How could he feel the same?

I rested my head on my hand and sighed. Looking at his gorgeous face smiling at his gorgeous girlfriend never made me feel good, but I couldn't help but do it. Tyler was classic eye candy, tall, long dark brown hair and "deep" eyes. If he stared you in your eyes you couldn't help but melt. Just like every cool guy. However, I knew things about him that no one else did that made him even more amazing, but I guess he didn't think anyone else would so he kept his real interests to himself.

Tyler was best friends with my older brother, who I guess was just like him. What my brother doesn't have is his own mind. Tyler does. During the weekend when my brother, David, and Tyler snuck back into the house my brother would quickly pass out drunk. While he was sleeping Tyler would come down into the living room and sit down right next to me. Every time we'd routinely say the same thing to each other:

"What are you still doing up," He'd pause to look at his watch, "It's 3 AM."

"You know, I could be asking you the same question... I have insomnia."

He'd smirk and say, "Funny, so do I."

Other times, in the morning, we'd play music together. I own a guitar and drum set and I'd play the drums while he used my guitar. His friends thought rock music sucked so he kept that a secret to. Also, he'd talk my brother into watching gory movies with me and he'd stifle a laugh at the most horrifying parts. As I thought about all the (secret) times I had with Tyler I caught him looking over at me until Jessica turned his face back toward hers.

Finally, the 9th period bell rang and I picked up my book bag rushing out of the room. School was finally over and I wouldn't have to go back for two weeks, thank you winter break.

I went to my locker, grabbed my cell phone, took some of my books out and shoved them in my book bag and lastly closed my locker. When I turned around I saw Tyler.

"I'm going to hang out with your brother. Want a ride home," He asked. If David didn't skip school I would have a ride home already and wouldn't feel so depressed riding with Tyler. But I said yes anyway. It took but five minutes to get to my house and when we did get there I flung the door open and stomped up to my room. I made it extremely noticeable but Tyler still didn't notice. Well screw him and his girlfriend.

***

I stayed in my room all night except when I had to go to the bathroom or get a drink. I didn't want to eat. Walking back and forth I noticed Tyler sitting on the couch with his arms crossed watching television. Each time I walked by he stared at me. I wondered if he was missing my company then remember his pretty and popular girlfriend, and thought differently.

"Hey, Ellie, why aren't you watching TV with me tonight," Tyler called out to me when I walked by for the millionth time. I go to the bathroom a lot.

Without realizing what I was saying I snapped, "It's not like you want me to be there anyway."

"What are you talking about?"

I glanced at Tyler for a moment, said never mind, and went back to my room. Good thing I brought sleeping pills with me this time.

***

In the morning I had a sudden urge to watch the movie Imaginary Heroes on DVD and brought it down to the living room. Of course Tyler was awake and David was still sleeping. It was eight o'clock AM. I looked at Tyler gesturing toward the movie. He nodded so I put it in. We both have seen this movie at least three times together and we both loved it.

We laughed with each other at certain parts, were sad at others. I even noticed that Tyler kept looking at me during the movie. But it was probably because we both enjoyed watching the movie so much. When it ended we snuck up to my room to play music.

"This is a song I wrote. I'm not done yet," He whispered and showed me. I read it slowly.

So different, you and I look on the surface

But we share the same ways.

Laughing, smiling, we'll never know what the next day will bring us.

Caring, sharing, good memories.

It's always easy to forget when I'm with you.

"Wow, this is amazing," I complimented Tyler.

He shrugged and said, "It's just the first verse."

"Is it for... Jessica," I stumbled on my words. Tyler cleared his throat.

"Let's continue playing without the words since I'm not done yet." I did as he said but I couldn't push away the feeling in my stomach. Then we heard David getting out and Tyler rushed out of my room quick. He didn't get caught. He never did. I stepped into the frame of my door and saw Tyler, just as David walked out of his room, casually yawn and stretch, walking out of the bathroom. He was good.

"Yo dude. And Ellie, don't play your shit when I'm trying to sleep."

"I'm sorry," I apologized.

David and Tyler showered and got dressed then went outside to throw a football around. A little while later the called about fourteen people over to play a game in our huge back yard. I couldn't help but stare out the window at Tyler; I knew who he really was. He was different then all the other players. None of them were mean to me when David was around. They acted all nice and patted my head and I'd act cutesy and giggle at their jokes. But when David wasn't around they'd shout things at me like "Freak!" "Emo!" or "Devil fucker." That's why I was so surprised the first time Tyler and I hung out in my living room. If it were any of the other guys they'd be passed out drunk, and if they were still awake enough they wouldn't sit down with me and watch TV while being civil.

