High School Is the Least of Our Worries.

Frank.

It’s been a week since I last saw Gerard.

A whole fucking week and it’s killing me!

The last time I saw him I got kicked out of his house by his 14 year old brother, telling me that if I came back he’d kick my fucking ass. I’d like to see that little toothpick try!

I remember Gerard’s face as I had to leave, his face was a mixture of pain, hurt, anger and confusion. I hope he doesn’t hate me. I couldn’t stand it if he hated me.

I don’t know why Gerard’s brother hates me so much, I haven’t hurt Gerard in any way… I never will either, well… not intentionally anyway.

I really miss him and I hate to think of him being upset… he probably misses me too. He hasn’t been in school… his brother probably told him to avoid me, unless he’s hurt, oh God please let him be okay!

I miss him so much that he’s all I think about.

I miss him so much that I pleasure myself every night to thoughts of him.

I miss him so much that I cry myself to sleep most nights because I don’t know if he’s okay. But of course I don’t dare go over to his house, this is because he probably hates me after what I said to him.

I can’t believe that I said I wish none of this had ever happened, I don’t mean that, He’s changed my life completely. I love him so much that it’s tearing me apart inside, not being able to see him every day.

Gerard.

I groan tiredly as I hear Mikey’s voice yelling at me, his mouth right next to my ear. My head’s killing me. I knew I shouldn’t have drunk that third bottle of vodka last night. Or the night before…or the night before that…

I raise my head to shout back at him, but then realise that he was only whispering soothingly, to try and get me to wake up. I rub my bloodshot eyes. It’s been like this ever since that argument with Frank. I sometimes hate Mikey for kicking him out… but I sometimes hate Frank for saying that.

How could he say that he wishes he’d never met me? I’ve told him so many times that I love him, in the hopes that he’d say it back. Am I so delusional not to see that he hates me?!

“I’m going to school, Gee,” Mikey whispers and kisses my cheek. I smile weakly at him and nod, wincing as that makes the room spin. I see him glance around the room at the empty vodka bottles with a look of sadness and hatred – and a flash of remembrance in his eyes. The hatred is meant for Frank, I can tell.

Hey, it’s not hard getting all this alcohol. Mom keeps stacks of it in the kitchen; she’s pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth, only coming in at two in the morning to leave again early before school. Well fuck her; we don’t need her.

He’s gone and I don’t know how long I’m in bed for. Could have been minutes, or a couple of hours. All I know is that when I get up suddenly, my mind plagued with thoughts with him, I know what I have to do.

I clutch my head as a throbbing headache awakens and the room spins. I hold onto the bed post, holding myself up as I promise myself I’ll never drink again.

You said that yesterday, Gerard…

As the room comes to a stop, I grab my keys and make up my mind. I’m not going to give up. I’m going to see him.

Frank.

It’s the middle of the morning, probably about 9am-ish. I can’t be bothered to sit up and look at the clock; I can’t be bothered to do anything much anymore. I certainly can’t be bothered to go to school, moms not here to make me so I’m not going!

I roll over and turn to face the window, it’s pouring with rain, it splatters against the window. The noise is calming and makes me smile slightly. Suddenly a huge clap of thunder threatens overhead and I jump, fucking lightening!

I rub my eyes and crawl out of bed, looking around the room for anything, fucking anything to keep my mind occupied.

Suddenly, it’s as if a light bulb goes off in my head and I go over to my closet, pulling out my old guitar, she was my dad’s, he gave her to me a few months before he died, when he died I just stopped playing.

I grin as I see her, I loving labelled her Pansy… don’t ask me why, just fitted y’know.

I take her in my hands and almost respectfully run my fingers over the strings slowly. I begin to strum a little, closing my eyes and just letting the music take me. I play the opening bars to ‘Good Riddance’ by Green Day.

I hope you have the time of your life.

Suddenly I hear footsteps on the landing and I look up towards the door, the door creaks open and I gasp at who I see.

Gerard.

The door’s not locked as I wonder into Frank’s rich-kid house. Why the hell isn’t it locked?! I don’t linger over it for too long, though. I need to see him.

I run up and slowly go across his landing and follow the sound of a guitar strumming. It’s almost hypnotic. I can tell the song; it’s by Green Day, I think. But I’ve never heard this version of the song before… it’s slower. I think I like it better.

I open the door slowly to his room and the guitar stops, and I look at Frank, his fingers poised over the strings. His sharp intake of breath melts into mine and we’re just looking at each other, our gazes locked. He’s more perfect than I remember, the way his mouth was open slightly in astonishment, how his eyes shone, how his hair flopped perfectly from his face.

“Hi,” he says quietly.

“Hey,” I reply. Oh, great Gerard. Real fucking great.

There’s an awkward pause. “W-was that you playing?” I ask, trying to make conversation.

“Yeah…” he replies, putting his guitar down slowly. I suddenly can’t take it anymore.

“Frankie, I’ve missed you so much!” I blurt out, longing for him more than I ever have before.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you too!” he exclaims, almost begging, as he leaps up and crosses the room, slamming our lips together. I run my hands all over him, kissing desperately, not being able to have his body apart from mine for too long.

“I love you,” I groan passionately. And I do. With all my heart.