Diamonds Aren't Forever

I stopped in front of the gate leading to my best friend‘s garden, little droplets of water flying off it as I rested my pale, cold hand on the top, and pushed it open.

“Bloody hell it’s freezin’,” I muttered to myself, rubbing my bare hands together, in the cold December night. I approached the door, the music and crowd noise from the inside getting louder with every step I took closer. I already knew I was a bit late, but with a bottle of Jagermeister in hand, I was sure Sean wouldn’t mind. I knocked on the door, my knuckles aching from the impact, as well as the cold.

Seconds later, the door swung open, a burst of warmth gushing from the doorway making me shiver. The open door revealed my best friend Sean leaning against the door frame, his usual cheesy grin plastered on his face.

“Happy Birthday, Sean,” I smiled, holding out the bottle of Jager.

“Oli!” He called, throwing himself at me before bothering to accept the bottle, followed by others pilling themselves on, unless Sean was heavy enough to make me fall back onto the ground, which I knew he wasn’t. I heard Aled, and Alex’s voices from the mass above me, talking and giggling. I heard someone exclaim something about the bottle of Jager I held in my hand, then I felt it being snatched from me.

“Oi! My Jager!” I called, laughing as the mass of guys was lifted from me.

“Share and share alike my friend,” Sean grinned, pulling me up from the cold wet path. “C’mon in, it’s freezing out here,”

I followed Sean, and the others into the house, pulling my scarf and jacket off, then suddenly having them ripped out of my hands. Next, it would be the shirt off my back, I thought, mentally rolling my eyes.

“Woah!” I spun around to see Lizzie stood behind me, holing my possessions. “Oh hi Lizzie!” I smiled, hugging her. Lizzie was Alex of All time Low’s girlfriend, and a very good, but old school friend. She was one of the most entertaining people I’ve ever met, and I trusted her with my life. I heard her mumble hello into my shoulder, then I let go.

“Thanks for the Jagermeister by the way, my favourite,” She giggled, hanging up my jacket and scarf, and walking into the living room, calling “I’ll see you later!” Behind her, as she wandered back into Alex’s arms.

After watching her disappear into Alex, I scanned my surroundings, finding my bearings, and spotting several familiar, but all friendly faces. Glassjaw was blasting out of Sean’s epic DJ equipment, that I was surprised they’d managed to stuff into the comparatively tiny living room.

I turned, as I heard someone coming downstairs, descending from the dark. I saw black heels, I saw black skinny jeans, I saw I purple strappy top, and then I saw her face, her black hair that cascaded past her shoulders. Imogen Richardson. Sean’s girlfriend. Another great friend of mine, whom I met through Sean 4 years ago. We clicked as soon as we met, and we meet up at least twice a week now. She’d been dating Sean for about 3 years, and because of that I hung out with her a lot. Not so much because of Sean, we met up a lot without Sean too.

She was a journalist for Rock sound magazine, so she always gave Sean and I’s respective bands great reviews, which she wasn’t technically allowed to do. But she still did because she loved us. She was the sweetest girl I’d ever met. I could tell her everything, and she was always there. We had so many good memories together.

You could say we were inseparable. But I wouldn’t know what I’d do without her. We’re that close.

“Hello Oli,” She smiled, falling into my arms, as soon as she got onto my level. I snuggled into her shoulder, smiling. She always made me feel calm.

“How’re you?” I asked, letting go of her. She kept hold of my shoulders, smiling at me.

“I’m okay I guess. Sean’s a little bit excitable tonight,” She nodded toward the living room, where Sean was trying to start a mosh pit with the small crowd in front of the DJ set.

“Yeah I know, he nearly knocked me out when I got here,” I laughed, scratching the back of my head.

“Oh dear,” She laughed, grabbing my hand “C’mon, we’re gonna go into rave mode in a bit,”

“Rave mode?” I questioned.

She scanned the room for a split second, then cupped her hands around my ear “Well, don’t tell Sean, but Alex and Josh are gonna turn off all the lights, throw glow in the dark paint everywhere, and put Cascada on,” She whispered. I burst out laughing. Sean would hate that.

“Sean will kill you,” I raised my eyebrows disapprovingly, shaking my head.

“No he won’t,” She shrugged, waving her hand. “He’ll love the glow in the dark paint,”

“But not the Cascada, you might as well put…I dunno, the Crazy frog on or somethin’” I shrugged, plucking a bottle of Carlsberg from the ice bucket on the table beside me.

“Hey, don’t give her ideas,” Josh popped up beside Imogen, smiling. “You’re kind of onto something there Oli,”

“Please don’t. Seriously,” I sighed. “’Cos not only will Sean’s house be ruined, everyone will leave his party too, and his reputation will be ruined,”

“Now that’s what I call a party,” Josh laughed, leaning into the DJ booth. “Oooh, look what I found!” He called over the music, pulling a CD from behind the booth, then handing it to me. MC Hammer.

