Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

Tangled up in my bed’s sheets, I sighed softly wishing that we were back in San Francisco instead of here at home in Mountain View, but our weekend getaway was cut short when Rian broke our Son. He took JJ to the park and somehow the little boy, who is as adventurous as they come, managed to climb on top of the monkey bars and as Rian was trying to get him down without him getting hurt, JJ took a wrong step, slipped and hit his head on the way down. Knocked him completely out, as well as cracked his head open, he needed stitches and no one could find his insurance card that was in plain view on my dresser, so Jack and I had to leave the city.

Glancing over my shoulder, I studied my sleeping Husband for a moment before deciding that I could get out of bed without waking him. Slipping out of his arms, I reached down to the floor and grabbed his shirt he was wearing earlier today, along with his PJ pants. Dressing myself in them silently, I left the room and made my way through the dark house until I found myself in the kitchen.

Flipping the light on, I gasped in shock when I saw a strange man that I didn’t know sitting on the counter top, eating a bowl of cereal, wearing nothing but basketball shorts. Choking on the food in his mouth, he stared back at me with wide as eyes as he coughed. Without a second thought, I let out an ear piercing scream before reaching over to wooden knife block, grabbing the chef’s knife as I did so. Pointing it towards him, I screamed once more before yelling at him, “Get out!” I demanded.

“Kodie!?” Jack called out from down the hall, “What’s wrong!?” He added, clearly worried about me.

“Call the cops!” I ordered.

“Why?” Jack asked, sounding a lot closer than he was a mere second ago.

“No!” Joel snapped then he took the knife from me, “It’s just Heath,” He assured me as he put the knife back.

I looked at Joel with wide eyes, “Heath?” I asked, “Why is Heath in our kitchen, eating cereal at two in the morning?” I questioned.

Joel cleared his throat but said nothing in response. I turned to my Husband who was just in a pair of his underwear, “Do you know Heath?” I wondered.

Jack shook his head slowly, tired once more now that he knows everything is alright.

“What’s wrong?” JJ’s tiny voice whispered from around the corner.

I looked over at my son giving me a sleepy look but I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t have answers from my questions yet. Jack let out a sigh then scooped the little boy up effortlessly, “Nothing, Mama just tried to kill a strange man in the kitchen who turned out to be Uncle Joel’s friend.” Jack laughed softly to himself as he kissed JJ’s cheek.

“Oh,” JJ said casually, like this happens all the time.

“Let’s get you tucked back into bed, it’s late,” Jack went on, as he carefully pushed the little boys head down onto his shoulder.

I waited until they were out of ear shot to turn back around to Joel and Heath, when I did turn around, I saw that Joel was standing between Heath’s legs and they were finishing the bowl of cereal together. My eyes grew wider, if that were even possible, as I studied this situation in front of me. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out so I simply closed it and frowned with confusion.

“Kodie,” Joel whispered, “I have something to tell you and it’s the reason I’ve been so upset lately, upset at myself for leading everyone on.” He licked his lips, “I’m gay and Heath … Heath is my boyfriend.” He informed me.

Staying silent, I just stared at my brother before I let some tears fall down my cheeks.

“I knew it,” Joel shook his head, “I fucking knew it, I shouldn’t have told anyone, I should’ve just married Kayla.”

I shook my head, “I’ve told you my darkest secrets from my past and you can’t tell me you prefer boys over girls?” I questioned with amazement, “Joel?” I whispered.

His face fell as he looked at me, ashamed of himself not because he’s gay but because he knew I was right. He could come to me with anything, absolutely anything and he didn’t, “Kodie,” He whispered as he took a step towards me, “I’m sorry,” He mumbled.

I took a step back, away from him and frowned more, “Everything, Joel,” I reminded, “From watching my Dad shoot himself to getting physically abused from foster parents!” I screamed.

“What’s going on?” Jack questioned sternly, it was the tone of voice he only used when he felt like someone was causing me too much pain, emotionally, and it seems like he only uses it on people who bring up my past.

