Torn Up Letters

October 6

Ashley,

Why am I still writing to you? Now, when you’ll really never read anything I’ve written to you. I don’t want you to anymore, I’m ashamed. I would never have believed it, if I hadn’t seen you with my own eyes. You were my entire life, Ash. Now I have nothing. I can’t even write these stupid letters to you to make myself feel better anymore. I can’t depend on you to always know the right thing to do and say. I always thought you did. But I can’t even look at you. You don’t even know it, you don’t know any of it. You picked me up and let me fall, crashing to the bottom of everything, of life. And the whole time, you hardly noticed me. I thought living without you was the worst thing that could happen, but I was wrong. Seeing you everyday, knowing that, is so much worse. I might scream the next time I see you, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary ever happened. Well, maybe that wasn’t out of the ordinary. How long you’ve been doing that, I’ll never know. I’d like to think it was a one time thing, but I know it wasn’t. I could tell you’ve changed. I just didn’t want to admit it. I still don’t know if I can.