Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

Pulling up to the modest middle class home in Mountain View, California, I cut the engine to the rental car then glanced over at Rian who was examining the house as well, “I didn’t know Joel could afford this.” He muttered softly.

“Yeah, there’s a lot you don’t know about the Cryer’s.” I assured him, seeing as how Kodie’s family hasn’t really welcomed Rian with open arms. Half of me thinks it’s because he pushed Kodie out of his life when she was pregnant with JJ, she needed the most help then and it seems like that’s when everyone, including myself, ran away except for the Cryer’s.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rian frowned as he glanced over at me, “You’re telling me that you’re best buddies with them now?” He questioned, “The last time I checked, Coach didn’t like you too well either.”

“It’s a different kind of dislike,” I assured my friend as I opened the door, making the move to get out, “A whole different kind.” I added as I stood to my feet then looked back at the house only to see the front door fly open.

“Look, Daddy’s here!” JJ screamed with happiness.

“Justin Jon!” Joel wailed at the pre-schooler, “Get your ass back in this house and wait for your Dad to come to the door!” He went on then he came out of the house, running after the fast little boy. Finally catching him in the middle of the front yard, he scolded him then adjusted the wiggling boy around in his arms, “Hey,” He greeted Rian first with an unimpressed tone.

“Hi,” Rian replied as he walked up to Joel, then took JJ from him, holding him close. I watched this intently then turned my eyes to my brother-in-law, “Where’s Kodie?”

“She’s at work,” He rolled his eyes, “The babysitter was late so I had to call into work today.”

“Who’s the babysitter?” Rian frowned, “Kodie didn’t say anything about a babysitter.”

“I am,” I heard Trent inform us as he walked out of the house wearing just a pair of basketball shorts and flip flops, “I had a late night last night, totally forgot I had to watch the little guy today.”

“Yeah, forget again and I’ll fucking kick your ass.” Joel snapped as he looked back at his younger brother, “Some of us have jobs.”

“I do have a job, babysitting JJ, Kodie’s paying me.” Trent shrugged his shoulders then looked over at me, “I thought you weren’t supposed to fly in until tomorrow.”

“I decided to come out here earlier.” I shrugged my shoulders, “Spend as much time with Kodie as I can,” I looked over at JJ and smiled, “Hey you,” I greeted as I walked over to Rian who was still holding his son closely.

JJ looked over at me and smiled cutely, “Hi,” He reached over for me and took him out of Rian’s arms, holding him close. He gave me a tight hug then wiggled, wanting to be put down onto his feet. Once I put him down, he looked at the car with a sad face, “Where’s Uncle Alex?” He whispered with disappointment.

“Back home,” I answered, “He couldn’t come out here,” I said softly.

“Oh,” JJ wrinkled his nose like his Mother does then inhaled deeply, “C’mon, we’re playing video games!” He exclaimed as he hurried back into the house.

The four of us watched the little boy then quietly followed his actions once he had disappeared into the house. “How long are you two staying?” Trent asked cheerfully.

“A week,” I answered.

“I’m only staying for a few days, just to hang out with JJ for a while.” Rian insisted, “I have a hotel room downtown,”

Joel eyed Rian but said nothing as we entered the house. Once inside, Rian sat down next to JJ and watched him play what looks like Madden against Trent. Joel however walked straight towards the kitchen without a single word. With a frown on my face, I followed the oldest Cryer silently. In the kitchen, I sat down on a bar stool at the counter, “You ok?” I asked.

He looked over at me then shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know,” He shook his head.

“Is it Kodie and JJ living here?” I asked.

“What?” He frowned deeply, “No, it’s not them at all. JJ loves it here, and Kodie, she’s adjusting. This is definitely not her favorite place on earth but she’s starting to enjoy it.” He licked his lips, “It’s me.”

“You?” I made a face.

“Yeah, me …” He let out a sigh, “I’m not happy.” He looked over at me then shook his head, “I don’t know why I’m talking about this to you, Barakat, you married my sister behind my family’s back.”

“I did not,” I defended, “It was her idea to go get married anyway,” I assured, “I couldn’t say no, I love her, I wasn’t about to say no.”

