Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

“Do you think you’ll ever want to forgive him?” Jack whispered as he ran his fingers through my hair while we laid in the middle of our brand new bedroom floor on a couple of blankets and pillows.

Shrugging my shoulders, I tiredly stared at the blank white ceiling, “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, “At some point in time, I suppose I need to swallow my pride and be around him again, for the sake of my parents but as far as forgiving him goes, I don’t know.”

“Despite what he did to me, he still loves you so much,” Jack went on, using the same tone of voice, “I mean, seriously Kodie, the guy would never hurt a single hair on the top of your head or JJ’s for that matter … I still trust him with your life.” He admitted.

I made a face to myself before lifting my head up to look at my Husband, “Do you forgive him?”

He studied me with his brown eyes for a long moment before he let out a sigh, “It’s complicated.” He answered.

“Try to explain,” I insisted as I pushed some of his hair to the side of his face.

He inhaled deeply then turned his eyes away from me despite the fact that I was hovering over his face, he still managed to look away, “I can’t,” He said to me, “I mean, I guess I’m scared of him, because I don’t know if I’d be here right now if Trent hadn’t come over on time for a change,” He frowned, “The way he hit me, the way he came at me wasn’t bottled up anger from everything it was bottled up anger from me, I think he truly doesn’t like me and I think if he had it to do all over again, he probably still would’ve came at me like he did.”

I shook my head slowly, “I don’t think I can forgive someone who almost killed the only man I have truly ever loved.”

Jack turned his eyes towards me once more, “That’s a lie, you loved your Uncle and I know for damn sure you love the Coach and Jordan.” He smiled.

I smiled, “Ok,” I agreed, “How about the only one whose ever been there for me through thick and thin?” I wondered, “Is that better?”

He nodded slowly, “I guess but I’ve let you down a few times.”

“And I’ve let you down too,” I shrugged, “So, we’re even.” I smirked then leaned down and kissed his lips lightly, “You know, I’m really going to miss you,” I nodded, “And JJ’s really going to miss you too, who is he going to run to when he wants to be tucked in? He doesn’t like the way I do it anymore since we’ve gotten married and you’ve started tucking in him at night.”

Jack laughed softly, “I think you two will come to some sort of agreement on the bedtime routine, by the time I get back home, he won’t want anything to do with me.” He teased, “And I’m really going to miss the both of you,”

“Well,” I cleared my throat as I laid my head back down on his shoulder, “You’re going to have to miss the three of us from now on,” I whispered.

Jack’s body tensed up ever so slightly before he sat up, carefully pulling me up with him, “What are you saying?” He asked, “You’re pregnant?”

I nodded, “The doctor confirmed it today, I went to a quick appointment that I made while you went into the city with JJ and Rian.”

Jack grinned cutely before he pressed his lips to mine and kissed me lovingly. Pulling away from him before he was done, I placed my hands on his chest, keeping him at a distance while I spoke, “Apparently we conceived sometime out in California,” I nodded a bit, “The first or second night you were there so, I’m sort of guessing it was when we went into San Francisco.” I blushed.

“No, you want it to be when we were in San Francisco.” He teased.

“Ok, I do but that night was truly romantic, you have to admit.”

“It was romantic,” Jack agreed before he lowered his eyes down to my stomach, “So by the time I get home, you’ll have a little bit of a baby bump, won’t you?”

“I should,” I agreed, “My due date is at the end of September, give or take a week.”

“This is amazing news,” He pressed his hand to my stomach and smiled proudly, “Finally, I get to say I knocked you up.”

Placing my hand on top of his, I stared into his eyes, “You know, if I had to do it all over again,” I whispered, “I wouldn’t change anything,” I muttered, “I wouldn’t change the fact that Rian is JJ’s Dad, or that we didn’t talk for four years,” I shrugged, “Even though it hurt like hell, I’d go through it again,” I lowered my eyes to our hands against my stomach, “Because, it made me realize how much I truly love you, how much I used to take you for granted. And I learned to be on my own.”

Jack made a face, “Well, I guess that’s something we agree to disagree on,” He smiled a little, “Because if I had to do it all over again, I’d do everything in my power to be a better man before you had the chance to leave me, and as much as I love Rian, I’d want to be JJ’s Dad.”

I nodded, “I know,” With my free hand, I reached over and ran my fingers through his hair, “From the moment you knew I was pregnant with him, I knew you wanted him to be yours.”

“None of that matters now, because this little one is definitely mine, or at least it better be mine,” He smirked cutely.

“Oh, it’s yours.” I confirmed, “Yes, this little bundle of joy is all Barakat.”

“Good,” Jack laughed then laid back down and tugged me with him, “So, this is my last night in town and we’ve spent over half of it, just lying here talking, shouldn’t we be having sex instead?” He wondered.

Cuddling into him closely, “Honestly, I’m not really in the mood,” I admitted, “I’m a bit run down, all this moving and unpacking has me really tired, plus, I’m making a baby.”

“Oh, excuses,” Jack grumbled, “You’re going to miss this while I’m gone, you’re going to be kicking yourself in the ass for not fucking me while you had the chance.”

“I highly doubt that,” I joked.

Pulling the covers around us more than they were, Jack held me closer as he relaxed, “Promise me, years from now, you won’t hold it against me that I won’t be here through most of this pregnancy,” He muttered, “I won’t miss the birth, even if it means me losing everything I’ve worked so hard for, I won’t miss the birth of our baby, I promise, I just want you to promise you won’t guilt trip me later on down the road.”

“I promise,” I assured, “I knew what I was getting into when I said I wanted to get pregnant, I knew would probably won’t be here for most of it,” I smiled sleepily, “It’s not like I won’t be able to come see you out on the road and you’ll have weekends here and there off to fly home and see us, we’ll be fine.”

“Sometimes, it’s scary how much you understand this lifestyle that I lead.” Jack whispered, “No Wife should be this ok with her Husband not being there for a pregnancy.”

I just smiled, “Most Husbands don’t have Wives like me though,” I pointed out, “You love a tough bitch, you know.”

“I know it, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

I laughed a little but sleep was slowly winning over my body, “Love you, Babe.”

“Love you, Babe,” Jack moved then I felt him kiss my forehead, “Sweet dreams, Kodie Barakat.”

I smiled softly, “Sweet dreams, Jack Barakat.”

With that said, we both fell quiet and I don’t know about Jack but I almost instantly fell asleep somewhat dreading tomorrow but completely stoked about our pregnancy.