Everything I Do Is Empty Without You

“That’s bullshit, Kayla!” Joel yelled at his Girlfriend harshly as he slammed something around in the kitchen of his four bedroom house that I now live in, “Just because you’re ready to move back in doesn’t mean shit, my Sister and Nephew are living here now, you can’t be playing these fucking high school games anymore!”

“Don’t raise your voice to me, Joel!” Kayla snapped back with just as much anger, “I am not making a big deal about Kodie or JJ being here, I just think …” She trailed off not finishing what she was about to say.

“Think what?” Joel wondered then it was silent, “Think what!?” He screamed.

“I think your whole God Damn family baby’s her way too much!” She shouted back, “For fuck’s sake, she isn’t a child!”

“Get out,” Joel demanded, “Get out of my house and don’t you dare come back.” He went on, “You have no fucking idea, she’s nineteen, Kayla. Nineteen years old with a four year old son and a legit career, what do you have?” He questioned, “Oh, you’re a single twenty four year old woman, with no career just a dead end job at Starbucks, you dropped out of college because you couldn’t take the pressure, now you’ve just lost your boyfriend, good for you, have a great fucking life and stay the hell out of mine.”

Seconds later, I heard the front door slam shut making me jump slightly. Carefully standing to my feet, I left the comfort of my new room and walked down the hall and into the living room to see Joel standing by the door. In one swift motion, he reached over and pushed the framed picture of himself and Kayla off of the inn table, letting it shatter all over the floor, “Fuck!” He screamed then I caught his eye and suddenly the wild eyed, angry Joel was back to his soft spoken, go with the flow Joel but only with a touch of anger and confusion in his eyes, “Sorry,” He apologized.

“Don’t be, I should be.” I whispered, “If JJ and I weren’t here, this would’ve never happened.”

“I know and that’s the scary thought,” He shook his head, then dragged his left hand down over his face, “This has nothing to do with you or JJ, she just used it as an excuse to start the fight, this has been a long time coming.” He shrugged his shoulders, “Trust me, the relationship should’ve ended months, even years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He forced a smile then walked over to me, pressing his lips to my forehead, “It isn’t your fault,” He assured me, “I’m gonna go get the broom and clean that up before Trent gets back with JJ, I don’t want the little dude getting glass in his foot.” He said simply before walking away.

Looking down at the picture with the shattered glass all over it, I felt horrible because I know that even those this was a ‘long time coming’ it still hurts Joel. Kayla was his Girlfriend, to some extent he must’ve loved her or cared for her otherwise he wouldn’t have stuck around and dealt with all their problems that were piling up.

Casually, the front door opened and I heard JJ’s playfully giggles along with Trent’s hearty and extremely contagious laugh as they walked in.

“Careful, there’s glass on the floor.” I announced as I pointed down to it.

Without a second though, Trent scooped my Son up in his strong arms and eyed the front room intently, “What happened here?”

“Um,” I started.

“I broke up with Kayla,” Joel finished for me as he walked into the living room with the broom.

Trent raised his eyebrows as he looked at his twenty five year old brother then he adjusted JJ in his arms, “’Bout time,” He mumbled then he looked at the little boy, “C’mon, let’s go get you in the bath before your Mom gets mad at me for being so dirty.”

“Ok,” JJ giggled more then he looked over at me with bright green eyes and a look that mirrored Rian’s ‘up to no good’ look, “I got a booboo.” He informed me.

“What?” I frowned, “How?” I questioned, “Trent, did you break my Son?”

“I didn’t break him,” Trent sighed, “Just banged him up a bit,” He laughed, “He’s fine, it wasn’t anything a couple of band-aids and a few feel better kisses couldn’t fix.” He paused, “It was football, Kodie, he was bound to get knocked up. Plus, it took some time for my friends to adjust to having such a small player on our team.” He chuckled.

“I’m on the team, mama!” JJ said happily, looking at me with a nod, “Yeah and Kyle said I could be Quarterback next time!”

