Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

Sitting outside on my parents front porch swing, I watched as Trent taught JJ how to hit a baseball properly. Something my Father already showed him but Trent and our Father sometimes disagree on a lot when it comes to sports and how to do it properly but I figured letting them both teach JJ wouldn’t hurt.

Slowly the front door opened and the screen pushed open before Joel walked out. He quietly stood there as he gently shut the screen door. Glancing up at him, I saw that his eyes were focused on JJ and Trent, “So, are you going to put him in little league this year, he’s old enough, finally.”

I nodded slowly, confirming that I was putting him in little league but I didn’t answer vocally. It’s been a few months since Jack left home for tour and since he left, I’ve been coming around my parents place a lot more. I haven't forgiven Joel, I hardly even talk to him unless I absolutely have to but I shouldn’t punish my parents by not coming over simply because their oldest Son is a jackass.

“He’s going to be a great player, they may even consider pushing him up a level. I think he’d get bored with tee ball.” Joel went on.

“He’s not playing tee ball,” I muttered, “Trent is coaching a team this year and so is Dad, he’s going to be on one of their teams.” I exhaled then frowned deeply, “What do you want, Joel?”

He turned to me and frowned slightly, “To talk to my little Sister.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you beat the living shit out of my Husband.”

“That’s old news, Kodie, and I already apologized for that.”

“It’s not old news and I don’t care if you have apologized, you better keep apologizing.” I snapped, “What you did to Jack was immature and uncalled for,” I stood up and looked at Joel, “And how dare you hurt me in such a way,” I said simply, “After all the shit that you know that I’ve been through, you still insisted on doing what you did. Now, Jack is terrified of you, I don’t trust you and JJ is short an Uncle.”

“I never stopped being his Uncle, Jack has nothing to be terrified over, I accidentally slipped and it won’t happen again and I’m trying to earn your trust back if you’d just let me.”

I shrugged a little bit then looked back over at Trent and JJ, “I come over for Dad and Mom, so they can see me and JJ. This has been hard on them and I know it has, but I don’t think I’m ready to forgive Joel. What would’ve happened if Trent didn’t come over?” I wondered softly, “Would you have beaten Jack to death? Or so bad that he wouldn’t be the same? I don’t know what would’ve happened and that scares me, because if it happened once it could happen again.”

“Kodie,” Joel whispered.

“I just need time,” I pointed out, “Look at what my real family did to me and I still haven't forgiven them. I need space, that’s all Joel.”

Joel studied me, “I love you, Kodie.”

“I know, and I love you but I don’t like you right now.” I insisted, “Now, just leave me alone.” I sat back down and turned my attention back to my Son.

Joel let out a gentle sigh before he went back into the house and it seemed like as soon as he went back in, my Father came out. Glancing at me, he smiled before looking out at his Grandson and Son, “Damnit, Trent!” He snapped in his ‘Coach’ voice.

Trent looked up at our Father and frowned, “Leave us alone, Coach!” Trent snapped back.

“Yeah, Coach!” JJ laughed happily.

My Dad a face and shook his head, “That boy is learning the wrong way entirely.”

I smiled, “Can’t we learn both ways?” I asked.

“No, there’s a wrong way and a right way.”

“He’s four,”

“Almost five!” My Dad pointed out before he came over and sat next to me, “So, how come you’re holding out on your old man?” He wondered, “I know damn well that your doctor’s appointment today was the one where you find out the gender.”

I smiled, “I haven't even told Jack what we’re having yet, why would I tell you?” I laughed.

“Because, I’m your Father.” He said simply.

I laughed, “Well, Coach, you have another little jock of a Grandson coming your way.”

“It’s a boy?” He smiled happily.

“Yeah, a little Jack Barakat.”

“Oh,” My Dad grumbled with a face and shook his head, “If he’s anything like his Father…”

“He’s going to be a little hell raiser and he’ll rebel against you and your Coach ways,” I teased with a smile.

“Most likely,” He nodded then he reached over and pushed some of my hair behind my ear, “Fine with me though, I’ll take him anyway,” He teased then leaned over and kissed my cheek, “You look happy and that makes me happy.”

“I am happy,” I confirmed, “I’m in a great place right now, hell I even like my job.”

