Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

With a soft knock, I opened the front door of the apartment that Rian shares with his Fiancée, Jessica. Closing the door behind myself, I stared down at JJ as he looked up at me, fully dressed, looking like he was waiting for someone. When he saw me though, his face fell slightly but he didn’t budge from his spot by the door.

“Hey, Buddy.” I smiled softly.

“Hi, Uncle Jack.” He whispered back.

“Where’s your Dad?” I asked.

JJ shrugged his shoulders then looked back at the door. I made a face before walking by him, “Rian?”

“In the kitchen.” Rian answered simply.

Making my way towards the kitchen silently, I took one last glance over at JJ then entered the kitchen, “What’s wrong with the little guy?” I asked.

Rian rolled his eyes as he put a plate into the dishwasher, “He hates me,” He said in a hushed whisper, “He cried himself to sleep last night, he was already awake and dressed when I woke up just before eight, he doesn’t want to be here with me.”

I gave Rian a sad look, “Have you tried to do something fun with him?”

“I’ve tried,” Rian shook his head as he shut the dishwasher, “I barely got him to eat breakfast. I’ve tried to get him to play games on the computer and to play x-box with me, I’ve tried everything. He just doesn’t like me.”

“You’re his Dad.” I pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean shit, Jack.”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Why is he waiting by the door.”

“Kodie,” Rian muttered simply then he looked at me with a serious face, “I know I should’ve called Alex or Zack to come over but they’re all with their girlfriends and I need to go pick Jessica up from school and take her to some appointment or another, her car isn’t working for some reason and I haven’t gotten the chance to take a look at it. I need you to watch JJ until Kodie gets here.’

I frowned deeply, “Rian.”

“Dude, he’s easy to watch, he’ll just stand in front of the door.” He said simply before walking out of the kitchen, “Kodie had to pick up her Brothers from the airport and drop them off at home before coming over to pick JJ up.” He informed me, “I need you to do this for me.”

Shaking my head side to side, I shrugged my shoulders at the same time before speaking quickly and nervously, “I can’t.”

“Damn it!” Rian wailed, “Jack, do me a fuckin’ favor!”

I bit the inside of my cheek before nodding, “Fine, just watch him until Kodie gets here.”

“Yeah, you don’t even have to say anything to her.” He pointed out as he grabbed his keys and wallet before kneeling down in front of JJ, “JJ, I have to go pick Jessica up from school, but Uncle Jack is going to stay here with you, ok?”

JJ nodded slowly.

“Are you sure you want to go home?” Rian asked the small boy.

JJ repeated his movement, nodding his head slowly.

“Ok,” Rian took JJ’s face between his hands, “I love you,” He insisted with sad eyes before pouting his lips just a bit, “Can I get a kiss and a hug?”

JJ lightly kissed Rian before wrapping his arms around his neck. Rian held onto his son tightly, “Maybe later I can pick you up and we can go get some ice cream, is that ok?”

“Yeah,” JJ answered then backed away.

“I love you,” Rian repeated.

“Love you, too.” JJ mumbled as he watched Rian stand to his feet.

“Thank you,” Rian said to me before hurrying out of the door. Once it was shut, JJ looked over at me awkwardly as I just stood there like the idiot I am. Studying me with his green eyes, I felt like the boy could see right through me, like he saw me for what I really am. JJ and I haven’t always had the best of relationships, he’s closer to Alex than he is with Zack, myself or Rian. He adores Alex and Alex adores him, that and Alex has the natural ability to get along with kids, they love him and I don’t understand it.

“So,” I started as I sat down on the couch, “You don’t want to hang out with your Dad?” I questioned.

“I miss my Mama,” JJ answered me simply.

“You and your Mom are moving, huh?”

JJ’s eyes lit up, “Yeah, with Uncle Joel and Uncle Trent.” He grinned cutely, his smile looking identical to Rian’s, “We’re gonna live with my Uncle Joel and there’s the ocean too!”

“Wow,” I smiled, “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

JJ nodded with such a serious face, “Yeah,” He agreed then looked back at the door, “Mama said I can even get a puppy or a kitty.”

“That’s cool.” I muttered then I frowned, “Does your Mom have … have a friend that’s a boy?”

JJ looked back over at me with a questioning look, “Yeah,” he answered, “Daddy, you, Uncle Alex, Uncle Zack … um, that’s all.”

“So, she doesn’t let any boys sleep over?”

“No,” JJ answered, “why?” He frowned.

“Just wondering.” I insisted knowing it’s wrong to be getting information about Kodie through her son, but how else am I going to get it?