“Oh, that’s nice of Kyle, whoever he is.”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Kyle’s a buddy of mine, he has a kid himself but only his kid is a girl,” Trent smiled, “The same age a JJ, well, she’s turning five next week, JJ was invited to the party.”

“Great, then you can take him, I have work.”

“I was planning on it,” Trent rolled his eyes then walked away, disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom with JJ.

I turned my attention back to Joel and saw that the glass was almost all cleaned up, “Kyle’s a decent guy,” Joel assured me, sensing that I was looking at him again, “His daughter is adorable too.”

Forcing a small smile, I nodded a little bit, “It’s good for JJ, he needs to meet new people out here.”

“Yeah,” Joel agreed then he looked at me, “Seriously, Kodie … this isn’t your fault, ok?”

“Alright,” I whispered, “Just feels like it.”

“It isn’t,” Joel said once more, “Trust me, would you?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, Thank you.” Joel then walked away, leaving me alone in the living room once more. I took a glance around then walked away down the hall and went into the bathroom to see JJ sitting in the tub full of warm water and bubbles with his leg propped up on the edge, out of the water while Trent carefully tried to take the band-aid off.

“No!” JJ snapped, “Let Mama do it!” He ordered.

“Move,” I demanded to my older brother.

He looked at me, “It’s still sore,” He informed me, “I don’t think I put it on right.”

I rolled my eyes and examined his work before shrugging my shoulders, “Baby, this is gonna hurt.” I told my Son.

“No,” He snapped, “Nana!?” He wailed, “Nana!?”

I made a sad face, “Nana isn’t here.”

“Papa!?”

“He isn’t either,”

He sighed sadly, “Daddy?” He whined.

“You’re out of luck, babe.” I smiled softly, “Just hold on a minute, let me get this off of you, don’t move.”

JJ sat really still and knowing that I would get nothing but screams and tears as a result, I simply tugged the band-aid off in one swift motion. Once it was completely off, JJ screamed bloody murder as he snatched his leg off the edge of the tub and hid it under the water and bubbles. Eyeing the band-aid I just took off, I wrinkled my nose, “Did you even clean his cut?” I asked.

“I did,” Trent assured.

“How big was the cut?” I went on, “That’s a lot of blood, Trent.”

“He’s fine though, he didn’t need to go to the hospital,” Trent assured, “One of the guys on the other team is a paramedic, he’s the guy I got the band-aid from, he said JJ was fine.”

“Justin Jon,” I said sternly, “You need to be more careful, ok?” I asked my son as I looked at him.

“Ok,” He whispered, “I want to go home now.”

“We are home, babe.” I insisted before standing to my feet and pointing to my Son, “You finish giving him a bath,” I told Trent.

“Ok,” He looked up at me, “You alright?”

“I’m fine, just tired.” I assured then I left the bathroom and went back into my room. Lying down on my bed, I closed my eyes tiredly before twisting my Wedding band around my finger slowly. I haven’t seen Jack since the day that we got married two weeks ago and there’s still at least one more week until I get to see him. I moved here a week ago and since then, things have been difficult, for me at least, JJ is having the time of his life.

I’m starting to wonder if moving here to California was such a good idea after all. I mean, I know I said I needed a change, but that was before Jack was back in my life, that was before I decided that Maryland isn’t such a bad place after all. I know I said I’d love nothing more to just get away from that place but truth is, I miss my parents, I miss Jordan, I miss the familiar landscape and I miss not getting lost every time that I leave the house.

Opening my eyes slowly, I reached over to my phone and dialed Jack’s number, then waiting patiently as it rang. After four rings the ringing stopped and I heard Jack’s playful voice, “Hey babe,” he greeted, sounding rather Sober.

“Hey,” I mocked, “You’re not drunk,” I pointed out the obvious.

“No, I’m driving tonight.” He laughed, “What’s up? You ok?”

“Yeah,” I lied then frowned, “No,” I admitted.

“Oh,” He said softly, “What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” I answered, “I’m not sure if I like California too much.”

“Give it some time, I always love California when I’m there.”

