Moments Between Sleep
Shooting Moons From the Sea Line;
Being back home was like being in a completely different world. I knew everyone here, and coming home with a baby-bump wasn't the best way to say 'I missed you.' When I met my mother at the bus station, the first thing she did was burst into tears. I couldn't tell if she was ashamed of me, or happy. Her hands instantly went to my stomach, and then she wrapped her arms around my body to hold me as I cried.
We finally sat down and talked about all of our problems. See, when I left, the last words my mother said to me were 'I hate you.' Those words cut through my sole like a switch-blade. It was rough and painful. We used to fight about everything. We'd even fight over something as small as a rock being turned on its side in the driveway. I was so angry at her because she always treated me like I was the worst person in the world. Even when we got along, she would always remind me that I had a bad attitude.
"I wasn't angry at you," she finally said when we were speaking. "I was mad at me."
Eventually, the conversatoin turned from our anger into my pregnancy. She told me some of her stories about being pregnant with me, and she told me that even though she tought I was too young to have a baby, that she would help me out as much as she could. She was even more confused when I told her that I was having some famous singers babies, but she laughed it off. I didn't tell her about the credit card, though. I knew my mother, and she's money-hungry.
I'd been home for the better part of two weeks now. My mom understood my stress when I explained my situation to her, so she did everything she could to make our house a stress-free enviornment. She was even concerned when I told her that I was barely gaining enough weight for one child. Since I'd been home, she'd been feeding me anything she could get her hands on. Already I'd gained ten pounds, so my belly had expanded large enough to show that I was most certainly pregnant with twins.
"I feel like this is all my fault," Missy sat beside me on the couch. We were watching the Tyra Show and commenting on everything we'd missed out on in each others lives. "You wouldn't have slept with the jerk if I wasn't being such a whore."
"You weren't being a whore," I snorted. "You were having fun."
"You didn't witness the things I did to those boys."
"Gross," I mumbled with a laugh. "It's okay, Missy. I'm not angry about it. I'm kind of excited."
"How much longer until you're due?"
"I'm about to go into my fifth month."
"Oh." She nodded. "Aren't you scared to do it alone?"
I couldn't find the words to answer Missy. Yes, I was terrified. I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have even tracked Alex down in the first place. I was crazy to think that he would be willing to raise a baby with me. He didn't even know who I was.
The bigger my bump got, and the closer I got to entering my fifth month, the more real everything came to me. How was I supposed to raise a baby here with my mother- much less two? She lived in a single-wide, and both of our bedrooms were being used. I could always give up my room for the babies, but the living room was so small I'd have no room for my things.
"I didn't mean to bring up anything bad. I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. I should probably go call Alex's mom, anyways. I'll be back."
Missy softly nodded her head as I darted through the house to my tiny bedroom. It was sad. Even though I was back where I felt comfortable with everyone, I still turned to Alex's mom for advice. The woman knew all the right things to say.
"Hello?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out other than a short stutter. In the two weeks I'd been calling his mother, not once had Alex answered the phone. Why did he have to pick up today?
"Ayden? Is that you?"
My mind and body were trying to force me to say hello, but my heart spoke before they could and I hung up the phone. I knew that it was a childish thing to do, but I wasn't at all ready to face him.
We finally sat down and talked about all of our problems. See, when I left, the last words my mother said to me were 'I hate you.' Those words cut through my sole like a switch-blade. It was rough and painful. We used to fight about everything. We'd even fight over something as small as a rock being turned on its side in the driveway. I was so angry at her because she always treated me like I was the worst person in the world. Even when we got along, she would always remind me that I had a bad attitude.
"I wasn't angry at you," she finally said when we were speaking. "I was mad at me."
Eventually, the conversatoin turned from our anger into my pregnancy. She told me some of her stories about being pregnant with me, and she told me that even though she tought I was too young to have a baby, that she would help me out as much as she could. She was even more confused when I told her that I was having some famous singers babies, but she laughed it off. I didn't tell her about the credit card, though. I knew my mother, and she's money-hungry.
I'd been home for the better part of two weeks now. My mom understood my stress when I explained my situation to her, so she did everything she could to make our house a stress-free enviornment. She was even concerned when I told her that I was barely gaining enough weight for one child. Since I'd been home, she'd been feeding me anything she could get her hands on. Already I'd gained ten pounds, so my belly had expanded large enough to show that I was most certainly pregnant with twins.
"I feel like this is all my fault," Missy sat beside me on the couch. We were watching the Tyra Show and commenting on everything we'd missed out on in each others lives. "You wouldn't have slept with the jerk if I wasn't being such a whore."
"You weren't being a whore," I snorted. "You were having fun."
"You didn't witness the things I did to those boys."
"Gross," I mumbled with a laugh. "It's okay, Missy. I'm not angry about it. I'm kind of excited."
"How much longer until you're due?"
"I'm about to go into my fifth month."
"Oh." She nodded. "Aren't you scared to do it alone?"
I couldn't find the words to answer Missy. Yes, I was terrified. I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have even tracked Alex down in the first place. I was crazy to think that he would be willing to raise a baby with me. He didn't even know who I was.
The bigger my bump got, and the closer I got to entering my fifth month, the more real everything came to me. How was I supposed to raise a baby here with my mother- much less two? She lived in a single-wide, and both of our bedrooms were being used. I could always give up my room for the babies, but the living room was so small I'd have no room for my things.
"I didn't mean to bring up anything bad. I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. I should probably go call Alex's mom, anyways. I'll be back."
Missy softly nodded her head as I darted through the house to my tiny bedroom. It was sad. Even though I was back where I felt comfortable with everyone, I still turned to Alex's mom for advice. The woman knew all the right things to say.
"Hello?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out other than a short stutter. In the two weeks I'd been calling his mother, not once had Alex answered the phone. Why did he have to pick up today?
"Ayden? Is that you?"
My mind and body were trying to force me to say hello, but my heart spoke before they could and I hung up the phone. I knew that it was a childish thing to do, but I wasn't at all ready to face him.
♠ ♠ ♠
Woo.