Status: Inactive. I hope to continue writing this someday but right now, mostly left as comparison between my writing now and back then
Burning Out Bright
When the lights go out
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
“So what does this mean? Are we...dating now?” asks Natalia. She still doesn’t understand why things happened as they did though Adam has repeatedly tried to explain something about Peyton. He seems too embarrassed each time to give her a proper explanation and so, she resolves to speak to Peyton Sutherland privately about it.
“I guess so.”
They stare at each other for a second before a slow smile develops on her face.
There’s already been enough said.
***
“Your mother is driving me absolutely insane.”
“She can’t find Eric again,” clarified Adam. Somehow, those two statements had become mutually exclusive ever since Eric went to college.
His father nods, rubbing his temples tiredly. “I know that it’s nothing new, Eric always pulls this on her. But even then...”
A mother who should stop broadcasting her thoughts, a father who had taken to late nights at work to avoid her and an older brother who preferred to pretend that he didn’t have a family...Adam’s life read like a soap opera. All that was missing was Adam’s twin brother who had been swapped at birth by his family’s enemies.
He had been feeling calm before this, glad that he finally managed to have a relationship in his life that wasn’t messed up but now that his father had brought this up, his mood darkens.
“Listen, I know that it’s unfair of me to ask. But is it possible for you to help us find Eric?”
Henry Kingston is unused about asking anything from his sons, knowing that it was unfair for him to have any expectations for them when they were already saddled with Jennifer. But he knows that Jennifer came down twice as hard on Adam because of Eric’s rebellion and feels extremely uneasy making this request.
Adam turns away from his father. It is laughable that they expect him to find a grown man like Eric, who was completely capable of taking care of himself but what really tops the cake is how they expect him to know about his older brother, when they were never close to begin with.
But in the end, he gives the answer that his father wants to hear. “Okay.”
***
TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD
His hands were trembling with the effort but still, Adam turns around and deftly hides the joint by slipping it in his jacket’s pocket. Smiling widely despite the effort it had taken, he asks, “What brings you here?”
Natalia eyes him suspiciously, searching for the familiar signs but found none. Letting out a breath she hadn’t even realised she was holding, she replies, “Nothing really, just came to see if you were free today.”
His grin freezes slightly and all of a sudden, she remembers how she had been the one who had kept Adam together in their first weeks at Brown. He had swung between alertness, paranoia and restlessness. After all that, he couldn’t possibly put both of them through it again...could he?
But then Adam pecks her on the cheek and she relaxes. “Not today, Nat. I’ve plans with a friend.”
Her mind races again. “Which friend?”
“Don’t you trust me? You should-”
“Which friend?” Her gaze is unflinching. She had gone past the stage where she had complete trust in him and is a little wary of total belief. It had been because of her trust that she hadn’t known about how addicted he was until nearly overdosed.
Adam’s mind is completely blank, still thinking at his secret and so, he replies honestly, “Jesse.”
Her face screws up with distaste. Natalia had never liked Jesse Edwards but could never quite say the reason why. All that she knew was that Jesse’s ‘anything goes’ attitude was a little unnatural. She’d never suspect, of course, that Jesse’s composed facade come from a small pill that made his heartbeat slow and his mind fuzzy. And it is best that she never knows.
“There’s nothing wrong with Jesse. He’s one of the few friends I have left,” replies Adam hotly, knowing that it would make Natalia guilty.
She flushes. It’s true that she may have scared some of Adam’s friends off after his accident, worried that they were a bad influence. “I never said that there was anything wrong with Jesse. So where are you guys going today?”
“To the movies.” He thinks of the joint in his fingers, the way he would feel... Why couldn’t she just leave him alone so that he could enjoy it in peace?
“Jesse wants to go to the movies?”
Frustrated, Adam glares at her. The vehement dislike in his eyes scares her slightly, another memory surfacing in her mind’s eye. He says, slowly and distinctly, “If you don’t trust me, Nat, you’re welcomed to leave.”
Natalia feels her mouth dry. “It’s not that.”
“Then why do you keep picking holes in whatever I say?” He sounds tired and annoyed. “I know that you’re worried about him but by doing this to me every single time... Stop treating me like I’m a vase you need to constantly watch over.”
