I Had It All

-Alex’s Point Of View-

When we arrived back at the hotel, Jack, Rian, and I hung out in our room for a while, watching television. “When’s Zack supposed to get back?” Jack whined, rolling over on the bed.

“He’s supposed to get back when he gets here. Shut up,” Rian answered, not removing his eyes from the screen as he flipped through the channels. Of course, being in a hotel, the best channel of the very few they had was some food preparation show, so we sat in silence, drooling over the delectable items we’d never see on tour.

Just then, Zack casually strolled into the room as if it were nothing, dropping his key card on the side table. “Hey, guys,” he greeted nonchalantly as he sat in the hotel-provided burgundy armchair.

“Where the fuck have you been?” I snapped, unintentionally letting out all my frustration on him.

He threw up his hands in defense, a look of utter confusion on his face. “I had errands to run, man. Calm down.”

“Errands? What errands? What could you possibly have to do that’s so fucking secretive that you can’t share it with us?”

“Dude, chill. Everything’s okay. I don’t know what you’re getting upset abo-” Rian started.

“Shut up, Rian!” I was blowing up. I was on a rampage. And for no valid reason or point, I kept going, knowing full well that I was making a fool of myself. I stood up from my place on the bed and walked over to Zack‘s seat, standing over him, fists balled in anger. “What’s this about you talking to Kelsey?”

Zack stood up, his face suddenly sparking with rage, his intense eyes dissecting mine as we stood chest-to-chest. “What’s this about you being a nosy, jealous ex-boyfriend? Why don’t you just keep your mouth shut and don’t fucking worry about it!”

“How can I not fucking worry about it? I’m still in love with her and now I find out my best friend’s off having secret trysts and rendezvous behind my back!”

“That’s not even what’s happening! Jesus, Alex! And even if we were, it wouldn’t be any of your business anymore anyway! Get over yourself! You’re just being a little, presumptuous bitch! You don’t know what the fuck you’re even talking about. Sit the fuck down.”

Chest heaving, fingers clamped in a tight fist, I dashed out of the room, slamming the hotel door shut. Nearly running, I sped down the hallway and to the elevator, pressing the Lobby button about five times in a row out of aggravation. I groaned, annoyed, waiting for the slow-moving elevator to descend, and dashed out of the doors the very second they divided, not realizing Matt was standing right in front of me.

“Damn, watch where you’re going!”

“Shut the fuck up!” I yelled over my shoulder, speed-walking for the front door.

“We’re leaving Cleveland tomorrow; wherever you’re going, get back to the hotel as soon as possible and get your shit packed!” he called, ignoring my attitude.

Stomping all the way to our rental car in the parking lot, I probably looked like a tantrum-riddled toddler, but I just didn’t care. Slamming the door shut, I stuck the keys into the ignition, and backed out of the spot as fast as I could, turning out into the street and speeding past scenery, noticing everything was becoming a blur.

When I finally made the turn onto Kelsey’s street, I didn’t think twice as I parked and thundered passed her white car to the front door. Eyebrows arched in anger - not necessarily at her, but at the entire situation - I slammed my fist against the door three times, waiting impatiently for a reply, but to no avail. My foot tapped in aggravation, so I jiggled the doorknob, seeing if it was unlocked. Sure, breaking and entering was a felony, but do you really think that would stop me?

The circular, silver handle twisted all the way around, allowing the door to pop open. Pushing it further, I went in, walking right into the living room. Puffing my chest, I was just about to yell for her, to see if she was even home. Her car was in the driveway, after all.
Just as I was about to open my mouth, I heard an almost inaudible whimper, not unlike a crying child. Curiosity aroused, I tiptoed around the corner to the kitchen, poking my nose in to see if there were any clues to the sound in there. Nothing.

Going back into the living room, I peered around the wall, going down the hallway and up the stairs at the end. As I ascended the steps, I perked my ears, realizing the sniffling was growing louder and louder with every step.

I looked down the hall, and there it was - there she was, knees pulled to her chest, head in her hands, sitting on the floor against the wall with all the lights out. She didn’t even notice me as I quickly ran to her side, dropping to her level in a panicked frenzy. “Kels? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

When she looked up, her tear-drenched eyes burned into mine, and I noticed she was wearing the necklace I’d bought her only days before. “I have to tell you so-something, Al-Alex,” she hiccupped through her sobs.

“What? What is it?” I rubbed her arms and shoulders, attempting to comfort and console her. The sadness in her eyes, in her voice…it all took a toll on me. My heart broke for her.

“Alex, I lied to you! I cheated on you! Everything - it was all my fault!” She was nearly screaming at me, as if she’d had these things pent up for years, building up inside, ready to explode.

At first I didn’t know how to react, or even if I’d heard her correctly. Time seemed to stop; I had to literally reverse my thoughts and think backwards. Cheated - she could only have cheated if we were dating, but…we hadn’t dated since high school… Lied - she didn’t have much to lie about except-

“What the fuck! So I went all these years believing-- wait, what?!” I stood up, staring down at her, nearly ripping my hair out of my scalp, chest puffing, thoughts racing, vision blurry and cloudy as my mind. “What? Explain this to me again?!” My screams were reverberating and bouncing back from wall to wall, but I couldn’t stop; the louder I screamed, the harder it would be for me to think about how I’d been betrayed.

“I’m so sorry!” Kelsey sobbed, staring up at me feebly and helplessly from the floor.

“And - and that!” I pointed at her necklace, the one I’d bought her only days before. "You’re wearing that? Why? What makes you think you have any right to show that around? And who the fuck are you living with? What - what - what the fuck!” If anyone could ever be truly psychotic and in a state of bewilderment, it was now. I couldn’t even stop repeating myself; I was like a broken record. A broken one.

“I miss you, Alex! I’m miserable.”

For a second - just a second - I stopped. I almost felt bad. Almost. But then I remembered what I meant to say. “Fuck you. I’m leaving. You lied for fucking attention, left me waiting for you for years, and let me believe that you were actually raped. You know what? I hate you. I regret ever thinking about you. Have fun being a miserable bitch.”

When I left the house, I didn’t resent a word I’d said.