I'm Not What You Think

They had spent their time apart. Avoiding each other at every chance they had. For him it was complicated, for her it was simple.
Mark had caught up with Jonathan after school before he was able to reach his car.
"Hey what's up with you man? You're all like ignoring your homie here."
"Sorry Mark just been going through some stuff."
"Oh you and Jazzy...well look man it was bound to happen. She's like-like a wild horse you can't rope down."
"You aren't making this any easier." He shook his head as he leaned against his car.
"Sorry but didn't that cross your mind before?"
"Yeah it has but I said whatever to it, look why are we talking about this? Let's drop it."
Jonathan started to play with the strings of his sweater.
"Do you think she will go back? You know to that lifestyle?"
"Jeeze mark didn't I just say I didn't want to discuss this? Shit you don't listen."

She had already planned it. the move she would make to fill in the void. that need in her to fill up her skin and boil her blood.
Jazzy walked into the police station, her boots clicking against the white tiles.
Officer DelRosa looked up from his desk to see her long legs bare.
the tight black skirt hugging her thighs.
"Are you voluntarily arresting yourself?"
"Only if you are the one to hold me down."
Jazzy sat on his desk rubbing her foot along his inner thigh.
"Shouldn't you be home studying?"
"I have to study the human body." She slid off the desk and went to sit on his lap.
"Then let's learn." Jazzy smirked; her void being filled.

He saw her walking towards him as he slowed down on his bike.
The clothes on her skin gave away what kind of night she had already.
"I was just at your house checking to see if you are okay."
She couldn't look at him.
"Are you okay?"
Jazzy looked up at him and felt the burning of her blood but in the wrong way. She wanted her blood to heat up from excitement not from guilt.
"I'm fine, why did you go to check on me?"
"Because we are dating that's the most obvious answer I can give you." He was nervous. Didn't know what to expect to come into the air and couldn't take waiting. He had to wait though, for her answer.
"Damn Jonathan...why do you want to date me?"
She yelled at him. Jazzy couldn't take it any longer. The look in his eyes showed that he knew but he was waiting for her to say it. She saw a little of the pain that she put in them and she wished she could take it away and run with it.
"Just tell me what you did jaz and then we can fix it."
She remained quiet, the tears coming to her eyes, while she stared at him.
"Jaz...no right?" He was shaking his head. Jonathan didn't want to believe it because he knew everyone would have been right.
He wanted to prove them wrong. She was good just like every one else maybe even better.
"I'm sorry." She choked on her words as she walked up to him but he got off his bike to move back.
"No I get it...trying to get rid of me but know it's a lie."
"I thought-thought we were over...so I went back."
Jazzy tried to touch him again but he denied her that.
"What the fuck Jaz? Just because we stop talking...that DOESN'T mean we are over. It doesn't mean that you cheat either."
"Jonathan...Johnny please I am sorry. I didn't know."
"No don't call me Johnny, don't call me anything, if I didn't see you tonight and I spoke to you whenever would you have told me?"
Jazzy didn't answer; she couldn't muster any words and for the life of her she couldn't understand why she was crying.
"I don't know, maybe, it depends on if I felt guilty or not." His eyes shot out and for a moment he thought his brain had shut down.
"If you felt guilty?"
"Stop it because I worded it wrong. No I didn't see right now looking at you I feel extremely guilty but if I didn't have to look at you then I would not feel guilty."
"Hmm so if you didn't see me then no need to tell me. That is what you are basically telling me...when you feel like fully telling me why did the most selfish thing you could have done come talk to me. That is if you can still remember that I am your boyfriend."
Jazzy watched him walk away from her. She had no choice but to go home but instead of the front door she climbed through her window once more.