I Had It All

Sweating bullets, I shot up, trying to breath steadily to regulate my pounding heart. I grabbed my head, feeling the swell of an oncoming headache. Ever since Kelsey revealed to me that Ian had hurt her, I understood everything that happened - the puzzle pieces fit perfectly. When she told me that he raped her, I realized that I had been in her house only hours before it happened. If I hadn’t left her house, I could have stopped it. I hated myself for that. Why didn’t I just stay there when I saw him pull into the driveway? Why was I so stupid; so naïve?

We weren’t even together anymore, and still, the memory haunted me. It was my fault that she was hurt, and later, it had become my fault that we broke up. Everything was always my fault - and I knew it.

-Flashback-

“Alex!” Kelsey squealed, her eyes twinkling as she jumped into my arms.

I shut the door behind me, stepping into the foyer of my girlfriend’s house, wrapping my arms around her lithe frame. “Hey, Kelsey. You look really pretty. What’s going on today that made you get all dressed up?” I gestured to her knee-length blue dress, extravagant - but not over-the-top - makeup, and hairclips.

“You were coming over, duh!” she giggled, kissing my lips lightly.

“You got all dressed up for me? I feel bad; I’m just wearing jeans and a t-shirt,” I chuckled.

Kelsey just shrugged. “It fits you.”

“So what’re we doing today, my lovely?”

“Watching movies. It feels like a movie day,” she nodded knowingly. I laughed at her as she picked out a DVD from the cabinet beside the television; she got all dressed up, just to spend the day indoors, watching movies. That’s what I loved about her; she was so spontaneous, and if she felt like doing something, she did it, whether it made sense or not.

The previews appeared on the screen as she sat on my lap, resting her head on my shoulder. I locked my arms around her waist and whispered, “What are we watching?”

She grinned. “Alice In Wonderland.”

I laughed and kissed her head, watching the animated movie, not even caring that I hated this movie; all that mattered was that Kelsey Gates was in my arms, just where she belonged.

About an hour into the movie, I turned my head to look at Kelsey, noticing that her eyes were closed and she was breathing lightly. Her arms were wrapped around my shoulder, as if she was hanging on for dear life. I didn’t want to disturb her, so I quietly grabbed the remote off the side table, clicking the Off button.

With the television and lights off, I ended up falling asleep myself.

When I finally awoke, I looked at the clock - 6:00 PM. “Hey, Kelsey,” I whispered softly, watching as her eyes slowly opened.

“Hmm?”

“It’s six o’clock,” I informed her.

“Oh, mmhmm,” she mumbled sleepily. She stretched, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“I hate to leave you, but I have to get home. I promised my mom I’d be home for dinner.”

She looked at my sadly. “All right. If you have to.”

We walked to the door, and I leaned down to kiss Kelsey’s lips. “I love you, Kelsey Bear.”

“I love you too, Alex.”

I kissed her once more on the cheek and walked out the door. “I’ll pick you up for school in the morning,” I called from her driveway. She smiled and waved in response.

As I was backing out into the street, I saw the familiar truck parking in her driveway. Why was Kelsey’s ex-boyfriend going to her house…?

-Present Day-

The bus wall made a loud, thundering noise as I punched it to release my anger. Every time I thought about what Ian did to Kelsey, I got pissed. Why would he do that to Kelsey? Why would he do that to my Kelsey?

I got up, not caring that it was only 6:30 in the morning and that I didn’t get hardly any sleep. “Hey, man,” Zack said, not looking away from his arms as he pumped his hand weights up and down.

“Hey, Zack,” I said groggily.

“What’re you doing up so early?” he asked.

I just shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Thinking about Kelsey again?” he asked without hesitation. How he managed to avoid hangovers and get up this early after a night of drinking, I’d never know.

“Yup.” I sighed as I plopped next to him on the couch, allowing my body to sink into the cushions.

“I thought you were over her?”

“That’s what I thought. Then Jack had to rub that picture in my face.” I rubbed my face with my hands, attempting to wake myself up.

“Well, you’ll get over her. You did before; I’m sure you could again.”

If only it was that easy. “Yeah, I mean, I pretty much forgot about her. But I still think about her, from time to time…”

Zack finally set his weights on the floor at his feet, and turned to look at me. “Man, I just don’t like seeing you so upset. You’re my best friend; it sucks seeing you so down.”

“Yeah, I know.”