Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

“Do you think it’s wrong of me?” Kodie whispered softly as she inhaled deeply.

I shook my head while continuing to play with her hair, “No, we’re never home any home anyways, Jessica is just … stuck in the past.” I assured my girlfriend, “You have to do what’s best for JJ and sending him out here for an entire summer to live with Jessica and Rian would be wrong, he wouldn’t be happy. He’d be fine as long as Rian was home but that’ll happen maybe a weekend out of the summer, then when he left, JJ wouldn’t know what to do.”

“But Rian is his Father,” She went on, doubting herself, “If he wants to take JJ for a summer, who am I to stop him?”

Gently kissing Kodie’s temple, I just shook my head once more, “Babe, stop.” I ordered, “Jessica just got out of hand, Rian would never force you to let JJ stay with him, like I said Jessica is stuck in the past.”

Pushing away from me, Kodie climbed out from between my legs and to the end of her bed before turning to face me, “She doesn’t think that JJ was conceived while they were together, does she?”

I frowned, “No, but she’s jealous, she thinks there’s something else there between you and Rian besides friendship and parenthood.”

“And what about you, do you think that too?” She wondered.

“No,” I paused for a moment, “I know why you did what you did, I know why you got drunk that night and had sex with one of my best friends and it wasn’t because you had feelings for him, you were trying to piss me off.”

Kodie blushed deeply, “Most boys wouldn’t think like that and if they did, they wouldn’t be so calm.”

“Most boys don’t have you for a girlfriend.” I pointed out before sitting up a little bit. Grabbing the pillow that was next to me, I shrugged as I tossed it around, “Don’t put a lot of thought into this, California is what you want and honestly, I think it’s what you need. Get away for awhile, who knows, maybe it’ll be home.”

“And you?” She whispered.

I lifted my eyes to hers and smiled, “What about me?”

“What if California is home for me, what’ll happen with you?”

“Well, I’d like to think I’d be welcome, but if I’m not…”

“Don’t be silly,” Kodie crawled back to me and kissed my lips, “You’re always welcome and California won’t be home. Home is where the heart is and my heart is with JJ and you, and my family. As long as I have those three things in my life, I could care less where I actually live.”

I ran my hands through her hair and smiled, “I like this version of you,” I informed her, “There was nothing wrong with the old you but now … I can’t explain it, it’s like our relationship is an actual relationship whereas last time it felt like one huge fight.”

“I know,” Kodie nodded, agreeing with me, “I’ve changed.”

“For the better,” I assured.

She nodded once more and kissed me again then sat back down between my legs with her back pressed up against my chest, “You leave the day after Christmas,” She reminded me, “When you get back, I’ll be gone.”

Wrapping my arms around her tightly, I rested my head against hers lightly, “I’ll only be back for five days before I start the tour, and those five days will be spent at band rehearsal, you won’t be missing much.”

“I want to do it again,” Kodie said after a moment of silence.

“Do what again?” I frowned.

“Pregnancy,” She answered slowly, “I feel robbed of the experience, I had an uneventful, healthy, text book pregnancy with JJ and I didn’t enjoy it because of my depression, I wish I would’ve enjoyed it, I wish I would’ve embraced it and I wish I would’ve proudly showed off my baby bump, but I didn’t, I hid the majority of the time, hardly ever leaving the house. Something that amazing, creating life like that should be celebrated and JJ’s pregnancy wasn’t, I hate to admit it but most of the time I hated it, I was angry.”

Making a sad face, I kissed her temple once again, “The next one will be perfect, promise.”

Kodie giggled cutely, “How can you promise that, Barakat?” She challenged.

I smirked, “Because, hopefully I’ll be the one to knock you up, and I won’t let you mope around.”

“I can just picture it, a little Jack running around.” She laughed some more before turning her head around just enough to look at me, “Seriously, you want kids?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I want a Wife, kids, a decent house, a car that doesn’t belong to my Mother.”

“Jack Barakat, the family man.”

Caressing her face slowly, I just nodded, “I want that stuff with you,” I assured her.

“I know, I’ve always known.” She kissed my lips lovingly, making the kiss as passionate as she possibly could. After a few moments, she pulled away before getting up off of her bed, “It’s late, you should go.”

“You kiss me like that, then kick me out?” I gasped playfully.

“I wasn’t the one who came over and said that I had to leave before eleven,” She pointed out then looked over at her clock, “It’s a minute passed.”

I glanced over at it then frowned before I stood to my feet, “I promised Alex I’d go to a party with him, I’d ask you to go but I know you don’t want to.”

“What kind of party?”

Yawning tiredly, I shrugged with a small smile, “Just a Christmas party that one of his cousin’s is throwing, there isn’t any booze or anything, just a get together I suppose.”

“At eleven?”

“Yeah, it’s not our party, it’s his cousin’s, don’t ask me about the weird time.” I lazily shoved my feet into my Nike’s then took Kodie into my arms, “Can I come back after the party?” I asked in a low whisper.

“Depends,” She mumbled back, “How long will you be gone?”

“One thirty at the latest, I’m not in a real big partying mood, but I promised.”

“I’ll keep the front door unlocked, just remember to lock it when you come in, deal?”

“Deal,” I agreed then leaned down, kissing her lightly, “Love you.”

“Love you,” She mocked before resting her head against my shoulder and tightening her arms around my body, hugging me tightly. I returned the embrace for a good minute before letting her go, kissing her forehead as I did so, “I’ll see you later,” I assured while walking to her closed bedroom door.

“Try to get away earlier if you can,” She mumbled while sitting back down on her bed, “I’ll make it worth your while.”

I gave her a playful grin, “Really now?”

Kodie simply nodded innocently but said nothing before waving to me. I waved back then shut her bedroom door and made my way out of the house unnoticed by her half asleep brothers in the living room. I really hope I can get away from this party as soon as possible because it honestly is the last thing I want to be doing tonight.