Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

Loudly, the door bell rang making me lift my head and look towards the front door before I stood up from the kitchen table and pointed to my Step-Son, “JJ, keep the paint on the paper please, I’ll be right back.” I assured as I walked to the door wearing a pair of basket ball shorts and a white v-neck shirt that’s covered in finger paint.

Stressfully, I sighed while walking to the door, not wanting to deal with any visitors. I’ve been away from home for a few months now, I’m only home for a matter of days before I leave again and I want to spend that time with my Wife, JJ, and my family. Even though my Wife decided to go to lunch with Elizabeth and Lauren while I looked after JJ for the afternoon, I just want to lay low, meaning no visitors.

Opening the door, I frowned deeply when I saw who it was, “You,” I growled then I pointed towards the street, “Claire, go away and don’t come back.” I ordered to my Wife’s blood related Sister, “What are you even doing here, how do you know where we live?”

“The Coach,” She muttered then she made a face, “Does … Mr. Cryer call himself the Coach often?”

I nodded, “Yeah, he’s the Coach … wait a minute, Kodie’s Dad told you where we live?”

She nodded her head slowly, “My Mom … mine and Kodie’s Mom, she’s in the hospital.” She whispered.

I shrugged my shoulders, “You need to leave, I don’t want to hear about this or deal with this, my Wife doesn’t need this right now.”

“She’s not going to make it, Jack,” Claire said simply, “I just wanted to come by and tell Kodie, is she home?’

“No,”

“Jack!?” JJ called out from the kitchen, “The paint’s not on the paper no more!”

I frowned more than I had been when I looked over my shoulder and back at JJ to see that he was sitting there, watching a tipped over cup of paint spill onto the table and off onto the hardwood floor, “Damnit, Justin Jon!” I snapped, not meaning to sound as much as I came off but it’s not him I’m mad at, it’s this situation that Claire has put me in.

“Stay put,” I ordered to Claire as I hurried over to the table and quickly started to clean up the mess, not wanting my brand new table and floor to be permanently stained blue by finger paint.

“Jack this is serious,” I heard Claire say from the door.

“So is this mess,” I muttered then I looked up at JJ, “Go get me the paper towels, please.” I ordered then I pointed to the pantry, “They’re right in there, remember?”

JJ nodded then walked away to fetch the paper towels for me, “Claire, you just need to leave before Kodie gets home.” I demanded, “She wants nothing to do with you or your Mother, I’m sorry for your situation, I don’t wish bad health upon anyone but Kodie isn’t your Family.”

“Once my Mother dies, she’ll be the only family that I have left, Jack.” Claire said sternly, “I didn’t cause the things that happened to her when we were little, I didn’t make our Father drink every night, I didn’t make him shoot our Uncle then himself, I shouldn’t have to bear the burden, knowing my Sister, my own little Sister hates me and blames me for what happened to her when we were little girls.”

I stopped what I was doing and looked up at Claire but said nothing.

“I’m sorry for all the things that happened to her, I’m sorry that your Wife will never, truly be ‘ok’, that she’ll always have nightmares of what happened because she was there, I’m sorry for all of that, I’m sorry that I didn’t find out sooner that she was still alive. I’m just sorry but she’s still my Sister, and in a matter of days maybe even hours, she’s going to be the only person I have left in my life.”

I frowned, not believing her because I know for damn sure she has a lot of friends and a close circle of tight knit friends that she’s always talking to. Rian did date her for a few weeks before he decided he was going to introduce her to Kodie, not knowing they were Sister.

“I need Kodie, so can you please just go get her?”

“She’s not here,” I repeated, “I told you that,” I looked over at JJ as he walked to me, holding the paper towels, “Here,” he whispered softly, “I’m sorry,”

“It’s fine, buddy.” I assured him, “I didn’t mean to yell, I’m not mad at you, messes happen,” I nodded as I started to clean up the paint once more, “Can you do me a favor and go into the bathroom and get ready for a bath, don’t turn on the water but just take your shoes and clothes off, wait in the tub for me until I’m done and I can turn the water on for you.”

He nodded then hurried down the hall.

“Is that him?” Claire whispered, “Hers and Rian’s Son?”

I looked up at her and nodded, “Yeah, that’s JJ.” I confirmed.