She has no words in her vocabulary to explain to him how she didn’t feel safe leaving him alone anymore, especially not alone with Jesse Edwards. But she knows that he would never understand. Adam couldn’t understand because he was never in that situation before. Having no way to tell him what he wanted to know, she leaves.
Watching her retreating back, Adam smiles and closes the door behind her. He takes the joint out of his pocket and thinks of nothing else...
...especially not Nat.
***
She opens the wishing box, which she had taken from home due to a fear that Nicholas would open it while she was at college. Natalia hadn’t thought that she would need its power here because she had thought that she already had everything she wanted.
How foolish she’d been.
Natalia read through all the wishes she made as a kid, smiling slightly at the time when things had been simpler. And then she came across her latest wish, the one she had been outside ER. I wish Adam would recover quickly.
All along she had believed in the wishing box, that if she hoped for anything enough, it would happen.
And she had one last wish, one she wasn’t all too certain about making.
I wish I didn’t love Adam.
***
A bright light shines into Adam’s face as he cracks opens his eyes and he shuts them immediately, grimacing at the sudden shock. A man’s gruff voice announces, “You’re finally awake. Well, let’s get things going. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”
He nods stiffly.
“If I were you, boy, I’ll keep your mouth shut like you friend.”
Adam frowns. Jesse was arrested too. But what were they caught for? If he could only remember what had happened last night...
As if he’d summoned the memory, he recalls how Jesse’s Canadian friend, who had some friends in charge of border security, had invited them over the border for an all night rave, with Jesse and Adam bringing the goods and then...he blacked out. Smacking his head, Adam wonders why he would have agreed to such a stupid way to spend the evening. Hold on. He had protested but then Jesse promised him that there would be some freaking awesome pot there.
He had been stupid, beyond belief.
“I’ve another piece of advice for you.” The officer smartly handcuffs Adam and shoves him into the back of the car before entering. “Start praying that whatever stash you brought doesn’t exist the limit because if you’re charged with illegal border crossing and with your stash being over the legal limit...” The officer glances at the review mirror and smiles unpleasantly. “You’re going to be a one way ticket to hell.”
Adam stares at him and swallows with some difficulty.
***
“So what does this mean? Are we...dating now?” asks Natalia. She still doesn’t understand why things happened as they did though Adam has repeatedly tried to explain something about Peyton. He seems too embarrassed each time to give her a proper explanation and so, she resolves to speak to Peyton Sutherland privately about it.
“I guess so.”
They stare at each other for a second before a slow smile develops on her face.
There’s already been enough said.
***
“Your mother is driving me absolutely insane.”
“She can’t find Eric again,” clarified Adam. Somehow, those two statements had become mutually exclusive ever since Eric went to college.
His father nods, rubbing his temples tiredly. “I know that it’s nothing new, Eric always pulls this on her. But even then...”
A mother who should stop broadcasting her thoughts, a father who had taken to late nights at work to avoid her and an older brother who preferred to pretend that he didn’t have a family...Adam’s life read like a soap opera. All that was missing was Adam’s twin brother who had been swapped at birth by his family’s enemies.
He had been feeling calm before this, glad that he finally managed to have a relationship in his life that wasn’t messed up but now that his father had brought this up, his mood darkens.
“Listen, I know that it’s unfair of me to ask. But is it possible for you to help us find Eric?”
Henry Kingston is unused about asking anything from his sons, knowing that it was unfair for him to have any expectations for them when they were already saddled with Jennifer. But he knows that Jennifer came down twice as hard on Adam because of Eric’s rebellion and feels extremely uneasy making this request.
Adam turns away from his father. It is laughable that they expect him to find a grown man like Eric, who was completely capable of taking care of himself but what really tops the cake is how they expect him to know about his older brother, when they were never close to begin with.
But in the end, he gives the answer that his father wants to hear. “Okay.”
***
TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD
His hands were trembling with the effort but still, Adam turns around and deftly hides the joint by slipping it in his jacket’s pocket. Smiling widely despite the effort it had taken, he asks, “What brings you here?”
Natalia eyes him suspiciously, searching for the familiar signs but found none. Letting out a breath she hadn’t even realised she was holding, she replies, “Nothing really, just came to see if you were free today.”