I looked over at my Husband and shook my head, “Nothing,” I said simply, “Nothing is going on,” I assured him then I looked back at my Brother and Heath, it was then I saw the stunned look upon Heath’s face, obviously not knowing I was adopted or didn’t know the extent of my past, “Maybe when you’re ready to stop keeping secrets from me, we can talk.” I snapped and walked away, pushing by Jack as I did so.

Storming into my room, I slammed the bedroom door only to have it open up a mere second later, “You almost hit me,” Jack grumbled as he shut the door behind himself.

“Good,” I growled as I paced my room.

“Kodie,” Jack started cautiously, “Can you calm down so I can say something?”

“What?” I stopped walking and looked over at him.

“He kept it a secret for a reason,” Jack nodded, “Babe, put yourself in his shoes and imagine you are him, with Coach as your Father, the man’s man.” He pointed out, “How let down do you think your Dad would be if he found out?”

“he wouldn’t, Daddy doesn’t care about that kind of shit, Jack.” I snapped, “He loves Joel for Joel!” I assured.

“Maybe, but Joel was scared that he wouldn’t, so he hid it with Kayla, who probably had no idea either.” He pointed out, “You need to back off of him,”

I frowned, “Why are you siding with him?”

“I’m not, I’m not siding with anyone, but I’m telling you, you’re out of line with this.” He raised his eyebrows, “Be mad at me, I don’t give a fuck, but you should not be mad at Joel, he had his reasons, as stupid as they are, they were his reasons. You should go apologize.”

Eyeing my Husband, I didn’t know what to say to that.

“I know,” Jack said with a shrug as he climbed back into bed, “I just put you in your place and to be honest, it felt good.” He smiled, “Kodie, I love you with all of my heart, but you just made Joel feel like dog shit on the bottom of your shoe, that was wrong.” He yawned tiredly, “Go be nice, I know you can be.” He encouraged then fell silent.

I stared at him for a long minute before leaving my bedroom. I made my way back to the kitchen to see Joel standing there, talking to Heath. Their conversation came to a sudden halt when they noticed me. I lowered my head a little then cleared my throat, “I’m sorry,” I whispered, “I shouldn’t have said what I did, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Joel eyed me a little then shook his head, “You were right, I should’ve trusted you with this fact about me but I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone, no one knew, except Heath, we’ve secretly been together for almost three years.”

I licked my lips then eyed my brother’s boyfriend before looking back at my brother, “I’m still sorry I yelled and said what I did.” I mumbled, “I love you, gay or not gay, you’re my brother.”

Joel smiled then walked over to me, hugging me tightly, “Monday morning, I’m going home to tell Mom and Dad.”

I nodded against his chest, “Ok, everything will be fine, Daddy won’t be mad, promise.”

“I hope you’re right.” He agreed then he let me go, “I’m telling Trent tomorrow when he comes over.”

I forced a smile, “You may get teased a bit from him, but it’s all in good fun.” I assured.

“Yeah, I know.” Joel smiled then it faded slowly, “I was thinking that maybe, since it’s all out in the open, that Heath live here with us.”

“Sure,” I agreed, not caring, “Sounds good,” I added.

Joel smiled more then nodded, “Ok,”

“Ok,” I mocked then pointed down the hall, “I’m going to go back to bed, Heath, I’m sorry for almost killing you.”

Heath grinned at me, “Don’t worry about it,” He assured me.

I nodded a little then walked back to my room. Once I was back in bed comfortably, Jack wrapped his arms around me, “I’m proud of you, admitted you were wrong.” He mumbled.

“Don’t push your luck, Barakat.” I ordered.

“I love you,” He kissed my cheek lightly, “Sweet dreams, babe.”

“Sweet dreams,” I mocked then I fell silent, letting Jack fall back asleep as I stayed awake and took in this life changing news. Suddenly, everything makes sense now.