It Wasn't

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Mike asked. Billie shook himself and tried to concentrate. "Billie, that's probably the twentieth time you've spaced out during practice. You just played the chorus of In the End about three times without stopping."

"Huh?" Billie was confused. Something was wrong with him. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just...preoccupied is all. So, I guess we should start over."

"No thanks. I'm meeting Robbie at four." Tre's face brightened as he said this. "Anyone wanna come with?"

"Sure, I will," Mike said. They looked at Billie expectantly. He paled; he had planned on refusing. If they were meeting Robyn with friends, then Alice would be there. He wanted to see Alice again, but then again, he never wanted to see her again. Especially now, Adie was off at her parents' for the month and Joey and Jake were at his mother's until Adie came back. Sinking under pressure, Billie took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I guess I'll come along," he said hesitantly. The trio went outside to Tre's car. "Where are you meeting her?"

"At this little bar near UC Berkeley. Alice suggested it."

"Alice is going to be there?" Billie's fears were confirmed.

"Yeah, why? Hoping to get some action while the family's out of town?" Tre joked

"Ha fucking ha," Billie remarked dryly from the backseat. "Heard from Janice lately?"

"Ouch! Burn!" Mike interjected.

"Hey, come on. I was drunk. Janice was hot. You would have done the same thing!" Tre tried weakly to defend himself.

"No, first of all, I wouldn't have gotten that drunk. I have some self-control," Billie shot back. Mike laughed.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Mike started banging his fists on the dashboard. "No, wait! Tre! I was just kidding! Ahh!" It was too late. Tre turned around to hit Billie and Mike took control of the steering wheel. "You fucking moron! Take the wheel! Screw around later!" Mike yelled. Tre finally let Billie go and turned around to take the wheel just before they hit a tree.

"Okay, then," Tre said, acting like nothing happened. "We're almost there. It's really close. And it's really cool."

"Considering the fact that you nearly killed us all on the way, it better be as cool as you say," Mike said, casting a look at Tre.

"Trust me, if it's cool enough for Tre Cool, it's cool enough for you."

"But," Billie chimed in. "Is it cool enough for Frank Edwin Wright the third?" He and Mike laughed hysterically at the reference to Tre's given name. Tre on the other hand, looked sour.

"It's not my fault," he whined. "I didn't choose the name. They gave it to me and I had no choice. Anyway, we're here!" He got out of the car and slammed the door.

"Easy, there Mr. Enthusiastic," Billie laughed. "Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with you breaking your own car, but in this case, I have no other way home."

"Well," Tre shrugged. "I could always get a ride with Robyn. A ride I've been waiting ten years for." He wiggled his eyebrows. Mike and Billie sniggered.

"Hey! Over here!" Robyn called through the noisy bar. Next to her sat Alice, who was debating over whether or not to have a second drink.

"Rob-Rob!" Tre exclaimed childishly as her ran over to hug her.

"Tre," Robyn said between kisses, her voice reaching a dangerously sweet pitch. "You've been the perfect boyfriend so far, but if you call me 'Rob-Rob' one more time," she pulled away and put her hands on his chest, "I might have to start calling you Frankie." She smiled evilly. Tre looked horrified.

"Please," he said, with a frightened look on his face. "Anything but that. I will wait on you, hand and foot, I will let you rest your legs on my head, but please, please don't call me..." he paused as though to gulp down fear. "Frankie," he finished in hushed voice. Meanwhile, Alice, Billie and Mike were trying their very best not to crack up and cause a scene.

"Is he already drunk?" Alice wanted to know.

"Nah, he just has that kind of reaction to anyone who wants to call him by his given name," Billie responded, sipping his whiskey. Mike was drinking a scotch. Alice had given up on her self-debate and was on her third drink and was on her way to getting drunk.

"Watch it Al," Robyn warned, "If we both get piss drunk, who's going to drive us home?"

"Well, you can always go flirt with some loser and get him to give us a ride," Alice teased. Robyn laughed.

"Yeah, I could. Drink away." She held up her glass.

"Hold it Rob-Rob!" Tre interrupted.

"Yes Frankie?" Robyn grinned evilly. Tre turned a deep shade of red but chose to ignore the comment.

"You're not going near anyone but me..." he said, his face changing. "Because I won't let you!!!" He enveloped Robyn in a great bear hug and kissed her neck, and she kissed him back and let her arms rest around his neck.

"Oh, get a fucking room!" Billie complained as he threw a tin can at Tre. Everyone laughed, and Tre threw the can right back.

