Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

With a stupid grin plastered to my face and holding Kodie’s hand tightly in mine, we walked out of the Baltimore County courthouse with a couple of left hand rings gracing our proper fingers. The first thing out of Kodie’s mouth this morning when we woke up was ‘Let’s get Married today’ I couldn’t say no. So, we got showered and dressed, stopped by the jewelry store for a couple of Wedding bands and made our way to the courthouse.

No one knows, it was a ‘in the moment’ type of thing. Though, when we tell everyone I’m sure they’re going to want us to have a small ceremony sooner or later for their own enjoyment, which is fine by me, I’d love nothing more to see Kodie in a Wedding dress, even if she already has my last name.

“Do you really have to go?” Kodie questioned me, “Can’t someone else play guitar? Alex does a good enough job, doesn’t he?” She went on then gave me a sad look that made my smile falter.

“I really have to go,” I answered as I unlocked the passenger side door to my Mother’s car that I drive every time I’m in town, “But instead of coming home after the few show dates, I’ll fly over to California, deal?”

“Deal,” Kodie agreed as she got into the car. I leaned in and kissed my lips lovingly before pulling away from her, shutting the door as I did so.

Once I was in the car and we were on our way back to Kodie’s house, Kodie kept letting out exaggerated sighs but didn’t speak a single word. Looking over at my new Wife with a frown, I knew why she kept sighing, she had something on her mind, something rather big and probably life changing but from my experience nothing good ever came from this.

Finally, I let out my own sigh and nodded to myself, “What’s on your mind, Babe?” I questioned.

“Oh, nothing.” Kodie said simply.

I frowned, “Kodie, I know better than that.”

“I was just thinking,” She started, “When you’re not out on the road, are you going to live in California or Maryland?”

Biting down on my lip, I knew the answer that I wanted to say to that question but I don’t have the heart to tell her that I honestly don’t want to move out of Maryland, “Wherever you and JJ are,” I insisted with a smile.

Kodie stared at me intensely then she quickly turned her head away from me and looked out of her window, “You’re lying, Barakat.”

“Well,” Was all I could manage to say.

“Well,” Kodie mocked, “Don’t lie to me, we haven’t even been married twenty minutes.”

“I love Maryland, Babe, but I will move to California if that’s where you want to live.”

She looked back over at me and wrinkled her nose before she looked out over the road, “Stop tailgating,” She ordered.

“I’m not,” I defended, hating that she’s the biggest backseat driver I know besides my Mother, “Stop changing the subject.”

“How long will you be on tour?”

“Awhile,” I answered, “I won’t be home a lot this next year, maybe a few weeks in the summer but that’s it.”

“Well, how about I move to California as planned, just for a year or so, maybe a bit longer, since you’re never home anyway. When you are home, instead of you flying out to see me, I’ll come over here and see you when I can.”

“Let’s just take it one day at a time, ok?” I suggested, “Just do what you were going to do, and we’ll adapt.” I assured as I reached over and rubbed her thigh, “Trust me, I won’t let any longer than a month pass by without us seeing each other, promise. I’ll fly you out to see me while on tour or I’ll fly out to see you, we’ll make it work.”

“I trust you,” Kodie whispered quietly, “Always have and always will.” She added then she fell silent.

I glanced over at her, smiling gently, “C’mere,” I ordered as I grabbed her hand, tugging it towards me.

“What?” Kodie asked, “You need to be driving,” She insisted, laughing cutely.

“Kiss me,” I ordered.

Without another word, Kodie leaned over the console and pressed her warm lips to my cheek then again on the corner of my lips. I smiled more than I had been while I glanced at her again then kissed her lips quickly before looking back at the road, “I love you,”

“I love you,” Kodie mocked as she sat back in the seat properly, “Don’t let those little groupies get the best of you, deal?”

I snorted, “We haven’t talked in the last four years, if I didn’t let them get the best of me then, what makes you think I’d start now, now that I’ve got you back and married to me?”

“I don’t know but it’s still a fear, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.”

“Well, then in that case, don’t let those Cali boys get the best of you.” I challenged.

“Don’t worry about it,” She assured coolly, “None of them could handle me.”

“You got that right,” I agreed with a laughed then once again things fell into a comfortable silence as we took in each other’s company while we still could and letting the fact that we are finally married, sink in.