I finally pulled myself away from the window when Jessica came running over, interrupting their game and all, to jump on Tyler and start making out with him... in front of everyone. All the guys either looked grossed out, or seemed turned on. Perverts. I decided to go out the front door and purposely walk straight through all the guys to indicate that I was going out to hang out with someone. That I do have a life which they didn't think I do just because I don't sleep with them. That's one reason some of them hate me. The rest of the reasons are 1.) I actually think for myself 2.) I don't suck up to them and 3.) I dress like a rock star would.

They all fake smiled at me.

"Hey," Dave called, "Where are you going?"

"Out. I made plans to hang out with Emilia and one of her friends yesterday. I already told you that."

"Oh yeah. Be in by dark."

"Thanks dad," I laughed and continued on. Not before looking at Tyler who was no longer kissing Jessica.

***

"Oh, speak of the devil and she herself will come," Emilia laughed. She was talking to some guy our age.

"Nice to finally meet you," He greeted me, "I'm Ethan."

"Nice to meet you to. I'm Ellie."

"I know."

I took a good look at Ethan. He was extremely cute. Tall with black hair and green eyes. It looked like he worked out and he wore similar band tees that I wore. If people didn't see the smile on Emilia's face they probably would have thought we kidnapped her. She was so much different from us. She wore her long shiny blond hair up in a ponytail or braids most of the time. She wore short shorts and bright tank tops. She was on the cheerleading team and was always happy. She always spilled juicy details about other girls on the squad to me and things she did with guys. All I ever complained to her about was my brothers friends, how my parents are never around, and how people in school bother me so much. We were so different but we've been best friends since the eighth grade, that was three years ago; now we're juniors. The only thing I don't tell her about is Tyler. I feel guilty about it though.

"So you guys want to see that Circus De Freaks movie?" She asked sounding excited.

"I think you mean Cirque Du Freak," I laughed correcting her.

"Yeah whatever it's called. Do you?"

"Yes," Ethan and I said in unison.

"The books were great," He pointed out.

Emilia looked confused but I said, "Weren't they? No one here has read them."

"Three tickets for Cirque Du freak please," Emmy asked pronouncing the name slow so she wouldn't embarrass herself.

"The movie is the second door through the left side," The guy at the counter said. We went to get popcorn and drinks, Ethan offered to pay which Emmy and I politly denied but he insisted. I went to the bathroom and met them in the theater after.

"Here, I saved you a seat in between Ethan and I, in case, you know, someone tried sitting next to us," She smiled, always thinking of things that could happen.

Halfway through the movie Ethan put his arm around me. I looked up at him confused and he smiled down at me. I thought of Tyler then shook any thought of him away and set my head down on Ethan's shoulder and left it there for the rest of the movie. When it ended I was satisfied, yet complained anyway.

"That was way different than the books," My voice rose in pitch and volume.

"It was still good though," Ethan pointed out.

"I didn't read the books but I liked the movie," Em pitched in, "Hey you guys. Let's go eat some pizza. I'll pay this time." We all agreed.

We went to the Great Cheese; the best pizza place in town. It also had games and music. It was a popular hang out place. We sat down at a table and ordered a large cheese pizza. When the waitress, Amy one of the cheerleaders, gave us our order only being nice because of Emmy, left we all laughed at the things Em told us about her. Things like how she got extremely drunk at her own party and everyone left her there passed out to get in trouble for the mess. How she gave a buy a blow job with no protection and she got an STD. How my brother led her on and really pretended to like her and made her cry by showing her underwear to everyone in school. That was one of the few things my brother did to make me proud. No matter how mean it sounded I really believed Amy deserved it. After telling us about Amy Emilia went to the bathroom leaving Ethan and I alone.

"You're cuter when you laugh," He smirked staring at me.

"Cuter?" I rose an eyebrow at him.

"Yes," He said and the next thing I knew I was being pulled into a kiss. It only lasted about ten seconds before I heard yelling.

"Who the hell is this?" My brother shouted at me, his face red.

"Ethan," I whispered.

"What happened to hanging out with Emilia and her friend?"

"I am hanging out with Emilia and her friend. She just went to the bathroom," I shouted in defense.

"So her friend is code for your boyfriend?" The look in his eye was disgust. Who it was directed toward, me or in Ethan, I didn't know.

"No! I- I just met him!" I smacked myself in the forehead.