"That's enough," the bartender growled. The group was stunned for a moment and sat back in silence, staring at one another, until Mike ordered another drink.
The evening went on with Alice getting drunk, Robyn trying to out-drink her, Tre trying to out-drink them both, and Mike getting so drunk he fainted. Billie, surprisingly, was the only one who could even stand up straight, and was forced to drive everyone home.

"Billie-Bill," Tre giggled. "I want some more beer..."

"Yeah, uh, you can have more beer when we get to my place," Billie lied.

"Heeey, shexy..." Alice called from the backseat of Robyn's minivan. "You're sho shexy... " Billie blushed. He was used to random fans calling him sexy, but something was different this time. He hadn't blushed when someone called him sexy since he was eighteen.

"Thanks, but I'm trying to concentrate on the road," he replied. How was he supposed to drive while keeping a watch on four drunken people?

"But you are shexy, you have shuch shexy hair, and I bet you got a shexy body under that shirt," Robyn slurred next to Alice. "How but takin' off that shirt and showin' ush shome of that shexy shtuff?"

"Hey!" Tre whined drunkenly. "She's my girl! Mine! Billie, are you trying to steal my girl?"

"No, I'm trying to drive without killing us all."

"Nuh-uh, you're trying to taking my Robbie away. I won't let you!!" Tre leaned over and started beating the back of Billie's head like it was a piñata. Next to Tre, Mike snored blissfully.

"Treeee, quit it..." Alice giggled. "Leave my shexy Billie alone..."

"Yeah, leave my shexy Billie alone," Robyn, echoed.

"Hey! He's my shexy Billie, not your's!" Alice complained. Tre watched in suspense as the sisters fought over 'shexy Billie', mouth hanging open in awe.

"You're my shexy Robbie!!" Tre shrieked and threw his arms around Robyn. Robyn blushed.

"Aww, and you're my shexy Tre!" And she kissed him. Tre climbed into back seat and let Robyn sit on his lap while they kissed heavily, ignoring each other's drunken breaths.

"Eww!" shrieked Alice. "Get a room!" and she jumped into the seat next to Mike, who was still out cold and snoring. "Hi shexy Billie," she giggled.

"Sit down Alice," he said, with forced patience. Honestly, his kids were like this when they were five years old, although neither of them had ever called him 'shexy Billie'.

"THE LIVERWURST IS ATTACKING!!!" Mike screamed all of a sudden, waking from his alcohol induced slumber, and started snoring again the next second.

"Mike, you're sho shexy when you're shcreaming like that," Robyn said from Tre's lap. Tre jumped up again in jealousy.

"Don't you try and steal my Robbie too!!!" he yelled and started beating up Mike, who woke up and started screaming about liverwurst again. Billie sighed, trying to ignore his crazy friends and keep his eyes on the road. It was going to be a long drive. About an hour and a half later, Billie pulled into his driveway. He looked at his watch and groaned. It was almost two 'o clock. Now everyone would have to stay at his place until morning.

"Hey Mike!" he went into the back seat and started shaking his best friend. "Wake up Blondie!" He pushed Mike into Alice.

"AHH!" screamed Mike, "THE LIV -" Billie punched him in the gut and cut him off.

"Mike, the liverwurst left. C'mon, you have to sleep at my place," Billie explained as patiently as he could, even if it wasn't very. Mike got up and out of the car, half hung over and half drunk. Next to him Alice woke up too.

"Shmo..." she mumbled, and went back to sleep. Billie grumbled, but still opened the middle doors and picked her up.

"Hey Mike," he said. "Go wake up the lovebirds." He carried Alice inside. Where was everyone going to sleep? Tre and Mike could sleep in guestroom like they always did when the guys went out and got drunk, but what about Alice and Robyn? He took Alice upstairs, and crept past his sons' rooms to make sure he didn't wake them up. Then, it hit him. They were out of town. Robyn could sleep in Jakob's room and Alice could sleep in Joey's room. Billie's arms were getting tired and Alice was stirring in his arms. He took her into Joey's room, when, slowly, she began to open her eyes. Where was she? This wasn't her dorm. It wasn't Robbie's apartment either. Why was her arm dangling in mid-air? Why was she dangling in mid-air? She look up slowly and...

"AAHH!" she screamed, scared and surprised. Billie nearly had a heart attack and dropped her. Slowly, it all came spiraling back to her. She went drinking with Robyn and Tre was there, with Mike and Billie. They all got drunk, except for Billie, who maintained some self-control. And then she remembered everything she'd said in the car. Uh oh. Alice's head spun, and she knew she was still drunk. Mike, Tre, and Robyn all came bounding upstairs, also still drunk, when they heard her scream.

