Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

“I’m definitely going to miss this,” Kodie whispered to me softly.

“What? Sitting on the roof when it’s fucking freezing or staying up all night to watch the sun wake up on the roof when it’s fucking freezing?” I teased.

Kodie gave me a cute look before she looked back over at the sun, “All of it,” She inhaled deeply, “Maryland in general I suppose.”

“Then why move?” I questioned.

“Jack, we both know that I need to getaway, even if I do end up back here I need to leave just live.”

I nodded slowly but said nothing more on the subject of her leaving Maryland because with all honesty, I’m not sure I’m going to handle it calmly. Granted, I’m never home but knowing that Kodie won’t be here when I get back is something I never thought would happen and now that it is happening, it’s happening so quickly that I can’t grasp it.

Shyly, Kodie linked her arm with mine before laying her head upon my shoulder. Taken aback by her movements, I only hesitated momentarily before pressing my lips to the top of her head, kissing her lightly then resting my head against hers.

“I remember that time I was in that really shitty foster home when we were in fourth grade, and I came to school one morning in tears---“

“That was the morning I found out how ‘different’ you really were.” I cut her off, not letting her finish, “You tried to hide your bruises but it didn’t work, I saw them and didn’t understand it, then our teacher saw it and you were absent for two weeks.”

“Then in seventh grade I snuck into your bedroom because I had a nightmare.”

I smiled softly, “I swear, all of Maryland was out looking for you the next morning.” I paused, “We got into so much shit.”

“Then freshman year, we wanted to grow up faster than we were, we had sex then I cried for a good two hours afterwards.”

“I thought you hated me.” I admitted.

“That wasn’t a good time in my life,” Kodie whispered.

“I know.” I kissed her forehead gently.

“You’ve never given up on me, why?” Kodie questioned, “I’ve treated you like shit, I’ve been such a bitch. Looking back on it, I should’ve never told you not to love me, I should’ve never been so childish. You’ve been the only constant in my life since I was five.”

“Not the only constant, you’ve got a family now.” I pointed out.

Kodie lifted her head and looked at me, “I know, but you’re the only friend that has stuck by me this entire time, you never left me alone.”

“The little boy in me won’t let me and my current self doesn’t want to leave you.”

Kodie shifted, “That little boy grew up to be the only man I’ve ever loved.”

“That isn’t family.” I pointed out.

“Right,” Kodie agreed then she reached over, pushing some of my hair to the side, “I’m not staying Jack, nothing that you say will get me to stay.”

“I’m not trying to make you stay.” I pointed out.

“Last nights dinner was amazing, thank you for it.”

“You’re welcome.”

“If you’re ever in California’s bay area, call me.” She insisted.

After she said that, I frowned deeply before leaning over to her and pressing my lips to hers without any warning for her or for me to be honest. It’s like my lips just got a mind of their own and did what they wanted to. After the kiss, I pulled away but didn’t apologize, I just stared at her waiting for her reaction.

Staring back at me, Kodie seemed calm and level headed about the kiss. Without a word spoken between us, she leaned back in and touched her lips to mine once again. This time the kiss was welcoming and passionate while everything around me just seemed to freeze, stopping time in its tracks. Suddenly we were just a couple of love struck kids again, taking advantage of the moment, I just hope that when whatever this is, is done Kodie wont regret it.

*********************

Sitting on the end of my bed, dressed in my PJ’s, I stared down at my bedroom floor while I thought. The events that happened in the early morning hours after the sun was barely up were unforgettable and completely mind blowing. Pushing some of my stray hair aside, I inhaled deeply before exhaling it slowly.

Slowly, my bedroom door opened and I was expecting to see a pair of green eyes that belong to JJ but I didn’t, instead I saw a pair of curious brown eyes that belong to Trent. Once he saw that I was alone and awake, the door pushed open all the way as he stepped in to my room. Shutting the door behind himself, he forced a small smile before pulling out my desk chair and sitting down.

“So, you’ve been up here all day.” He pointed out the obvious.

“I had a long night.” I informed him.

“I saw Jack leaving around ten thirty, did he spend the night?”

“Yes,” I answered, “We laid out on the roof watching the stars.”

Trent nodded his head a bit before he lowered his head, “About yesterday,”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I grumbled as my rather happy mood turned into a depressed mood almost instantly.

“I know you don’t want to, but I think you should.” He nodded his head, “We’re all worried about you, Kodie.”

“My sister found me, what’s there to worry about?”