"You whore." The voice that called me this wasn't my brother, no. It wasn't one of his wise ass friends, or their girlfriends. It was his nice, sweet friend. It was Tyler. I gasped.

"What did you just call her," Ethan snapped getting in Tyler's face.

"Did I stutter?"

Tyler threw the first punch, and Ethan didn't even flinch from the punch, but there was pain in his face. I guess he was experienced when it came to fighting. He threw a left hook at Tyler and Tyler couldn't block it, so he threw his right fist at him. That's as far as it got before David stepped in and broke the fight up.

"That's enough bro, he's not worth it."

"Apparently Ellie doesn't know that," Tyler said and left.

I felt like shit. I was finally starting to like another guy and Tyler saw and called me a whore! This was a good day but it seems every good day turns bad at some point.

"Oh my gosh Ethan! Are you okay?! I saw what happened," Emmy ran over and hugged Ethan. I guess she knew what was going on but didn't want to get to close. She touched his swelling face and got some ice for him.

"I'm fine. Let's play some air hockey. I'll play Ellie and winner plays you," Ethan shrugged it off.

"Sounds good to me," She laughed while Ethan put in the quarters.

"I'm going to get a milkshake. You guys want one?"

"Yes please, you know my favorite," I said trying to keep smiling.

"Yeah, strawberry please and thank you," Ethan thanked then said, "You know you're not a whore, right? That guy is just an ass wipe."

"No he's not. We hang out whenever my brothers sleeping. Well, oops, that's supposed to be a secret. Please don't tell anyone, not even Emmy," I begged.

"Okay, I won't. But why does he keep it a secret. If he really liked you he'd let everyone know," He pointed out while scoring 1-0.

"Yeah, you're right," I said then laughed when I made it 1-1.

"Oh no, Ellie's getting heated up."

***

An hour and a half later Ethan and Emmy dropped me off at my house and I was happy; Tyler's words in the back of my head. But when I went inside him and my brother were standing, arms crossed waiting for me. That or they saw the headlights.

"What the hell were you doing earlier," Dave interrogated.

"Nothing," I sighed.

"Macking at the Great Cheese doesn't look like nothing," Tyler barked at me.

"Oh my god! This is none of your guys' business! I'm not the one who has sex with people all the time, you two do... Leave me alone!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and stomped up the stairs to my room.

Finally a guy showed affection that wasn't pure lust toward me and the one guy I've ever really cared about comes along and completely makes me feel like I'm an inch tall. I began to cry a little until I heard a knock on the door.

"Go away David," I groaned. The door open but instead of Dave coming in it was Tyler.

"What the hell do you-" I started but was interrupted.

"What were you- were you crying?"

I shook my head and turned away from him.

"Uh... okay. I just wanted to know why you stormed away from Dave and I?"

My face got hot and I got mad at that, "I just kissed a boy I like at a pizza place and you called me a whore! It was just a tiny kiss. I didn't fuck a nasty slut at a park like you did!" I nearly spat in his face.

"I see the intentions behind your eyes. You'd fuck anything that would want to do you back... but nothing does," He maliciously snapped at me then left the room.

***

That night I just cried like a little baby. I didn't answer Emmy's calls so I didn't know she gave me Ethan's number so I was still surprised when a strange number kept calling me. That was until I listened to my voice mail. I just threw my phone back down and ignored the knocking on my door until it, yet again, opened. I wish people would take a hint!

It was, once again, Tyler. Did he like torturing me?

"Hey. I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know what came over me," He apologised. I didn't know what I was doing exactly, but somehow I lost control and kissed Tyler.

He looked shocked then gasped out, "What is that?"

I looked him dead in the eye and told him, "I... I love you Tyler." He stared at me with his mouth as wide open as it could possibly go. Then, he swallowed and closed it.

"That's... cool?" He muttered.

"That's cool... that's cool!?" I screamed in his face, "I just told you I love you and you just say that's cool?"

"What do you except? I don't love you back.. you... freak!" He spat and left the room. This time staying gone.

The rest of my Winter Break wasn't so bad. At first my heart very crushed and I couldn't stand looking at Tyler. But I hardly had to because he was avoiding me. At least, it seemed that way. Dave must have been staying at his house instead. Then, when he started coming over again I went to hang out with Emmy and Ethan.

I slowly really began to like Ethan. The second week of Winter Break we started hanging out without Emilia and a few days later he kissed me deeper, and then we officially started going out. He was new and no one in our school really met him yet so when we got back to school everyone was surprised seeing us walking down the halls, hand in hand.