“Do I really need to say anything?” I raised an eyebrow at Josh, passing him the CD back. “Put it on, right now.”

-x-

5 Jagers, 4 Carlsbergs, and a drinking game later.

The party had descended into darkness. The neon splats on the walls were merging into each other, glaring so much my eyes hurt. The room spun. I was slumped on the sofa, watching Sean DJing at the other side of the room, with the help of his fellow band mate Matt Davies. I watched, laughing to myself as Alex began drunkenly sexy dancing with Josh. Imogen was slumped by the side of the DJ booth, staring in admiration at Sean. I heard Lizzie laughing loudly in the kitchen with Aled.

Ian, of Lostprophets was slumped beside me. More drunk than I was.

“Hey Oli, I read something about you earlier,” Ian tapped my shoulder, as I turned to face him. I frowned.

“Where and what?” I sniffed.

“In Rock sound, news section to be perfectly, and utterly exact,” Ian slurred, giggling. “Yer dirty bastard you, pissing on one of your fans. That’s no way to thank them for coming to a show, is it?” He wagged his finger at me. I frowned, my eyebrows knitting together. What the hell…?

“Ian, what’re yeh talkin’ about?” I asked, sitting up, wavering a little.

-o-

I sat in Starbucks, in Nottingham city centre, with my hood up, sunglasses on, hiding from anybody that might recognise my face. What if it’s true? Shit, I could go down for it.

I hate waking up the next morning, not being able to remember what happened. Last night was one of the craziest nights on the tour. No,the craziest night on the tour. There was so much alcohol, so many girls, so many fans…I just want to go home, but yet I don’t because everyone back at steel city will be more disappointed in me than anyone else in the country. What’ll my parents say? I was even dreading what Imogen would say, and she was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago…

I sipped my coffee, savouring the bitter taste, praying it would get rid of this incredible hangover. Oh how I wish I didn’t get absolutely rat-arsed last night…

I saw Imogen come through the door, and I waved to her, trying not to draw attention to myself at the same time.

“Oliver, seriously, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you look so pale in your life…and I’ve never seen you wear so much disguise…what’s wrong?” She asked, taking a seat across from me.

“Something happened last night, that might not have happened but if it did, I’m fucked,” I bit my lip, taking off my sunglasses, squinting against the natural daylight.

“What?!” She questioned, taking one of my hands.

“Apparently, well, rumour has it, that I pissed on some fan girl last night. But if I did, then I don’t remember it at all, because me and the guys got absolutely rat-arsed after the gig…well, actually,before the gig. All I remember is that there were some girls around, some fans. There was a lot of alcohol and I even think Curtis started doing weed or some shit. I don’t know. And I’m scared.” I vented to Imogen‘s kind, heart shaped face, quietly, just in case anybody heard. When I’d finished, she sat back a second, nodding. Relief washed over me, since she didn’t look mad.

“Well it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I thought you were gonna tell me you’d murdered someone,” She sighed with relief.

“I’m not even sure I didn’t do that, I can barely remember a thing past 7 ‘o clock last night,” I whimpered into my coffee, resting my head on my hand.

“You need to stop drinking, Oli darling,” She stared into my eyes sympathetically.

“I know. You’ll be here for me, if I go down, right?” I asked, searching for some understanding in her eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I?” She smiled. “Also, should I tell Sean about this or do you want to?”

“I’m gonna call him later. He’s in Japan though, I’nt he?” I asked, stirring more sugar into my cup.

“Yeah. I’d tell him when he returns, to be honest,”

“I will. Don’t tell anyone else, please. Imogen. If this really gets out it could damage everything. Bring me the horizon. Drop dead. My friendships. My reputation. It can’t be destroyed this early on, I’m only 20. I’m lucky to have all this shit so early anyway.” Tears began to well up in my eyes, as I thought about everything I could potentially lose over this.

“Oliver, listen to me. Your secret’s safe with me. Okay?” She reassured me, even reaching out to stroke my cheek.

I nodded. “Okay, I trust you.”

-o-

Realisation washed over me. Me telling her 3 weeks ago in Nottingham, the morning after the night before. Something about it being in this month’s Rock sound. Imogen writing for Rock sound. Her being the only one at Rock sound that knew about this. Shit.

Realisation slapping some sober into me, I panicked. “Do you have a copy?”

“Copy of what?” Ian gurgled.

“Rock sound!” I shouted, grabbing some attention from some of the others who were mooching around the room.

“Err, yeah, here,” Ian looked startled, pulling the rolled up magazine from the inside pocket of his leather jacket and throwing it at me, turning away. I stood up with the magazine in hand, stumbling into the kitchen where I’d be able to see. I saw Aled and Lizzie sat on the counters across from each other, kicking each other.

