you’re told!” I shouted impatiently.

There was the sound of feet on the stairs as Frankie came down to see what was happening. I tried to shove the door shut but Bert wedged his foot in the way so that I could only get it ajar. Frankie slid his arms around my waist, trying to pull me into him.

“What’s wrong, Gerard?” He questioned “What’s all the shouting for? Baby, talk to me.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” I lied, still very aware of who was on the other side of the door “Go back upstairs, I’m fine.”

“So why were you shouting?”

“I’m just in a bad mood; that’s all; I just wanted some time to myself.”

Bert kicked the door from his side. Frankie narrowed his eyes in suspicion and reached for the door. I tried to bar his way, making him even more suspicious. An unconvincing smile crept onto my face, trying to look reassuring even though I knew damn well I wasn’t fooling anyone. Frankie looked straight into my eyes.

“Who’s at the door, Gerard?” He questioned coolly.

“No one.” I insisted, still smiling.

“Gerard.”

“No one.”

He sighed heavily and shoved me aside, wrenching the door open.

“Don’t.” I cried too late.

Frank’s eyes widened as he saw who was standing on the other side of the wooden door. Bert smirked at the sight of him. Elena’s eyes widened too as I glanced at them both guiltily. Frankie’s beautiful face became contorted with anger.

“You’ve got one hell of a nerve.” He spat.

“Oh please.” Bert snorted, looking him up and down.

“Unless you want a repeat of yesterday, I suggest you get the hell out of here.” Elena said venomously.

Bert laughed.

“Please. I could knock him into tomorrow without lifting a finger.”

“I dunno’ if you noticed but I kicked the crap out of you yesterday,” Frank snapped “I chose to stop.”

“Whatever.”

“Why are you even here?” Frank demanded.

“It’s got nothing to do with you, Iero. I have no time for worthless, cheap hookers like you.”

“Call me that one more time.”

I gripped my head tightly in my hands and whimpered as they continued to fight. Bert sniffed at me and Frankie put both his hands on my shoulders. My head began to spin and my legs felt weak. I thought they were gonna’ buckle beneath me. My palms felt sticky.

“Calm down, Gerard,” Frankie said desperately “Please…..think about something relaxing.”

Bert mimicked him, making it ten times worse. Over Frankie’s shoulder, I could see his malicious face enjoying every second of my panic. He seemed to grow bigger and bigger. He was growing before my eyes. Finally I realised.

“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!” I screamed, squeezing my eyes shut after shouting it.

“Stop it,” Frankie urged “Just ignore him.”

“How can I ignore him when I can see him?” I cried, tugging at my hair.

Frankie rubbed my shoulders in attempt to calm me down but it wasn’t helping. He unclenched my hands, pulling them down from my hair and holding them in his hands. I could feel the slight dampness of sweat oozing over my forehead and down my back. Bert smirked in the background, causing my breathing to become ragged and difficult.

“Elena,” Frankie said quietly, turning away from me briefly “Could you take your Dad into the living room.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, stepping forward and linking her arm through mine.

She tried to walk with me but I wouldn’t move. Frankie slid an arm round my waist and gave me a gentle push.

“Go on, Gerard,” He said firmly “Everything’s gonna’ be fine.”

“Do you know that, Gerard?” Bert sneered.

“S-shut up.”

“Why say that? Is it ‘cause what I’m saying makes sense?”

“No…..” I whimpered “Sh-shut up.”

I was no longer in any state to fight and he knew it. And, being the cruel twisted freak that he is, he took advantage of that situation. He could see that I was on the verge of hyperventilating but still he jested.

“Y’know,” He continued, looking at Frankie “Gerard has…what you might call a bit of a history-“

“We don’t really care, McCracken.” Frank cut across, keeping his attention on me.

“Oh…well all I’m saying is that he cheated on me with you, right? Who’s to say he won’t cheat on you?”

“Shut up!” I screamed.

“Ignore him,” Frank said desperately “We all know he’s talking crap.”

The panic consuming me was overwhelming. I’d never had a panic attack so bad before. Bert laughed cruelly at me.

“Why should I shut up, Sugar? Is it ‘cause you know what I’m saying is true?”

“Shut up.” Elena spat.

“You’re gonna’ cheat on Frank, aren’t you Gerard.”

“SHUT UP!” I screamed again with that last burst of energy.

Elena tried to lead me away again, tugging desperately. My feet wouldn’t move. I felt as I were suffocating in my own panic. Am I gonna’ die? I’m gonna’ die…….

“F-Frankie…..” I whimpered, clinging to him “D-don’t leave me.”