Joel eyed me then nodded his head slightly before falling quiet once more.

“You know, if it is Kodie and JJ you can tell me.”

He looked back at me and shook his head, “It’s not them, it’s something else.” He cleared his throat, “I broke up with Kayla.”

“I know,” I nodded.

“You don’t know the reason.” He licked his lips as he let out a loud sigh, “We’ve been having problems, but we played nice in front of other people, truth is, I don’t love her the way she needs me to.”

“It happens,” I assured, “You fall out of love, just like you fall in love.”

“No,” He shook his head, “You’re the perfect example,” He pointed out, “You’re head over heels for Kodie, even if you two were to break it all off again, you’d still love her to some extent, you’d still care for her.”

“And you don’t for Kayla?”

“I care, as a friend.” Joel reached up and rubbed the back of his neck stressfully, obviously whatever he’s keeping from everyone is eating him up inside. “I have to tell someone,” He said softly, “I’m going to tell you but you have to keep your mouth shut about it until I can tell my family, my own way, including Kodie. You have to keep this from Kodie.”

“Maybe I don’t want to know,” I admitted, “I have a hard time keeping things from her, she has a way of knowing and she knows how to get it out of me.”

“Well, just forget about it then,” Joel snapped harshly.

I raised my eyebrows, “I’m sorry, I won’t tell.” I grumbled like a scolded child, “Tell me.” I insisted, “Just spill your guts, what are brother-in-law’s for, right?”

He gave me a sideways look before lowering his head a little, “I’m gay,” He whispered so softly I could barely hear him.

I looked back at him and sighed quietly as everything started to make sense. Any other guy would have married Kayla a long time ago. Not to mention now that he’s came out, it seems like I knew almost, like deep down somewhere, I knew, “That’s not bad,” I assured him, “I have plenty of gay friends.” I nodded my head, “Not to mention I have a few man crushes myself.” I smiled, “I’ve honest to God made out with both Rian and Alex before.” I laughed, “It’s not a big deal, Joel.”

He licked his lips, “Yeah, Coach Cryer isn’t your Father either.” He pointed out, “The man’s man.” He rolled his eyes.

“Dude, you’re his son, I’m sure it won’t be a big deal, trust me.”

Joel looked at me, eyeing me intently, “You’re the first person besides my … my boyfriend whom I’ve told.” He let out a loud breath, “It feels good to tell someone.”

“You should tell Kodie, she’ll understand and it’ll clear up a lot for her, I think one of the reasons she doesn’t like it here so much is because she thinks she broke you and Kayla up. That’s been pretty hard on her, she’s insecure like that.” I mumbled then I heard the front door close followed by JJ greeting his Mother loudly but by the sound of it, he didn’t get up from playing his game to hug her.

“Jack?” Kodie called out as I heard her footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

“Hey babe,” I smiled as I stood up off of the stool and made my way over to her, “How was work?”

“I work with a bunch of snotty nosed private school kids who fake stomach aches, how well do you think it was?” She responded before walking into my arms.

Hugging her tightly, I closed my eyes as I rested my head on top of hers, “Well, I didn’t go to private school but I definitely was a snotty nosed kid who faked stomach aches, frequently.”

“I know, I have a boy who reminds me of you.” She laughed then pulled away only to giving me a loving yet closed mouth kiss, “How was your flight?” She asked, “Do you feel any better than you did this morning?” She questioned as she reached up and pressed a hand to my forehead.

“Yeah, I had a hangover this morning.” I laughed, “I went to bed at four and woke up at six thirty still drunk, not cool. But I slept on the plane ride over,” I informed her before smiling down at her, “So, date night tonight?” I asked, “Friday night, no work tomorrow, I say we head into the city for a little fun.”

“We’re nineteen, if you’re talking about getting drunk type of fun, we won’t be able to.”

“No,” I shook my head, “We can be tourists, go out to a nice dinner, I’ve already booked a hotel suite at the Hyatt … something a little romantic.” I whispered the last bit as I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, “It’s not a proper honeymoon, but it’s all I got, Babe.”