Tyler began glaring at me when he saw us together in the halls and making my life hell, but when I was home he'd act really nice and try to do things with me again.

On Ethan's and my two month anniversary we celebrated at my house. We ordered Chinese and lit candles, shutting off the lights, while we ate them then we laid down on the couch together watching romantic movies. I was surprised he offered to. In the middle of our second movie Tyler stormed down the stairs and screamed at Ethan to leave. He glanced at me seeing how nervous I was and left without a fight.

"Tyler!? What the hell are you doing! We're in the middle of celebrating our anniversary!" I said my words filled with hate.

"I can't take it anymore! I couldn't take watching you guys walking down the halls and streets holding hands, making out in the living room, saying 'I love you!' I'm sick of it," He was nearly twitching and if I didn't know any better I'd say he was on drugs.

"What?" I snapped, "I told you two months ago like I loved you. And now you make [b]my boyfriendleave to tell me you can't stand seeing us together? Well too fucking bad because I couldn't stand seeing you and Jessica together but I had to every flippin' day! And now I'm over you. Leave me and my boyfriend alone! Alone!" Then I left. Well, I tried with no such luck. He grabbed my arm, turned me around and kissed me. I quickly pulled away.

"Oh... and I kissed you! You didn't care. I have a nice boyfriend who actually wasn't afraid to show everyone he loves me... unlike you."

"What," I nearly laughed when Tyler said that. He really looked confused. I mentally stabbed him with my eyes.

"You only talked to me outside of school, except when I needed a ride. You only did things with me when my brother was sleeping, when you weren't around your other friends or Jessica. Ethan loves me for who I am, whether there's an audience or not. He doesn't hide who he is either." I must have shocked Tyler then because he let me go. The look on his face didn't let me go easily, he looked hurt and that's all I saw in my mind. He ruined my weekend. It was Friday and I was stuck home now and he was downstairs watching my TV while I lie here feeling guilty. Finally, I threw myself downstairs wanting to give him another piece of my mind, and maybe even my fist.

But instead I saw him sitting there all alone in the dark and for the first time I noticed the darkness under his eyes and it clicked in my mind. He always looked this way; depressed and alone. Everyone in the world pressured him into dating the popular pretty girl, excelling in his classes, being the toughest guy. But when he was with me he could be who he wanted, and I just made it so he could never be himself again.

"Don't worry," His voice sounded weak as his lifted himself up off of the couch, "I'm leaving."

"Wait!" I shouted.

"What? Going to yell at me some more? Why don't you swing?"

I balled my fist up, but instead planted my lips on his. I put my arms around his neck. He felt really tense but loosened up and put his arms around my waist. We kissed for awhile and then his tongue smoothly slid into my mouth. All the tension completely left my body and we went even further than that...

***

A few hours later I didn't feel so great anymore. I scrambled up to my room and dialed Ethan's number.

He answered sounding groggily. I woke him up.

"Yes Ellie pie," I just realized how much I hated that nickname, "I was sleeping."

"Ethan, I'm so sorry. I..."

"What? What's wrong?" He now sounded wide awake.

"I cheated on you," I blurted out.

"What!?"

"I'm so sorry. You probably wouldn't forgive me anyway. So I understand we sound break up. Once again I'm sorry," Then I hung up.

I sat awake in anxiety waiting for Tyler to wake up. Was this going to be a one night stand? Was he going to act like nothing happened? Would this be a secret? When he finally woke up he walked over to me and kissed me again. Then I realized I was still naked, and my brother could have walked in on us at anytime! I quickly ran out of Tyler's view and got dressed.

For the rest of the weekend we went behind David's back and make out, and when Monday came around and we were at school together I got nervous. He was going to act like nothing happened probably. When lunch came around I sat with Emmy, Ethan sat with some friends he made.

"Hey baby! I heard that you and Ethan broke up? Why!?" She looked concerned.

"I... um I-" I was having a hard time finding what to tell her. But I ended up not having to.

"She cheated on him with me," Tyler told her. She stared at him in awe. Now I felt even more guilty for not telling her how I felt about Tyler.

Tyler must have finally broken loose from caring about what others thought of him because of what he was doing.

"Did you hear that everyone? Ellie and I are dating!" He cupped his hands around his mouth so everyone could here, then he casually put his arms around my shoulders and led me out of the cafeteria. On the surface he looked confident, but I knew he was really feeling scared. He never chose his happiness over what others wanted him to do. But, he was free, and we were together. We'd make it through together. And at least he only had a few more months.

We'd make it.