His grin freezes slightly and all of a sudden, she remembers how she had been the one who had kept Adam together in their first weeks at Brown. He had swung between alertness, paranoia and restlessness. After all that, he couldn’t possibly put both of them through it again...could he?
But then Adam pecks her on the cheek and she relaxes. “Not today, Nat. I’ve plans with a friend.”
Her mind races again. “Which friend?”
“Don’t you trust me? You should-”
“Which friend?” Her gaze is unflinching. She had gone past the stage where she had complete trust in him and is a little wary of total belief. It had been because of her trust that she hadn’t known about how addicted he was until nearly overdosed.
Adam’s mind is completely blank, still thinking at his secret and so, he replies honestly, “Jesse.”
Her face screws up with distaste. Natalia had never liked Jesse Edwards but could never quite say the reason why. All that she knew was that Jesse’s ‘anything goes’ attitude was a little unnatural. She’d never suspect, of course, that Jesse’s composed facade come from a small pill that made his heartbeat slow and his mind fuzzy. And it is best that she never knows.
“There’s nothing wrong with Jesse. He’s one of the few friends I have left,” replies Adam hotly, knowing that it would make Natalia guilty.
She flushes. It’s true that she may have scared some of Adam’s friends off after his accident, worried that they were a bad influence. “I never said that there was anything wrong with Jesse. So where are you guys going today?”
“To the movies.” He thinks of the joint in his fingers, the way he would feel... Why couldn’t she just leave him alone so that he could enjoy it in peace?
“Jesse wants to go to the movies?”
Frustrated, Adam glares at her. The vehement dislike in his eyes scares her slightly, another memory surfacing in her mind’s eye. He says, slowly and distinctly, “If you don’t trust me, Nat, you’re welcomed to leave.”
Natalia feels her mouth dry. “It’s not that.”
“Then why do you keep picking holes in whatever I say?” He sounds tired and annoyed. “I know that you’re worried about him but by doing this to me every single time... Stop treating me like I’m a vase you need to constantly watch over.”
She has no words in her vocabulary to explain to him how she didn’t feel safe leaving him alone anymore, especially not alone with Jesse Edwards. But she knows that he would never understand. Adam couldn’t understand because he was never in that situation before. Having no way to tell him what he wanted to know, she leaves.
Watching her retreating back, Adam smiles and closes the door behind her. He takes the joint out of his pocket and thinks of nothing else...
...especially not Nat.
***
She opens the wishing box, which she had taken from home due to a fear that Nicholas would open it while she was at college. Natalia hadn’t thought that she would need its power here because she had thought that she already had everything she wanted.
How foolish she’d been.
Natalia read through all the wishes she made as a kid, smiling slightly at the time when things had been simpler. And then she came across her latest wish, the one she had been outside ER. I wish Adam would recover quickly.
All along she had believed in the wishing box, that if she hoped for anything enough, it would happen.
And she had one last wish, one she wasn’t all too certain about making.
I wish I didn’t love Adam.
***
A bright light shines into Adam’s face as he cracks opens his eyes and he shuts them immediately, grimacing at the sudden shock. A man’s gruff voice announces, “You’re finally awake. Well, let’s get things going. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”
He nods stiffly.
“If I were you, boy, I’ll keep your mouth shut like you friend.”
Adam frowns. Jesse was arrested too. But what were they caught for? If he could only remember what had happened last night...
As if he’d summoned the memory, he recalls how Jesse’s Canadian friend, who had some friends in charge of border security, had invited them over the border for an all night rave, with Jesse and Adam bringing the goods and then...he blacked out. Smacking his head, Adam wonders why he would have agreed to such a stupid way to spend the evening. Hold on. He had protested but then Jesse promised him that there would be some freaking awesome pot there.
He had been stupid, beyond belief.
“I’ve another piece of advice for you.” The officer smartly handcuffs Adam and shoves him into the back of the car before entering. “Start praying that whatever stash you brought doesn’t exist the limit because if you’re charged with illegal border crossing and with your stash being over the legal limit...” The officer glances at the review mirror and smiles unpleasantly. “You’re going to be a one way ticket to hell.”
Adam stares at him and swallows with some difficulty.
***