JJ turned his entire body towards me and took a few steps over to me, closing the gap between us, “How come you don’t talk to Mama?”

“I talk to her,” I lied.

“No.” JJ shook his head, “You don’t.” he called me out, “Mama said.”

“What else does she say about me?”

“Um,” He thought, “You’re a bad word,” He nodded with a serious face, “A really bad word.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “I guess I am.”

“But why?”

“It’s complicated.” I insisted and as I was about to ask something else, the front door opened and Kodie appeared,

“Mama!” JJ squealed with happiness as he ran to her. Kodie effortlessly picked him up off of his feet, hugging him close.

“JJ,” She started, “How come you don’t want to stay with Daddy?” She questioned the little boy.

“Cause,” he answered but didn’t elaborate on his reason.

Turning her attention to me, Kodie’s eyes opened wide with shock for a moment, “Jack?”

“Kodie,” I mumbled.

“Where’s Rian?”

“He had to go get Jessica, her car is broken or something and she needed to get to an appointment.” I licked my lips, “He called me over to watch JJ until you got here.”

“Thank You,” She said quietly before she placed the little boy down on his feet, “Where’s your bag, JJ?”

“My room,” He answered, “I’ll show you,” He insisted, taking her hand and guiding her down the hall. Once they entered his room, I heard Kodie gasp with shock, “Oh my God, JJ look at what Daddy did for you.” She said to the little boy, “He turned your room in to a football themed room, did you say Thank You?”

“No,” JJ answered her.

I got to me feet, not knowing JJ’s room had been redone. In the doorway of the little boy’s room, I looked around with my jaw dropped just slightly, “Wow,” I mumbled, shocked as well.

Kodie looked over at me, “Did you help him to do this?”

“No,” I answered.

“I’m ready,” JJ insisted with his bag.

Kodie grabbed the bag from the little boy then took his hand in hers. I stepped out of the way and let them pass before I took one last look at the room then followed them out into the living room. Out in the living room, I once again just sort of stood around like an idiot while Kodie started to head out of the apartment.

“Wait,” I whispered, stopping Kodie in her tracks.

“What?” She questioned.

I stared at her nervously then bit down onto my lip just a bit before speaking slowly, “Before you leave town, do you think it’s possible for me to take you to dinner?”

“Jack,” She started.

“I know, don’t love you.” I cut her off, “But Kodie…”

“Jack,” She snapped with serious eyes then they turned soft, “I don’t know.”

I frowned but said nothing.

“Just friends,” She warned, “Right?”

“Right,” I confirmed.

“Ok,” She adjusted JJ on her hip then nodded, “Call me.”

I nodded but said nothing more as she walked out of the apartment, shutting the door behind herself. Once I was alone, I flopped onto the couch and rubbed my face stressfully, “Idiot,” I muttered to myself harshly before I stood up and walked out of the apartment as well, making sure the door was locked before I shut the door.

So, I got a date with Kodie as just friends but suddenly, I’m regretting it and I don’t understand why. Maybe I wont be able to even be friends with her, who knows? I guess I’ll find out when we go out.

**********************

“Did he?” Trent mumbled from lying on his bed.

“Yeah,” I answered, “He did ask me out on a date, I agreed.” I whispered.

Trent tiredly looked over at me before burying his face into his pillow, “why are you talking to me about this?”

“Because,” I answered, “Joel will run his mouth to everyone, Jordan will get protective and threaten Jack, you’re the only one who will stay … level headed.”

“Says who?” My brother countered, lifting his head and looking at me, “what’s stopping me from picking up that phone and calling Jack?”

“Nothing, but you wouldn’t.”

He made a face, “You’re right, I wouldn’t.” He rolled over onto his back, “Listen Kodie, if you want to go out with him, go out with him. He never did anything wrong to you, all he ever did was love you and just be your boyfriend, you were the moody bitch.”

“Trent,” I warned sternly.

“But you also had reason, it was tough time in your life,” He pointed out, “You were in a new foster home, with a new family, you were getting older and more independent, you were scared to let anyone in. But Mom and Dad adopted you, JJ came along, we’ve made it through the hard part, Kodie.” He smiled.

“Think so?”

“Yeah,” He nodded, “smooth sailing until JJ turns thirteen and puberty starts then we’ll go through hell again.”

“Shut up,” I laughed as I shook my head, “Daddy doesn’t like Jack.”

“Dad won’t like any guy you date but I know for a fact that Dad trusts Jack with you, because Jack knows your history.” He spoke softly, “You may have an amazing life now, but there’s still scars that could easily be opened again if someone did or said the wrong things to you, not knowing your background.”