“F-Fwankie… don’t weave me.” Bert mocked.

Elena finally managed to get me to move, leading me into the living room. She sat me on the sofa and held onto my hand, running her thumb over my knuckles. But it wasn’t the same as having Frankie there. It didn’t feel the same. And when she hugged me, she smelt of women’s shower gel not Frankie’s clean scent and cigarettes or the occasional hair gel/wax he uses.

“Calm down, Dad,” She said pleadingly “Just breathe.”

“I-I……….can’t.”

“You can.” She encouraged.

She hugged me protectively. But her skinny frame wasn’t the same as Frankie’s small but muscular one. Her arms around me weren’t like his. It felt all wrong. It wasn’t the same even though she was trying her best.

“Am I gonna’ die?” I whimpered, gripping my hair like a crazy person.

“No, Dad,” She insisted, trying to loosen my grip on my hair “That’s stupid.”

Everything blurred. There was only one thing I was able to focus on and that was the panic that was overwhelming me. The next thing I remember clearly is Frankie entering the room. He sat beside me, taking over from Elena. And everything was familiar again.

“D-don’t let me die, Frankie,” I cried “Please don’t.”

“You’re not gonna’ die, Gerard,” He promised “It’s all in your head. It’s just ‘cause you’re panicking…..it’ll go away when you calm down.”

I whined and clung to him fearfully. His arms were strong around me, blocking out all the bad.

“C’mon,” He encouraged “We’ll breathe together, yeah?”

“Mm…..”

“Ok. Ready?” He questioned “In……..out…….. in……..out…….. in……..out.”

He calmly breathed along with my shaky, uncontrolled breaths. Every time he moved I whimpered and clutched onto him, frightened that he would go. He held me reassuringly, gently massaging my shoulders in attempt to help me calm down.

“It’s ok,” He reassured “He’s gone. We’re all fine. I’m not going anywhere. Just breathe.”

It took a while but eventually I began to breathe properly again. Frankie held me tightly, frantically kissing the top of my head and resting my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat through his long sleeved pink and black striped shirt. It was beating faster than he was kissing my head.

“You scared me,” He whispered “I thought you were gonna’ faint or that I’d have to call an ambulance.”

“Are you ok now, Dad?”

“Mm.”

“You’re sure?” Frankie pressed “You don’t want me to call anyone just in case?”

“I’m fine.”

“Ok,” He said softly, kissing the top of my head and stroking my back soothingly “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” I insisted “I’m just tired.”

“D’you want me to put you to bed?” He asked gently.

I nodded wearily, leaning against him deliriously. He slipped a hand under my arm and helped me up, kissing my cheek. Elena watched with a concerned expression plastered across her face. I tried to flash a reassuring smile but I was too tired so it came out kinda’ lopsided. Frankie helped me up the stairs and into our bedroom. He sat me on the edge of the bed and kneeled in between my legs, caressing my cheek.

“Are you gonna’ be ok?” He questioned “Do you need anything?”

“I just wanna’ sleep.”

He nodded understandingly, kissing my forehead and taking my foot in his hands so that he could pull my black sock off. Then he did the other sock and helped me pull my jeans off. I flopped back on the bed while he got up and searched for some pyjama bottoms, eventually uncovering a dark blue pair my Mom gave me that I never wear.

“I know they’re not that special,” He explained, slipping them up my legs “But at least they’re clean.” He finished, fixing them around my hips.

I nodded and pulled the duvet back to crawl under. He helped me under and tucked me in like a parent does to a little kid. The slight stubble on his chin and upper lip tickled my cheek as he kissed it.

“D’you want me to call my Mom?” He questioned “Tell her that it’s not really a good time for her to come over?”

“No don’t,” I replied “Elena’s been looking forward to seeing her and I’ll be fine after a few hours sleep.”

“If you’re sure,” He pushed “I’m gonna’ send Jess home and call the cops.”

“Oh please don’t,” I begged “It’s not fair on Jess and don’t call the cops. We’ve caused them enough trouble to last a lifetime.”

I heard the faint sigh as he massaged the bridge of his nose before kissing me again and backing out of the room. He flipped the light off and stood in the doorway for a moment, watching me as if I was a terribly sick patient and he was my nurse.

“If you need anything just call me, ok?”

“Uh huh.” I mumbled.

He pulled the door ajar so that there was the smallest chink of light. I smiled to myself, relishing the fact that I have everything I could ever need under this roof. My eyelids grew heavy and soon I could no longer keep them open and drifted off into uncertain sleep…

Me? Over dramatise? Why, thank you for noticing (hehe)! Le gasp, Bertrude’s back?!?!