--------------------------

“But why?” JJ whined as he hugged onto Rian’s neck tightly, “No, Daddy.”

Rian made the saddest face I have ever seen him have as he held onto our little boy tightly, “I’ll see you in a few weeks, I promise. I’m going to go to California to see you, and we’ll hang out, go do a bunch of guy stuff together, ok?”

JJ sighed sadly as he nodded but didn’t answer vocally. With my own sad look gracing my face, I turned my eyes from JJ and Rian to Jack who was loading his bags into the back of the van while Alex yelled something at him from the trailer, “Fucking hell!” Jack snapped back at Alex, “Then put your fucking bags up here and stop complaining!” My Husband growled as he snatched his bags out of the van and walked around to the back of the trailer before he disappeared within it.

“I’ll call you every day.” Rian assured, pulling my attention back to the two of them.

“Promise?” JJ muttered.

“Promise.” Rian confirmed then smiled, “Ok, give me a kiss and a big hug, I got to get going.”

JJ listened to his Dad, hugging and kissing him before Rian placed him down onto his feet. Rian turned his attention to me and smiled, “Congrats, Mrs. Barakat.” He teased playfully before hugging me.

I laughed as I hugged him back.

“I wouldn’t want any other man with you,” Rian assured as he backed away and glanced over at my Husband, “You’re good for him and he’s what you need, without each other, you two are complete messes.”

“Tell me about it,” I forced a smile, “Be safe, I need my boys’ Dad to come home alive, and keep an eye on that Husband of mine.”

“I will,” Rian smiled his gorgeous smile that he gave to our son before leaning down, kissing JJ once more before turning his attention to van. Jack walked over, sweeping JJ off of his feet as he reached off, “Protect your Mom for me,” He ordered.

“I will,” JJ nodded while hugging his small arms around his Step-Father’s neck.

Jack kissed his forehead lightly then carefully placed him on the ground. Wrapping his arms around me almost instantly, Jack buried his face down into my neck, “I’ll call later tonight,” He mumbled before I felt his lips on my neck, kissing me lovingly letting his tongue tease my flesh before gently nipping me.

I hugged him tighter, knowing I’d miss that while we’re apart, I’d miss everything about this lanky, brown eyed boy with a heart of gold. Lifting his head, he stared down into my eyes. Lifting a hand, he caressed my cheek, wiping a stray tear away while he did so, “Remember, you belong now,” He forced a weak smile, “Just because your sister is trying to stir shit up, doesn’t mean you need to push your family out of your life.”

“I know,” I assured.

“And don’t forget about your in-laws.” He smirked, “My Mom made it very clear for me to tell you that she expects a weekly phone call at the very least.”

“Ok,” I nodded.

“Ok,” He mocked then leaned down, pressing his lips to mine. We shared an intimate kiss for a few long minutes, Jack was the first to pull away leaving my lips lonely, “I love you,”

“I love you.” I mocked then he let me go and looked down at JJ, “Hey buddy,”

JJ looked up Jack with wide eyes, “Be good,” He ordered smiled, “I love you.”

“Love you more.” JJ assured before hugging onto Jack’s leg tightly.

“Hey, little man!” Alex wailed, “Get your football loving butt over here and give me a hug!” Alex laughed.

JJ giggled and let Jack go before running to Alex. They shared a hug and exchanged some playful banter before Alex instructed the preschooler to kick butt in California and that he’d see him soon.

Before I knew it, JJ was in my arms as we watched the white van with a matching white trailer drive off down the road. Wiping away some of my tears with my hand, I shook my head a little. JJ looked at me with worried eyes, “Do you need a band-aid?” he asked me innocently.

I smiled through my tears, “No, baby, I don’t need a band-aid.” I assured him, “I’m just going to miss Jack and your Dad a lot.” I insisted.

“What about Uncle Zack and Uncle Alex?”

“Them too.” I added.

“Ok,” JJ kissed my cheek and smiled, “Can we go home now?” He wondered, “Papa’s gonna take me to the store.”

“Ok,” I laughed and walked over to my car, “Let’s go.” I glanced up at Rian’s apartment complex before I put JJ in the car. This is going to be the longest couple of weeks of my life, I didn’t think it was possible for me to miss another human being as much as I already miss Jack. I can’t wait until I’m back in his arms once again.