“Hey Oli…” Aled greeted me, in his thick Welsh accent. “What’ve you got there?”

“Oh my god,” I muttered to myself, as I flattened the rolled up magazine out on the counter beside Lizzie.

“Oli what’s wrong?” Lizzie asked, concerned.

“I’ll show you in a minute when I’ve found it,” I panted, getting more and more nervous as I turned to the News section.

“What, is it a bad review?” Aled asked. “Don’t worry about it, Oli. Nobody really takes head of those anyway,”

“It’s worse than that, mate,” I looked at him, a grim expression spreading over my face. He jumped off the counter, to look at what I was reading.

Oliver Sykes of Bring me the Horizon Urinates on female fan: During Bring me the horizon’s biggest UK tour to date, front man Oliver Sykes allegedly urinated on a female fan, on their tour bus after their Rock-sound rated 5 star show. Sykes himself makes the statement: “I pissed on some fan girl last night. And I don’t remember it at all, because me and the guys got absolutely rat-arsed after the gig…well, actually,before the gig. All I remember is that there were some girls around, some fans. There was a lot of alcohol and I even think Curtis started doing weed or some shit.” Sykes’ unprofessional, and derogatory behaviour will be taken to court after Christmas, by the unnamed female fan and her enraged mother. Coverage will be in Next Month’s issue. IR

Nobody said anything for the next few minutes.

“I didn’t even fucking say that.” I growled. My heart raced. Imogen wrote this about me. Knowing She’d ruin everything if she told anybody. And she was even heartless enough to misquote me too make me look like an arsehole.

“Was this Imogen? IR is Imogen Richardson, right?” Lizzie asked, clasping her hands over her mouth. She already knew about this, but judging from her reaction she had no part in this. Well, I had the evidence here that it was Imogen.

“Yeah. I’m going to have a word.” I growled, my blood beginning to boil, and I felt like it was going to seep out of my ears I was that livid.

I stalked back into the dark living room, my spinning eyes searching for her, which proved difficult when the red mist fell over my sight.

I spotted her, taking her by the arm and dragging her away from Sean and off into the hallway.

“What the hell? Oli, what are you doing?” She asked, as I lead her upstairs. I thought it best to go out of the way, I didn’t want to ruin Sean’s party.

“I think you’ll find we need to talk,” I mumbled, pushing the first door I came to open. It was Sean’s room.

I spun around, and threw the magazine onto the bed for her to see. Somewhat luckily, it fell onto the News page, right in front of Imogen’s eyes. I found I didn’t need to say anything. I didn’t think I could have done anyway, without screaming. I was glad there was a bed between us right now, or I might have done something else I regretted.

“Shit. I didn’t even think they’d print that,” She whispered. I could barely look her in the eyes.

“You didn’t think they’d print juicy news like that?!” I screamed. “Why did you do it? Why, knowing it was gonna ruin me?” I cried.

“Oliver…I’m sorry,” She sobbed. “I really am, but…”

“But what? But I care more about my career than I do my best friends? You make me sick. I would never, ever have done that to you,”

“No, but they were gonna sack me if I didn’t have a decent story!” She shouted, her shrill voice bouncing off the walls, shattering my ear drums.

“Then why didn’t you submit the review of our gig that night, that you were supposed to write?!”

“Oh and who are you, my boss?! They wouldn‘t accept another review of your gigs, they wanted something different!” She retaliated.

“No, I’m not your boss, I’m supposed to be one of your best friends, and best friends don’t ruin each other’s careers, or use each other’s downfall’s to boost their own careers,” I sat down on the bed, suddenly feeling weak. How could I retract what I’d done, or supposedly done? Thousands of people all over the UK will have read this by now. There was no going back. I sobbed, letting my head fall into my hands.

“I can submit an apology in next issue?” She offered pathetically.

“Now tell me, Imogen, what the hell is that going to do? People’s opinions of me will be plummeting as we speak. My mum’s probably disgusted with me already. And what is that gonna do anyway, if I’ve got to go to court soon? And how come you know that, and I don’t? Hmm, I fucking wonder.” I sneered sarcastically.

“Because I don’t know if it’s true or not,” She whimpered, sitting down on the bed a meter away from me.

“Exactly.” I spluttered.

We sat in the room in silence, for what felt like a lifetime. I began to cool down, the tears ran dry. I felt calm, and lethargic. I felt nothing, except a dull sickness in the pit of my stomach, the alcohol sloshing around. I felt oddly sober, like I’d had a thousand coffees and slaps around the face.

Imogen scooted over, closer to me. She rested her head on my shoulder, sighing quietly. I took my head from my hands, wondering what this meant. She looked up at me, her black make-up had made black tracks down her face. I watched as her lip wobbled, more tears spouting from her green eyes. Our eyes connected, and I began to feel sorry that I’d shouted at her. I was meant to be a friend to her too.