“It’ll work, give me twenty minutes to get ready and pack up then we’ll leave, deal?”

“Deal,” I agreed as I watched her walk away. Before she was out of my reach, I slapped her ass playfully but said nothing as she shot me a suggestive glance. Once she was down the hall, I looked back at Joel only to see that his back was turned towards me, “Rian is taking JJ out to Chuck E Cheeses tonight then to a movie I think, but he’ll have him at the hotel room, so you don’t have to worry about watching him.”

Joel looked over at me and smiled softly, “Ok,” He nodded.

“Tell her,” I ordered.

“When you two get back I will, I don’t want to ruin your ‘honeymoon’.”

I let out a stressed sigh then nodded my head, “Ok,” I agreed then I walked away, down the hall that Kodie disappeared into.

Not knowing my way around, I took a chance on the only bedroom door that was closed. Turning the knob and pushing it open, I saw my Wife standing by the bed in just her panties and bra, “Hey,” I smiled as I walked, shutting the door behind me, “Damn, I’ve missed you.” I laughed as I came up behind her, wrapping my arms around her tightly.

Leaning back into me, Kodie rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes, “I don’t think I can do it, Jack.”

“Do what? Sex?” I asked, “Why?”

“No, get your head out of the gutter for two seconds, will you?” She demanded, “I don’t think I can live here, since I came here, Joel is just so fucking depressed and it’s my fault.”

“No,” I said knowingly, “It’s not.” I kissed her bare shoulder, “Trust me on this, will you?” I whispered, “Please, for once in your life, trust me.”

“I do trust you, I’ve always trusted you.” Kodie argued.

I nodded a little, “Then drop this, please, just drop it. I’m here, I want to have a good time with my lady …” I bit my lip as I slyly slid my hand down the front of her panties, “A really intimate good time,” I grumbled as I let my fingers dance across the most sensitive part on her body.

Letting out a quiet moan, she just completely relaxed in my arms, “I’ve missed you.”

I smiled a little as I pulled my hand out of her panties and laid it flat against her stomach, “I know,” I kissed her shoulder again but said nothing more.

Placing her hands above mine, she became tense for a mere second before pulled away from me and turning around to face me, “I want a baby,” She said to me.

“Me too,” I nodded.

“When?” She asked, “When do we want a baby?” She went on, “I don’t my kids to be far apart in age, JJ’s going to turn five this year.”

I eyed her intently then licked my lips, “We can try right now if you want but you have to remember I’m touring, I’ll miss a lot of the pregnancy.”

“Well,” She whispered, “You said that you’ll have the majority of the summer off, or at least the end of it, if we try right now, you’ll be home off of the road when I have the baby.”

I smiled, “Do you really want a baby right now?” I asked.

“Yes,” She answered truthfully, “Wanna know a secret?”

“What?”

“When I was pregnant with JJ, I secretly hoped he was yours, I knew deep down I my heart that he wasn’t but I still hoped that when I had him he’d come out looking like a little Barakat.”

I smiled more then nodded my head, “Me too,” I admitted then I kissed her lips, “But he didn’t and that’s alright,” I assured her, “We can start a family as soon as you’d like.”

“Good, I quit my birth control the day we got married.” She informed me.

“Then let’s get to the city, go have a romantic dinner then head to the suite for some baby makin’.” I suggested.

“You don’t think we’re moving too fast, do you? We’re nineteen.” She pointed out.

“Babe, I think if anyone else were in our shoes, they’d do the same thing.” I said truthfully, “We’ve been through hell and back together, and if we want kids who’ll stop us?” I asked, “You have a job, I have a job, it’s not like we can’t afford a child and as far as time is concerned, we just need to learn how to schedule like pros.”

She nodded, agreeing with me, “Love you.” She whispered.

“I love you, too.” I replied as I wrapped my arms around her once more.

“You’re going to make a great Father.” She assured me.

I said nothing to that, I simply just held her tighter than I had been. Marrying this woman has been the biggest accomplishment of my life, I can hardly wait until we have children. I’m not saying my life is perfect but it’s pretty damn close to perfection.