High School Is the Least of Our Worries.

Gerard.

I stared at the spot Mikey was standing, long after he had left. I fucked up yet again. Why did I push him away? He’s the only one who cares about me and he’s gone. Can I fucking help this? I wish I was here in Mikey’s arms again, being rocked slowly by him, the only way to make me feel secure. Everyone hates me, and now even Mikey does. I can’t take it anymore.

I know Mikey far to well to try and seek him out again. He’d just push me away again until I’m sober. Well fuck that. I have to get out of this place.

I wipe the blood away from my new cuts, wincing as the cold water washes over them, the pleasure now faded to pain. Then again, that’s how life works isn’t it? Pleasure for a while, but just as you’re beginning to think that maybe life isn’t so bad, the pain is back and you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it.

Do I have to?

I stumble downstairs yet again, nearly fainting from loss of blood. I chuck the empty bottle into the bin carelessly, and notice we have 6 new messages on the answering machine. Confused, I press the button and listen.

They’re all from Frank. He sounds a mess. He says he misses me, he says he wants me with him. But can I do it again? Again I feel tears dripping from my already swollen eyes.

The last one says, “Gee. I’m sorry. If you want to see me again, meet me in the forest. Find the treehouse. I-I’m here. Waiting for you. P-please,” and the line goes dead.

I’m still cold hard drunk, but I still have enough sense to think it through. Eventually I come to a conclusion. Mikey’s left; all I have is Frank, if I’ll let myself. I grab my keys and clamber out to the car, shaking my head to keep me awake.

Frank…

Frank

I’ve pretty much given up hope in him coming back to me. The last message I left was 2 hours ago and I hate how pathetic I sound.

“Gee. I’m sorry. If you want to see me again, meet me in the forest. Find the treehouse. I-I’m here. Waiting for you. P-please.”

I need to get a grip. I can’t let one guy rule my life.

I almost laugh out loud at the fact that before I met Gerard, I was tough, popular, loads of friends, a hot girlfriend, practically everything you could ask for in life! And now since I became friends with Gerard, my life has come spiralling downward, leaving me a pathetic snivelling mess.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting here, probably 3 or 4 hours. I move over to the cut square in the wood, acting as a window. The sky is getting darker and I cool breeze whips past, making me shiver in my thin t-shirt. I wrap my arms around myself in a vain attempt to keep warm as tiny droplets of rain start to pitter patter against the homemade roof. I look at my phone, unlocking it just to check I hadn’t missed any calls or texts even though that was impossible, I’d had my phone by me the whole time I’d been here.

The rain gets heavier and lashes down outside. I contemplate going inside to get a coat but I know I can’t, if mum sees me she’ll kill me and what if Gerard comes here when I’m not here? He’ll leave and think I’m playing him around again.

I crawl back to my corner, as far away from the window as possible. I shut my eyes and try to forget everyone and everything around me bit I’m broken out of my reverie by a small slurred voice.

“Frankie?”

Gerard.

Fucking hell. I’ve never seen Frank so bad. He looks like he’s been crying for hours. Funnily enough, I haven’t; maybe the vodka left me with no emotion, but the only time I cried after hearing Frank’s voicemail is when I was in the bathroom, willing Mikey to not hurt himself just for me. I’m not worth it. I’m alone in the world.

I go over to him, stumbling slightly when all the fluids rush to my head, and sit down next to him. A tear runs down his cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb. He looks so broken. I feel my heart cracking just from seeing him.

“Gee,” Frank whispers, his throat hoarse, “I’ve missed you.”

“But Frank, it’s only been a day,” I reply as gently as possible.

“Yeah but it f-feels like a lifetime,” he whimpers.

I want to bring up the fact that he doesn’t love me again, but I decided against it. He looks upset enough as it is.

I lean back and bang my head against the wall, my memory jerking slightly.

“Mikey…” I hiss and I furiously wipe a tear away.

“Gee what’s wrong,” Frank asks gently and I snap, “Nothing just leave it.” He has no business about Mikey.

He doesn’t reject me as I thought he would. He brings me closer and I collapse in his grasp, slowly rocking in time with the wind, closing my eyes as the rhythm takes over my senses.

Frank.

I simply sit there with him, rocking back and forth, the wind rattling against the wooden roof.

I don’t even pretend to comprehend how I feel around him. Every second seems to last a lifetime when he’s not around. It scares the living shit out of me.

I kiss the side of his face softly, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“We’re gonna be okay,” I whisper, barely noticing that I’m freezing, my fingers numb even in his warm embrace.

“Yeah,” He says quietly, pulling away from me, looking up at me with teary eyes. I give him a tiny smile.

He wordlessly leans up and presses his lips to mine. It’s unlike any kiss I’ve every shared with anyone before. It’s gentle and caring and soft. His lips caress mine and goosebumps erupt on my skin.

I keep it slow, keeping my mouth closed as I cup his cheek.

“I’m so sorry for how I’ve made you feel,” I whisper as he shifts and lies down on the cold hard wood. I lie my head on his chest and he kisses the top of my head.

“I know,” He whispers.