“I’m not some fragile egg,” I growled.

“I never said you were but Kodie,” he started, “The first time you see someone drunk that you’re dating, not knowing if they’re a mean drunk or not, you’re going to flip the fuck out!” He snapped, “Then there’s JJ, whom you trust no one with, unless it’s family, Dawson’s family or one of the guys.” He pointed out, “You’re complicated, you’re difficult and that’s ok because you have every right to be that way but the one guy who is willing to accept you for who you are, you keep pushing away.” He paused, “Date Jack or don’t date him, I don’t care, it’s not my love life but think about it Kodie. Jack whom you already know, love, trust, and I’m guessing intimately know as well, or some asshole you meet in California who is good looking, a sweet talker but knows nothing about you and could potentially hurt you without knowing he’s hurting you.”

I thought about what he just said for a second then I frowned, “Trent,” I whispered, “I told him not to love me.”

“Do you think that’s stopped him?”

“He hasn’t talked to me in four years, today was the first time he’s talked to me in four years.”

“You’re getting ready to move,” Trent rolled back over onto his stomach, “He’s got to see if he can save what he had with you before it’s too late.” He added before burying his face into his pillow, “Now, if you don’t mind I need to sleep, go bug Joel or Jordan with your relationship crisis.”

I stood up from his computer chair and made a face, “Thanks.”

“What are brothers for?” He muttered.

I smiled then left his room, shutting the door behind myself. Once out in the hallway, my Dad was walking by and eyed me skeptically, “I thought he was asleep.”

“I woke him up.”

He nodded then pushed the door open to his and my mother’s room, “If you ask me, I say you give Barakat another chance.” He said softly then walked into the room, “I’m taking JJ to practice with me as soon as I change.”

“Ok,” I agreed, knowing my son loves to go to football practice with my Dad, “Dad?”

“What honey?”

“Do you think it’s worth it?” I questioned.

“Question is, do you?”

I frowned at his answer then walked away, making my way downstairs. In the living room, I saw JJ sitting on the floor, trying to tie his shoe by himself but it wasn’t working out as he planned because he kicked his shoes off then shoved his feet into his slip on vans. I smiled at him before sitting down on the couch.

Looking over at the other couch, I studied Joel intently as he lied on side, cuddling with his long time girlfriend Kayla. Kayla’s eyes were shut as she slept silently but Joel’s were half open, watching the TV lazily.

“Why are you staring at me?” Joel questioned.

“Jack asked me out.” I whispered.

Joel turned his head towards me with a frown before turning back to the TV, “And?”

“And, I said yes.”

“Oh,”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “Joel, do you think I’m broken?”

He looked over at me once more, “Broken? What do you mean by broken?”

“That I’m damaged goods because of … because of my past.”

Joel’s eyes turned soft, “No,” He whispered, “You’re just complicated.” He assured.

“Trent said the same thing,” I admitted then I looked over at JJ, “JJ, go to the bathroom before you leave.”

My son looked over at me before hurrying to the downstairs bathroom. Shaking my head, I just smiled, “He spent the night with Rian last night, hated it.”

“He doesn’t know him,” Joel pointed out.

“Yeah, but he knows he’s his Dad and he’s never not wanted to at least see Rian,” I pointed out.

“He’s getting older,”

“I know.”

“He’s at the point where you need to see him at least once a week or talk to him all the time in order for him to like you.” Joel made a face, “Somehow you have managed to create a shy, sensitive, jock.”

I smiled, “That was my mission.”

Joel laughed a little but said nothing more as he tightened his grip around Kayla.

“Did it,” JJ said as he walked out of the hallway and to the stairs, “Papa!?” He wailed, “Hurry!”

“I’m coming!” My Dad called back then he appeared at the top of the stairs, “Alright, let’s go.” He said as he reached the pre-schooler and lifted him up with ease, “We’ll see everyone after practice.’

“Have fun,” I insisted.

“Yeah, show those high school sissies how it’s done, little man.” Joel laughed.

JJ grinned but said nothing as they left the house. Once they were gone, everything became silent again except for the TV.

Maybe I should just give Jack another chance, I’ve grown up a lot since we dated last, I’m sure he has too, maybe we’d be able to make it work. And Trent is right, Jack knows me, he knows the secrets and the skeletons in my closet and he still loves me or did love me. Maybe it’s time for me to finally let Jack love me the way that he wants to, to finally let myself love Jack the way that I’ve always wanted to but was too scared and didn’t know how to.