“He’s beautiful,” She smiled, “Looks everything like his Father.” She pointed out the obvious, “How do you do it?” She wondered, “Knowing that she has a kid with one of your best friends.”

I stood up with the used paper towels in my hands, “I love Kodie unconditionally, I love JJ unconditionally, Rian isn’t just my best friend but he’s like a Brother to me. What happened between them almost five years ago wasn’t because Kodie doesn’t love me but because Kodie was hurt and was scared to be loved, she was in a bad place at the time. One drunken night together shouldn’t be held against them, even if it did result in JJ being born. I love JJ like he was my own.” I shrugged my shoulders, “Listen, I don’t want you here when Kodie gets home because once she see’s you, shit will get crazy and she just won’t listen, she’ll block everyone out. I’ll tell her what’s happening but I can’t promise that she’ll show up at the hospital to say good bye to your Mother.” I licked my lips, “She may, however, decide to keep in contact with you, I don’t know, my Wife can be unpredictable, but I need you to leave, seriously.”

“Ok,” Claire nodded, “Thank you,”

“Don’t thank me,” I assured, “Trust me, this is one area of Kodie’s life that I have no say in.” I said honestly because I can’t tell her whether or not she should say good bye to her dying birth Mother then have a relationship with her real Sister. In my heart, I wouldn’t, maybe it’s because I still hold a grudge, I’m still pissed off that her birth Mother just assumed that she was dead and just left her there without making sure. I’m bitter, and I shouldn’t be but I am because I’ve been here this entire time by Kodie’s side through nightmare after nightmare, foster home after foster home until the Cryer’s.

Claire nodded a little bit then left, closing the front door without another word.

“Who’s that?” JJ asked from the hallway.

I glanced over to see my naked Step-Son standing there with curious eyes, “Get in the tub,” I ordered, “What are you doing parading around with your dick out.” I laughed.

He smiled, “Uncle Alex says you do it,”

I blushed as I quickly thought about how I’m constantly pulling my dick out on tour, mostly because I’m drunk and have nothing to be ashamed of, “That doesn’t make it right,” I smiled then I pointed down the hall, “Tub, now.” Then just as I said that, the front door opened and my Wife walked in, “Mama!” JJ wailed as he ran to her for a hug.

“Oh my God, my naked Son!” She laughed as she kneeled down a bit to catch him, lifting him up with ease even though she’s not supposed to.

“Put him down,” I growled, “Weight restrictions aren’t given to pregnant women just for shits and giggles, Kodie.”

Kodie placed JJ down and frowned, “Are you supposed to be in the tub?” She asked, having seen the paint all over his hair and face.

“Yes,” JJ answered.

“Then get to it, go get in the tub.” She ordered.

JJ giggled before he ran down the hall and back into the bathroom. Kodie walked over to me and kissed my lips lightly, “Looks like you two had fun.”

“Tons,” I rolled my eyes as I threw the paper towels away and sighed, “I have to go start the bath for JJ,” I muttered to her as I started to walk away.

“Wait a minute,” Kodie said softly as she took my hand in hers and pulled me back to her, “He can wait a few seconds,” She insisted as she looked up into my eyes, “What’s wrong? You seem pissed off about something, was JJ a handful?” She wondered, “If he was, how come you didn’t just call me and I would’ve came home or you could’ve called Rian, he’s going with him tonight anyway.”

“It has nothing to do with JJ, Babe, he was amazing, he didn’t throw a single fit and he listened, for the most part.” I assured, “JJ and I had fun, but I need to go give him a bath before Rian comes over and gets upset because I gave him a paint covered Son.”

“So, he breaks him and gets him sick,” Kodie teased, “What’s a little paint?” She reached up and cupped my face, “Talk to me, Jack,”

“I will,” I whispered, “As soon as your Son is clean.”

She nodded a little bit then kissed my lips lightly before dropping her hands to her sides, “I’ll just put the paint up,” She insisted.

I nodded then walked away and into the bathroom to see that JJ wasn’t in the tub, in fact, he wasn’t even in the Bathroom, “Justin Jon!?” I called out.

“What!?” He laughed from what sounded like his bedroom.

“Get your butt back in here, now!” I ordered as I turned on the water, adjusted the temperature, then pushed the stop down before adding the bubble bath, “Hurry!” I ordered, “Your Dad will be here soon, you’re going to your Grandparents for dinner and you need to look clean.” I laughed.