“Oh yeah, how’s that job working out?”

“I work in a doctor’s office,” I smiled, “I take blood pressure, heart rates and give shots all day, it’s working out fine.” I laughed, “It doesn’t hurt that I’m the head nurse of the office either, plus the benefits are a total bonus, a life saver, especially since I can have Jack on my insurance, lord knows he needs it. He’s already been to the ER three times since I put him on my insurance.” I admitted, “Twice because he needed antibiotics for a cold and once because he needed stitches.”

My Dad laughed, “He can’t get insurance?”

“Private insurance,” I said softly, “But his job doesn’t come with benefits, Dad.” I smiled, “No health care or dental, but I get benefits so why pay for private insurance when I already get benefits?” I wondered.

“I think they should have some sort of health care plan for musicians like Jack, something priced reasonably. Big name stars can afford that private insurance but small name gigs like Jack’s band can’t. What do the others do for insurance?” He wondered.

“Their parents,” I answered.

He nodded slowly, “He’s trying really hard, you know that?”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Joel isn't the most sensitive guy, I know, even though he is gay.”

I laughed, “Dad, that’s stereotyping.”

He frowned a bit and shrugged, “Still,” He paused, “He knows he screwed up.”

“I know but I think he honestly doesn’t like Jack.” I pointed out.

“If it wasn’t for you two being married and me having to get to know Jack, I probably wouldn’t like him either,” He admitted, “Before I adopted you, I knew Jack, I knew his older Sister and Brother, both of them are stubborn in their own ways but I could handle them, they grew on me, Jack on the other hand … I never did like him. Then we took you in as a foster child and I found out Jack was your boyfriend and best friend, it scared me and pissed me off all at once but I sucked it up.” He smiled, “Eventually, Jack grew on me because once I got to know him, I saw that he does care about his life, he does care about others and he loves you so much. He may act like a goon but he grew on me.”

“Ok, why hasn’t he grown on Joel then?” I wondered.

“Joel and Jack’s older Brother had some problems back when they were in school.” He informed me, “Joel like Jack’s sister and his Brother didn’t like that so he made Joel’s life a living hell.”

“So, Jack is paying for something his Brother did?” I wondered, “And Joel’s gay for crying out loud!”

“I know but back then he was still using his front and I think he was still unsure of what he was.” He paused, “Joel doesn’t like the Barakat family, period. Then you came along, Jack broke your heart and for four years you were so depressed, that was just fuel to the fire for Joel.”

“Jack didn’t break my heart,” I assured, “Daddy, I pushed him out of my life, I was broken back then, I didn’t understand why he loved me so much so I pushed him out of my life, I hooked up with Rian and got JJ and after that, I pushed everyone out of my life. Joel has no real reason to dislike Jack.” I shook my head, “And that’s what gets me, Jack is the only guy on this planet that can truly handle me and understand me because he was there when everything happened yet Joel thinks he’s the worst thing for me. I just don’t understand I guess.”

He shrugged, “I can’t push you into forgiving him but I just wanted to let you know that he truly is trying,” He leaned over and kissed my temple, “I have to get to practice at the school, I’m taking JJ with me to teach him how to hit a ball right.” He laughed then stood up and looked out at JJ, “Dawson!” He ordered, using his Coach voice again.

JJ looked at his Grandfather with a smile, “Coach!” He snapped back cutely.

“Let’s go to practice, get in the truck and into your seat.”

JJ smiled happily as he dropped the bat and ran to my Father’s truck and tried to open the door but couldn’t quite reach the handle. My Dad smiled and walked over to the truck, helping JJ up into it before he got in as well and drove away.

“You need to put that kid on my team,” Trent said sternly as he came up onto the porch, “Dad is brainwashing him.”

“Why don’t I put him on a completely different team?” I wondered, “A team that neither one of you are coaching, he could use the experience.”

Trent frowned at me then shook his head, “He’s your Son, if you want him on a losing team, that’s your choice.”

I laughed at my Brother then shook my head as he disappeared inside, leaving me alone. Once I was alone, I placed my hands on my belly and smiled at the thought of mine and Jack’s first child together growing within me, not being able to wait until the day that Jack is back in town and we can finally spend some quality time together.