“A lot.” Trent pointed out, “She wont give up, Kodie. She knows your last name now since you’ve changed it to Cryer, she knows where we live…”

“She doesn’t know that I’m moving,” I cut him off.
“I don’t think it’ll be that hard to figure out, Kodie.” He licked his lips, “We’re here for you.” He assured me, “I may not have grown up with you, and you may not be blood related but you might as well be. You’re my sister, you’re a part of this family and no one is going to change that.”

“Dad told me already.”

“Well, you need to hear it again.” He frowned at me then he softened his expression, “Don’t shut us out, ok?”

“I would never,” I looked over at him, “I’m not like that.”

“No, but you were and yesterday I saw the look on your face, it was the same look you had when Mom and Dad made you their foster child. Back when you were so guarded and wouldn’t let anyone in besides Barakat. It scared me, it scared all of us.”

“I’m ok.” I assured him, “She she comes by again, I’ll tell her to leave.”

“Maybe,” Trent started, “You should talk to her.”

“Why?”

“She is your sister and maybe … maybe she didn’t know what was going on, maybe she had no choice, you know?”

“Jack said the same thing but I don’t believe it. I really don’t believe it, Trent. I want nothing to do with my past life, I’ve come so far now, why would I want to go back and relive those moments by talking to my sister?” I questioned, “I have family now.” I forced a smile, “They love me whether or not I’m broken or complicated, they would never turn their backs on me when I need them most, I know that for a fact because when I was having JJ, you guys could’ve just sent me back.”

Trent laughed as he got to his feet and walked over to me, “You make it sound like you’re some sort of Christmas gift no one wanted,”

“You’ll never know the feeling being given back because people don’t want you.” I pointed out.

He tugged me to my feet and hugged me, “And you’ll never have to feel that again,” he kissed my temple, “I love you.”

“I love you , too.” I mumbled back.

He let out a soft sigh as he pulled away, “It’s almost dinner time, are you going to come down for some food?”

“Yeah,” I insisted.

“Good, Mom is getting worried.” He started towards the door then shot me a playful glance, “I hope you made him use protection, the last thing we need around here is a little Barakat running around.” He teased with a hearty laugh before running out of my room before I had the chance to throw anything in his direction.

“Trent!” I screamed, “You asshole!” I added but it only earned another laugh from him as he ran down the stairs.

Shaking my head to myself, I flopped back down onto my bed and laid back. Staring up at the ceiling, I wrinkled my nose knowing that I was going to miss this place when I left and ultimately I would become homesick sooner or later.

Reaching over to my nightstand, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Jack’s number before placing the phone to my ear. After only two rings, Jack picked up, greeting me happily, “Kodie.”

“Hey,” I replied.

“You’re up,”

“I haven’t slept.”

“Me either … so what’s up?”

I bit my lip then closed my eyes as I spoke to him softly, “I love you,”

Jack was silent on the other end for a mere second, “I know,” He replied, “I love you too.”

Letting a smile form on my lips, I felt like the weight of the world was lifted up off of my shoulders and suddenly Jack once again has made everything ok.

“But this doesn’t mean you’re staying does it?”

“No,” I agreed softly, “But it does mean that I love you.”

He laughed cutely, “Does it mean that you’re willing to give us a second chance?” He questioned hopefully.

I thought about it for a moment, “I don’t know, do you think we can handle the distance?”

“I’m going to be gone touring most of the time,” He pointed out, “We would have to deal with the distance even if you stay.” He paused for a second, “I think we can handle it.”

I smiled more than I had been, “Have you seen Rian today?”

“Yeah.”

“JJ too?”

“Yeah, they’re finally getting along. I went over there before I came home and the two of them were finger painting footballs.”

I laughed, “That boy and his football, it’s unbelievable.” I rolled my eyes a little, “So, it’s safe to say I won’t see my son today.”

“Pretty much, yeah. I don’t know what got into JJ but he’s warmed up to Rian.”

“He just needed a little bit of time, that’s all.” I assured then I sat up, “Listen, I just called to tell you that I love you.”

“You haven’t answered me yet.” Jack pointed out, “Will you be my girlfriend again?”

“Yes,” I answered without much hesitation, “I will, but I have to go and eat , I haven’t had a thing all day. I’ll call you in a bit, maybe we can go do something.”

“Alright, sounds like a deal.” Jack agreed, “Go eat.”

“Ok, love you.”
“I love you,” He replied, “Bye.”

“Bye.” I mocked then I hung up, placing my cell phone back onto my nightstand after I ended the call.

Laying back down for a moment, I simply smiled to myself knowing that things couldn’t get much better than they are now. Five years ago I would’ve never thought I would be living this life even though I dreamt about it every night. I’m just glad that things are finally starting to go my way for the first time in my life.