I Had It All

-Flashback-

-Kelsey’s Point Of View-

“I didn’t know what to do! He made me feel like I had to do it! I just…I don’t know. He was pressuring me,” I cried. I felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn’t hardly breathe, and the uncontrollable noises I was making were echoing all throughout the beige room. The high ceilings held in the sound, allowing it to reverberate from wall to wall.

“Here,” she said in a soft, sympathetic tone as she passed a box of tissue over the dark, oak desk. “Just say anything that’s on your mind.”

“I just… I mean, I know it was my fault, but… God! I’m so stupid! I don’t know what I was thinking!” I held my face in my hands and attempted unsuccessfully to get a grip on my emotions. How or why I did this to Alex - the best thing that ever happened to me - I didn’t know. I somehow felt like I owed Ian something.

My therapist nodded thoughtfully. “So did you feel like you had to do that with him?”

I nodded. “He sounded so sincere, and I just…gave in. I’ve been so stressed lately, with looking for colleges, keeping my grades up, trying to keep my family and friends happy, and…it just all crashed down. I couldn’t for the life of me let another person down. I’ve been feeling like such a failure with everything now that we’re in senior year and I felt like maybe my relationship with Alex was the one thing I could keep track of and control, but I even fucked that up!” I was breathing hard from rambling, crying, and from the building stress, and my therapist noticed.

“Kelsey, Kelsey, calm down, okay? You made a mistake. You have to realize that. No one’s perfect, and even though you feel like everyone is putting you on a pedestal, you aren’t perfect either. You can’t expect to be flawless all the time. The first step of getting past that is acceptance. Realize that you’re going to mess up, but you can learn from those mistakes.”

“What about Alex?” I sniffled.

“Well, you need to tell him the truth. You need to apologize.”

“What if he doesn’t apologize?” I nearly screamed.

She cocked her head to the side and looked at me. “Then you’ll have to move on.”

-------

No matter how many times I tried to tell Alex, I stopped. I got scared. I didn’t want to live without him, but I also didn’t want him to be hurt. I didn’t want him to feel betrayed. So at the football game, I acted like I was mad at him. In reality, it wasn’t Alex I was mad at; it was myself. I hated myself for what I did. So before he could find out the truth, before he could get hurt, I left him. And that was that.

-Present Day-

-Alex’s Point Of View-

Kelsey had grown up, that was for sure. Her face had matured; she had clear, porcelain skin, and her cheekbones were more defined. Her hair was shorter now, about to her shoulder, and she now had side-swept bangs. Simply put, she was gorgeous. Seeing her made me reminisce on my high school years. It made me miss it; miss her.

She led me deeper into the rose-colored room, nodding at a white, plush seat. “Make yourself comfortable,” she said softly. She seemed to have calmed down since George called her out. She seemed stressed, but was gaining her composure.

She began asking questions about the band, our music, the meaning of the lyrics; the typical questions I’d been asked a hundred times before. But this time, I definitely liked hearing them asked. Her voice was so sweet and angelic; I missed hearing it.

After the run-of-the-mill questions were completed, she cocked her head to the side and smiled softly. “I was told to ask you about your current relationship status, as well.”

I chuckled. “Off the record, please?”

“Sure,” she smiled. We were being civil, which was nice. But I wanted more.

“Well, to answer your question… I’m a single man.”

“And ready to mingle?” she teased, crossing one leg over the other.

I laughed and shook my head. “Nope, not right now. I’m just living my life.”

Kelsey nodded thoughtfully.

“And you?” I inquired with a smirk, messing with her. But in reality, I wanted to know.

At first, she looked taken aback. Considering the fact that she was supposed to be interviewing me, she probably felt awkward. “Um, I… I’m taken,” she answered sadly.
I looked at her questioningly, squinting my eyes in curiosity. Why would she look sad if she was in a relationship?

Her head hung low, and for a second, she looked up, her eyes meeting mine. There was something in them, something that I hadn’t seen before. It was as if she wanted to say something, something important. And she looked like she was hurting.

“What?”

She shrugged and avoided the question.

“Do you want to go out to lunch tomorrow? Just as friends, nothing more. You know, for old times sake,” I suggested.

Kelsey smiled softly, her mouth closed. Her eyes twinkled as she answered. “Sure.”