“You always go to LA, I’m not in LA, I’m in the Bay.”

“I know, Mountain View.”

“Is it too late to go home?” I whispered.

“No, it’s never too late to do anything.” Jack assured me, “But when you’re home in Maryland, will you be missing California?”

I thought about it for a second then shrugged to myself, “I don’t know.”

“I think you should tough it out, once you get used to it there, it won’t be so bad. You may not want to go home, at all.”

I laughed at that statement, “Hardly, I’ll go home sooner or later, the only way I won’t go home is if everyone I loved moved out here with me.”

“You know what, I bet all you have to do is just ask and everyone would.”

“I know, but I wouldn’t do that.” I assured then I laid down, “I miss you.”

“I’ll see you soon,” Jack insisted, “Just a few more days, and I miss you too.” He paused, “A lot.” He added.

“I believe it.” I smiled then I glanced towards my closed bedroom door, “Joel just broke up with Kayla, literally like ten minutes ago.”

“Oh?”

“They had a huge fight, and I think it was all because of me. I feel really responsible for everything.”

“Don’t.” Jack demanded.

“Well, it had something to do with me. Joel said it was just an excuse for Kayla to start a fight, but I’m not sure I believe him.”

“Stop it, Kodie. Just stop, you need to stop thinking like that, if Joel said it was an excuse then it was, Joel wouldn’t lie to you, trust me. Trent would, Jordan would but not Joel, Joel couldn’t lie to a damn cow that’s about to get slaughtered.”

I nodded, agreeing with him, “I suppose you’re right, he does have a hard time lying.”

“Your parents were right, Kayla wasn’t the right girl for him.” Jack pointed out, “That’s life babe, don’t let it get you down.”

I frowned deeply, “What’s gotten in to you tonight?” I questioned, “Normally all you want to talk about is what color my panties are…”

“Well, you sounded down, I figured I’d actually talk to you tonight.” He laughed, “and since you brought it up, what color are your panties?”

I laughed, “What panties?” I teased.

“Don’t lie to me like that, you’re not walking around there with no panties on, I know better.”

“Do you?” I went on then I let out another laugh, “White,” I answered simply, “Just, white.”

“Eh,” Jack replied, “No fun.” He let out a tired sigh, “How’s JJ?”

“I don’t know, he seems happy but he asked me if we could go home.” I frowned, “I’m not sure he totally gets it. I think he thinks we’re just visiting.”

“He’ll get it soon.” Jack assured me, “In the meantime, just keep him happy.”

“I have been.”

“Good, listen … babe, I have to get going. I have to find the guys, and get on the road.”

“Alright, call me in the morning.” I demanded, “I love you.”

“Love you,” Jack replied, “And if you need to talk again, just call me, I’ll have my phone on.”

“Ok, drive safe.”

“I will, bye.”

“Bye,” I mumbled back then hung up. Placing my phone back onto my nightstand, I wrinkled my nose a little bit then pushed myself off of my bed. Leaving my room, I heard JJ’s laugh once again from the bathroom as I passed it by. Entering the living room, I saw that everything was now cleaned up and Joel was sitting on the couch watching the Fox News Channel with a frown upon his face, resembling our Father effortlessly.

Sensing that I was now in the room, Joel glanced over at me and smiled, “I laid out some take out menus on the counter in the kitchen, I figured I’d let you pick then we’d make Trent pay.”

I smiled, “Sounds like a plan.” I confirmed as I started to walk towards the kitchen, “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?” I asked my brother as I glanced back at him.

“Never,” He answered, staring straight into my eyes before smiling, “The break up had nothing to do with you at all, Kodie. I swear on everything Holy that you had nothing to do with it. We were fighting long before we flew back home for Christmas.”

“Ok,” I whispered then I continued on into the kitchen, finding the stack of take out menus he had laying on the counter and by the looks of it, he eats out a lot.

As I sorted through them I felt better about everything, maybe I was just overreacting and this will be the best move of my life. I guess I’ll find out sooner or later.