"Allie, what's going on?" Robyn asked.

"Yeah," complained Tre. "You interrupted the drinkin'!"

"Drinking? Where did you guys get drinks?" Billie cocked an eyebrow.

"We found 'em in your basement!" Mike supplied. Alice jumped up and raised her hand.

"Ooh! I want beer! I want beer!" she jumped up and down. They four of them ran downstairs in a race for beer. Billie rolled his eyes. Ah, what the hell? Why not? He was at home; nothing could possibly happen, and his family was away for a while. He smiled to himself and followed the beer parade, deciding to let go of the fact that they went snooping around in his basement for beer. He found them all downstairs talking and giggling with about fifteen unopened twelve-packs between them. He sat down next to Alice and opened a can. About two hours later, all the beer was gone, and everyone was willing to drag their drunken asses upstairs to sleep.

"I wanna sleep with Robbie!" Tre declared, and pulled her into a bear hug. "I wanna hug her like this all night long and never let go of her, even in the morning!" Mike rolled his eyes at Tre's, well, Tre-ness and went to the guestroom to sleep. Alice giggled again. Tre picked up Robyn and took her into Jakob's room.

"Right, you just wanna get some," said Billie in his drunken stupor after everyone but he and Alice left, "I'm gonna go to sleep. You get Joey's room." And trudged off drunkenly to his own room. It always felt empty when Adie wasn't there. Alice wandered absently to Joey's room and plopped down on his bed. Ooh. It was soft. She started bouncing on her back, but then stopped and tried to go to sleep. After almost an hour of tossing and turning this way and that, Billie gave up on sleeping that night. He decided to just lay there in his boxers under his blankets and reflect. His life was at a peak point. What if it went downhill from here? Adie was out of town more often, so was he, and Joey and Jakob were always with their friends. His kids were starting to grow up and he and his wife were starting to grow apart. He sighed and vowed to himself that as soon as Adrienne and the kids came home, he would make a stronger effort to keep the family together. Damn, he was so serious even when he was drunk. The floor creaked. Who the hell was wandering into his room at 3:30 in the morning?

"Robyn?" he said, hesitantly. Why was Robyn in his room? By now he would have expected that Tre was still bear-hugging her. Either that, or going at her like a bear in heat.

"No, silly," the person responded. "It's Alice! Hi Billie! What are you doing in the bathroom?" Billie was taken aback. How the hell was she still this drunk? Oh well, so was he, but he was an experienced drinker.

"Alice, this isn't the bathroom. This is my bedroom. And why are you still awake?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd go pee. Whatcha doin'?"

"Me? I'm just thinking. Here, you can think with me if you like." He motioned for her to sit on the bed. She sat.

"Okay. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about how cute you look without your shirt on," she said, unabashed.

"I'm thinking about how cute you are, all drunk and sleepy and flushed." He giggled.

"I'm thinking about how much I want to kiss you, but you're already married and Adie would be maaaaaad."

"I'm thinking about what a good kisser you are. I'm thinking about how much I want to kiss you too, and Adie's not here," he whispered. He barely had a clue what he was doing, but he was drunk, so it didn't matter, and he felt something, so he didn't give a flying fuck. He moved forward and kissed Alice softly on the lips. She kissed him back and pushed him back onto the bed and let his hands snake up her tee shirt.

"Your hands are cold," she giggled, and kissed him again. Her shirt came off, and he unbuttoned her pants while she ran her hands through his hair. It felt silky. He felt good and she felt good, pressing their bodies together, barely registering that something was happening that should never happen at all.

"Beep, beep, beep." Alice's cell phone alarm rang from her jeans. She reached down to take it out of her pocket and turn it off, when she noticed that she wasn't wearing her jeans. As a matter of fact, she realized, she wasn't wearing anything at all. Oh my God. She wasn't even in her dorm. This was someone's house. Memories of the late night drinking party came rushing back to her. She looked to her right and nearly screamed. It felt nice; to be warm in bed, with Billie's arm around her, but it wasn't right. Maybe she could sneak out and get back into Joey's room before anyone noticed. Billie was holding her tightly, but she managed to wriggle out from under his arm. She threw off the blankets when she heard a moan.

"Ohhh," groaned Billie. "Adie, where'd you put the Advi..." he trailed off when he saw Alice snapping on her bra. They both blushed. "Shhh," said Billie, before Alice could say anything. Someone was awake, and from the sound of it, it was probably Tre. Sure enough, he trudged into Billie's room and turned faintly pale. This was...awkward.