JJ walked in and sighed as he walked by me and climbed into the tub before he sat down and looked at me with wide green eyes, “Nana and Papa?” He wondered, speaking of Kodie’s parents.

“No,” I shook my head, “Grandma and Pops.”

He made a face, “No!” He shook his head before he tried to climbed out of the tub but I kept him in.

“Yes, you have to go see them no matter how much you don’t want to.”

“They don’t like me,” He muttered as he flopped back down into what little water was in the tub.

I made a sad face then grabbed his wash clothe before gently scrubbing the paint off of his face, “It’s not that they don’t like you,” I assured, knowing that Rian’s parents, even after almost five years, haven't completely accepted that JJ happened, he’s here to stay and he’s their Son’s Son, “It’s just they don’t understand,” I insisted.

JJ made a face but said nothing as he sat there, letting me scrub the dried paint off of his face. Before I knew it, the bath was over and JJ was dressed nicely and was picked up by Rian, leaving me alone with Kodie whom I’ve been avoiding.

“What do you want to do for dinner, Babe?” Kodie wondered as she came down the hall, wearing her PJ shorts and a tank top, “I’m starving, everything at the restaurant that Lauren picked made me gag,” She admitted, “And the worse thing is, is that used to be one of my favorite places.”

“You’re pregnant,” I pointed out simply as I flopped down onto the couch and lifted my bare feet up onto the edge of the coffee table, “I don’t care what we have for dinner, Babe,” I assured while I stared over at the TV which is currently powered off, “Whatever you want sounds fine to me, I’m not the pregnant, picky eater” I smiled over at her.

Walking over to me, she sat down on my lap, facing me while she studied me with knowing eyes, “Something is eating you alive, Barakat, I’ll withhold all sexual activities if you don’t tell me what’s wrong and I know you don’t want that because we didn’t get to have sex last night ‘cause JJ had that nightmare and slept on our floor with his sleeping bag.”

“I have something to tell you, someone stopped by while you were gone.”

“Who?” She wondered.

I looked down at her baby bump and lightly placed my hands on her, rubbing slowly, “Claire,” I whispered.

Kodie’s body tensed up before she started to speak harshly, “How in the hell does she know where we live!?” She growled, “If Rian told her, I’m going to shoot him.”

“Your Dad,” I mumbled, “He told her.”

“What the fuck was he thinking!?”

“Kodie, your birth Mother is in the hospital and apparently isn’t going to make it.” I informed her, “I have no idea why she’s there or anything like that but Claire was wondering if you’d go down to the hospital, say good bye.”

“No,” Kodie shook her head as she climbed off of me and walked away, out of the living room.

“I knew you’d say that,” I said, not moving from my spot on the couch, “You should at least talk to Claire,” I suggested, “I mean, put yourself in her shoes, you’re the only family she has left.”

Kodie reappeared and glared over at me, “Put myself in her shoes?” She growled, “Why!?” She shook her head, “She hasn’t put herself in mine!”

I shrugged but said nothing.

“Call me cold hearted, call me what you want but I’m not going to the hospital and I highly doubt that I’ll talk to Claire.” She informed me, “I have a family, a very loving family, those people are strangers to me and she just expects me to let her in my life!?” She wailed.

“You need to calm down just a little bit,” I whispered cautiously, knowing she hates to be told to calm down, “You’re probably freaking out Son out.” I insisted, pointing to her belly.

Kodie looked down at her belly then back up at me, “No,” She whispered softly, “I’m finally in a good spot in my life and I’m not going to let Claire ruin it.”

“Ok,” I agreed.

“Ok,” She repeated then she went back into the kitchen, “Now, what’s for dinner?” She questioned, changing the subject completely.

Making a face, I didn’t answer her, I just stayed quiet knowing that even though Kodie said no, it’s tearing her up inside. She honestly isn't a cold hearted person, she really isn't and I think some part of her really wants to be there for Claire as she loses her Mother. No matter how much pain she went through as a little girl, she knows that her birth Mother and Claire didn’t cause what happened, she knows in her heart that they had nothing to do with what her biological Father did that night but she also needs someone to blame and they’re easy targets.

I just hope that this doesn’t break her decent emotional state. The last thing she needs right now is to slip back into her depression, it wouldn’t be good for any of us, especially out unborn Son.