Moments Between Sleep

"Two babies."

Alex's living room was packed full of bodies. Jack, Rian, and Zack all sat together on the couch, while his mother and father were on the loveseat. Alex stood in the middle of the floor to explain our current situation, while I stood back by the couch to nod when asked something.

It was a great feeling to be out of the hospital and back at the Gaskarth house, but in the same sense, I wish I hadn't come back. Now with the weight of having another child to think about, all I could focus on was the kind of life they would have. It wasn't fair for me to keep pretending that I didn't know Alex was having Lisa over for sex every night, and it wouldn't be fair for these kids to come into the world thinking they had both their parents, when really it was mommy and daddy plus one.

"Alex, I'm so happy for you," his mother spoke. "But.. we don't have enough room him for Adyen and two babies." Her face turned the sadest I'd ever seen it. "We'd have to turn your brothers room into a nursery."

Everyone grew deathly silent. To be honest, until this very moment, I didn't even know Alex had a brother. I always thought that the extra room was a junk room, or something. I always wondered why no one ever went inside.

Clearing his throat, Alex gave a nod of his head. "I know mom, that's why I've made plans. Ayden," he smiled at me. "I would be honored if you would go house shopping with me."

Everyone's face lit up, but mine didn't. He looked so happy standing there offering me the chance to have a real family with him, but how was I supposed to accept that. When I didn't speak, he continued.

"I was thinking two stories, one of those really nice houses, but close to mom so that if I started to tour again you would still have her, you know?"

"Alex, that's a wonderful idea!"

"Yeah," Jack followed Alex's mothers words. "So when we come home, I can love on my babies and eat great food!"

"What do you think, Ayden?"

Really, I wanted to put on a show for everyone and make them believe that I wanted this more than anything. I would love to pretend that Alex and I were on great terms, and we were both more than excited about the babies, but it felt wrong. I shook my head.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," I used my hands to motion to everyone. "But I just can't."

"Ayden." Alex stepped away from the middle of the floor and grabbed my arm to pull me away from the group. He put his head close to mine so I could hear him while he was speaking low. "I thought you'd be happy about this."

"Really? Funny, because I honestly believed you when you said you were happy about the baby."

"I am happy about the babies."

"How can you say that?"

"How can you say that I don't?"

"Because I can hear everything you say to Lisa at night!"

The room sat awe-struck. My voice had boomed across the room. Alex looked as if she'd just been slapped in the face. Those big brown eyes were seemingly lost. I knew I should have picked a better time to tell him. Away from all the people he loved the most, but they were going to find out one way or another.

"Ayden, I-" Alex let his mouth open, but no words followed. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry for telling how happy you are, how much you've changed? Or you're sorry for keeping me up at night telling Lisa all your doubts? Oh, wait, maybe it's her constant moaning that you're sorry for!"

Without warning, Rian stood from his seat. I watched him tap Jack on the arm so that he would rise with Zack to follow Rian out of the room. The three of them shot me sympathetic looks as they left. Alex's parents also stood from their seats, but they didn't leave the room.

"Alex, how could you?"

I didn't feel one ounce of sorry for Alex as he put his hands to his face. I knew the only reason he was upset was because he got caught. If I had kept my mouth closed, he would have kept pretending like nothing was going on. I could tell from the look in his parents eyes that they were going to have one of those family moments, where his dad would lecture him and his mom would do her best to point him in the right direction. I excused myself from the situation and made my way up the stairs to my bedroom.

I understood that being over four months pregnant, now carrying two children, and having just got out of a car accident; I couldn't handle any more stress. It was bad enough that I was barely gaining the right amount of weight for one child, but with everything piled on top, I was more than weighed down.

When I reached my room, I had also reached a major decision. It'd been over a week and a half, and I still hadn't unpacked my bags. I knew in my heart that this moment would come, and try as I might, I couldn't prevent it any longer. I tossed the bag on my bed, and packed up the extra things I'd left out. Once I finished with that, I sat on the edge of my bed and picked up the phone. My breath was caught in my throat as the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Ayden? Is that you? Oh my God. Where are you?"

"I'm sorry I left, mom. I was just so upset that you could treat me the way you did, and. I don't know."

"I don't understand you, Ayden. I was so mad at you when you left, you haven't called me in months. God only knows where you are. Forget about all the bad things we said. We'll sort it out later. Just tell me you're okay."

"Can I come home, mama?"

"Ayden." She went silent for a moment. I was almost certain she was going to say no. "This is your home. You know I will always be here when you need me."

"Meet me at the bus station around nine. I'll see you soon, mom."

Hanging up the phone, I tossed my bag over my shoulder. It was hard to talk to my mother. She was never a very nice person to me. I knew she never really wanted me. I suppose that everything she didn't give me was where the strength to take care of my kids came from.

I slid the silver credit card that rightfully belonged to Alex's mother off the nightstand and stuffed it into my pocket. Admittedly, I felt like a bad person, but I didn't have any other choice. I exhaled a deep breath and left the bedroom, slowly climbing down the stairs.

"Where's Alex?" I asked as I entered the living room to find his parents silently sitting on the couch. "I wanted to say bye."

"Ayden, honey, you can't leave." His mother stood. "We'll sort this out. Alex just went for a walk to clear his head."

"No, I should go. I talked to my mom. She wants me to come home. But being here has been one of the best experiences of my life. Thank you so much for having me."

I wanted to cry when I her arms wrap around my body. Saying I would miss her was an understatement. No one had ever been so kind to me before.

"You keep in touch, dear," she wiped a tear from her own eye. "Don't let Alex keep my grandchildren away from me. Please."

"I would never do that. I'll keep in touch. Maybe you could come down the week I'm supposed to go into labor. Bye Mrs. Gaskarth, Mr. Gaskarth."

"Bye Ayden."

I pulled myself away from Mrs. Gaskarth and slowly made my way to the front door. Stepping out of Alex's house was terribly heartbreaking, but I knew for my sake it would be better if I was gone.