Status: Read Blog
Asylum
Thoughts
Frank POV
Alexia's words still run through my mind. She was right what will I do once I leave this place. If I do leave this place I can't reply on Gerard forever. He may have said he won't leave me that he'll always be here for me. But I know once he gets to leave this place, memories of me will have left his mind. His getting better each day, it's only time before he leaves.
I'm starting to wonder if I do won't to leave this place. I don't have a home to go too, my parents don't care for me anymore. They stop visiting once they realize I wasn't getting any better. No parents should give up on their child.
I won't be able to run to Gerard if there's a storm and the power goes out. I'll be alone. Was it worth getting better. Part of me still wanted to get better that I've come so far why throw it all away. But then again if the one I trust won't be there for me then why should I keep getting better.
"Can you tell me why you’re so lost in your thoughts," Alexia ask.
I almost forget I was talking with her today, but I couldn't help as thoughts filled up my mind.
"I'm starting to wonder if getting better is worth it anymore. Like you said I can't reply on Gerard forever, "I said while looking at her.
"I didn't mean it like that Frank. I just don't won’t you to rely on Gerard forever. It's good that you have someone to help you through this, I think it's wonderful. But if something would ever happen I want you to be able to do this on your own as well," She replied.
That made me feel somewhat better but still I knew what she really meant. I wouldn't be able to reply on him, he would be leaving some day. I would still be here having no one to turn too.
"Still though I can't rely on him. I'm either going to have to learn to do this on my own or just give up ,"I said.
After an hour of talking I finally left her office. I was deciding if I should go outside or not. I knew if I didn't Gerard would come looking for me, seeing as if every day after I talk to Carmen I come outside. But I was still thinking about everything, I didn't won't to tell him.
I slowly made my way towards the outside, as I went through the doors I turn off my thoughts or at least tried too. I didn't won't to worry Gerard about my stupid thoughts.
"So how was therapy, "He ask.
"Same as always. I don't see a change like I thought I would,"I replied.
"I do. You’re smiling more then you ever have. Your opening up more. I can see a big change,"He said while looking at me.
If he saw a change in me then maybe I was changing. But that still didn't help me thoughts.
Alexia's words still run through my mind. She was right what will I do once I leave this place. If I do leave this place I can't reply on Gerard forever. He may have said he won't leave me that he'll always be here for me. But I know once he gets to leave this place, memories of me will have left his mind. His getting better each day, it's only time before he leaves.
I'm starting to wonder if I do won't to leave this place. I don't have a home to go too, my parents don't care for me anymore. They stop visiting once they realize I wasn't getting any better. No parents should give up on their child.
I won't be able to run to Gerard if there's a storm and the power goes out. I'll be alone. Was it worth getting better. Part of me still wanted to get better that I've come so far why throw it all away. But then again if the one I trust won't be there for me then why should I keep getting better.
"Can you tell me why you’re so lost in your thoughts," Alexia ask.
I almost forget I was talking with her today, but I couldn't help as thoughts filled up my mind.
"I'm starting to wonder if getting better is worth it anymore. Like you said I can't reply on Gerard forever, "I said while looking at her.
"I didn't mean it like that Frank. I just don't won’t you to rely on Gerard forever. It's good that you have someone to help you through this, I think it's wonderful. But if something would ever happen I want you to be able to do this on your own as well," She replied.
That made me feel somewhat better but still I knew what she really meant. I wouldn't be able to reply on him, he would be leaving some day. I would still be here having no one to turn too.
"Still though I can't rely on him. I'm either going to have to learn to do this on my own or just give up ,"I said.
After an hour of talking I finally left her office. I was deciding if I should go outside or not. I knew if I didn't Gerard would come looking for me, seeing as if every day after I talk to Carmen I come outside. But I was still thinking about everything, I didn't won't to tell him.
I slowly made my way towards the outside, as I went through the doors I turn off my thoughts or at least tried too. I didn't won't to worry Gerard about my stupid thoughts.
"So how was therapy, "He ask.
"Same as always. I don't see a change like I thought I would,"I replied.
"I do. You’re smiling more then you ever have. Your opening up more. I can see a big change,"He said while looking at me.
If he saw a change in me then maybe I was changing. But that still didn't help me thoughts.