Leaving You

“You don’t have to do this.”

Danny’s voice is barely audible, heavy with misery and regret. I abandon my packing and turn to him, forcing a smile. His pleading eyes meet mine, tinged with such a deep sorrow I have to look away, blinking back tears.

“Yes I do,” I say softly.

I return to the suitcase. Carefully, I fold a few t-shirts and jeans, placing them on top of the other clothes in the suitcase. Once all my clothes are inside, I put in a few books and a few other items I can’t leave. It isn’t much; I haven’t exactly amassed a great deal of possessions.

My eyes scout the room briefly for anything of mine remaining. I’m leaving most of my clothes; I don’t wear half of them anyway. But the rest of my worldly possessions are packed safely in my beaten, battered suitcase.

“That’s it,” I say quietly.

Danny merely nods. Detaching himself from the wall he’s leaning against, he reaches out to touch my cheek with a soft, rough palm. I close my eyes, biting my lip to keep myself from crying out.

His touch no longer gives me goose bumps. His close proximity no longer makes my heart race. His smile no longer makes butterflies dance in my stomach. But it still pains me to see him so… broken.

“Danny,” I whisper, opening my eyes.

He blinks furiously, startled, and turns away, shielding his face with a hand. When he speaks, his voice is thick.

“You got everything, then?”

I just nod, unsure what else to say. Grasping my suitcase, I haul it off the bed with some difficulty and wheel it out of the room to the living room. I perch on the old, saggy sofa, wincing at the sudden rush of memories. Danny sits down next to me, and for a few moments there is silence.

Eventually, he speaks. “Where are you going to go?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. All over, maybe.”

He nods, bringing his nails to his mouth to bite them. That’s one of his habits I can’t stand. Even now, I have to resist the urge to tell him to stop.

He sees me staring intently at his hand and laughs nervously, letting it drop. “Sorry. Thought I kicked the habit.”

I nod awkwardly, and we resume our suffocating silence. When did it get like this?I wonder to myself. When did things between us become so strained? I can remember a time when I could talk to Danny about anything, and conversation between us flowed like a river. I can remember a time when we wouldn’t even need to speak; we’d just be content in each others’ presence. I can remember a time when I wouldn’t even have considered what I am about to do.

“You’re really going,” Danny says quietly, looking up at me through his fringe. “You’re really leaving.”

“I have to,” I reply, wishing there was some way I could make him understand.

He nods, feigning understanding. “I know.” His smile is so fake it could be painted on. “I’m happy for you.”

I nod again, focusing on a patch of peeling paint on the wall opposite. Anything to take my mind off the current situation. Silently, I will the taxi to hurry up and get here soon, preferably within the next few seconds.

“Rhea,” he whispers, so quietly I think it’s only an exhalation of breath. But when he repeats my name, I’m forced to look at him.

“What?” I ask when he doesn't say anything else.

“I-” he starts, but there’s the beeping of a horn, and I know the taxi’s finally arrived.

Jumping to my feet, I grab my suitcase and hurry towards the door. But I’m not halfway there when Danny grabs me, spins me round and crushes me in his arms. His fingers weave themselves into my hair as he hugs me close like he’ll never let me go. I stand there, patting him awkwardly on the back.

“Promise me something,” he whispers, as the taxi beeps its horn impatiently. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

“I will,” I reply, but he only holds me closer.

“I love you, you know that?” His voice is soft and fragile.

“Danny, please-”

“Rhea, just hear me out,” he pleads. “I know you don’t love me anymore, and you want a new start, and that’s fine. Really, it is. They always say if you love something, you should let it go, and-”

“Danny,” I say gently, “I have to go.”

“Okay,” he says quietly. “I’m just rambling anyway.”

He releases me, and I try not to sigh too loudly with relief, instead forcing myself to smile at him.

“Goodbye, Danny,” I say softly. “It was great while it lasted.”

With a brief smile, I walk out the door to the black cab. I can hear Danny’s soft footsteps behind me, but I ignore him. The cab driver takes my lone luggage and stuffs it in the boot unceremoniously before slamming it shut and getting in the front.

“Rhea,” Danny says softly, “look after yourself. It’s a wild world out there.”

I merely nod, unsure what else to say. “Bye, Danny.”

“Bye,” he echoes.

Raking a hand through my hair, I get in the taxi, shutting the door behind me.

“London Stanstead, right?” the cabbie calls.

I nod listlessly and the taxi slowly pulls away. I can’t help but turn around, affording myself one last glimpse of my former life. Danny raises a hand forlornly, a gesture I do not return. I can almost see the tears sliding down his face.

Wiping away my own, I turn away. Goodbye, Danny.

Hello, wild world.