“I’m sorry, Oli. I don’t know what I can say to save our friendship,” She whispered, her voice wavering almost hysterically.

I said nothing. Just watched her tears fall down onto her jeans. Watched her cheeks grow redder and redder, as she got more upset. Watched her hands fidget with the hem of her purple strappy top. Watched her face in general, not a single imperfection on her skin. I felt her arm snake around the back of me, and I followed suit. I rested my hand on her waist, and felt her body shake beneath my touch. My eyes landed on her trembling lips, pink and slightly swollen. Our faces got so close, I could feel her breath on my lips. I rested my lips onto hers, in an almost tired fashion.

I closed my eyes, as I wasn’t sure exactly what I was doing. I just went with it. My other arm found her other arm, and caressed it from wrist to shoulder, catching the strap on her top between my fingers. Her tongue pressed against my bottom lip, and we deepened the kiss, as I felt her slim body get closer to mine, her hand running through my hair. I pulled down the strap I had tangled in my fingers, and pulled it down her shoulder to her elbow. The kiss getting more and more passionate, I traced my fingers back up her shoulder to her chest, beginning to caress her breasts. I moaned into her mouth as one of her hands travelled up my t-shirt to my stomach and hips, caressing my hip bones lightly at first.

Still not really knowing why I was doing this, I pushed her shoulder back so she lay on the bed, and I broke the kiss as I crawled on top of her, staring into her almost startled, but soft, empathetic green eyes. She gave a small nod, as I pushed my hands up her top, latching the bottom of it between my fingers and pulling it off to reveal her torso. I began planting kisses on her stomach, nipping every now and again with my teeth, causing her to moan. I moved upward to her breasts, kissing along the line of her bra, taking them in my hands. I kissed up to her neck, beginning to suck lightly on the thin, fragile skin as she gasped. I felt her hands go for my hip bones again, this time removing my t-shirt all together. She stared in awe for a second at my tattoos, her fingers tracing along the eagle’s wings on my stomach. Smiling weakly, I plunged us into a passionate kiss again, nipping her bottom lip as I went.

She gripped my shoulders, and pushed me up so we were kneeled up on the bed. Our bodies pressed close to each other, her breasts pushing against my chest. I felt myself getting turned on, our crotches pressing together also. I took her waist in my hands, and had both my hands travelling upward to her bra, unhooking the back of it, as she dropped her arms and let it fall onto the bed. I smiled a little at her perfectly formed breasts, and I leaned down to kiss them delicately, licking her nipple a little as she moaned, pressing her crotch harder into mine.

I pushed her back again, her head resting on the pillow. My head still between her breasts, I kissed down her flat stomach, until my eyes were level with the hem of her jeans. I undid the button, and I heard her heels fall to the floor as she kicked them off. I took down her jeans, revealing black, lacy underwear, and long, toned legs. My hard-on got even bigger in my own jeans, as I dropped her jeans next to her heels, spreading her legs out in front of me.

I crawled back up to her face, kissing her lips, eyes wide open, seeking approval from her, before slipping one hand into her underwear. One finger stroked her entrance, and I heard her softly moan my name. I pushed that finger in, leaning down to kiss her again, as I began to move it in and out of her, I could hear her heart racing, and her tongue lashed out at mine whenever I pushed against her walls. Pushing a second finger in for a second, I stopped, pulling them both out, then pushing them back, pushing her underwear down her thighs, and letting them fall to the floor.

I kneeled up, as she sat in front of me, unbuttoning my jeans, and pulling them down and off, joining the rest of the discarded clothes. My hard-on pushed achingly against my boxers, and I moaned out loud when she touched it from the outside. She kissed the Reckless tattoo at the top of my boxers, her tongue lashing at it, then she clamped her teeth onto my boxers, pulling them down and over my member. She ran her hands from my knees up my thighs, to my crotch, where she pushed my full, hard member into her mouth, almost causing me to call out in pleasure as she took it all, the head hitting the back of her throat. She began to manoeuvre up and down my member, her tongue working magic, more pleasure than I’d ever felt before. I placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her, when I felt that strange, familiar feeling in my stomach, and bent down to kiss her.

“Condom?” She whispered, stroking my face. I nodded, reaching into my jeans pocket for my wallet, and I pulled one out, pulling it out of it’s respective packet, and handing the rubber to her. She pinched the top, and rolled it down my member, which, strangely, turned me on even more, and as soon as it was on, I pushed her back to lean against the pillow, and spread her legs.

I placed my hands either side of her body, and hovered over her, staring into her eyes. She gave a small nod, and with that, I slowly pushed my full hard-on into her, and I watched her face as it twisted into a pleasured expression, and she let out a slow moan. I began to push in and out of her, pushing harder and deeper with every thrust. I took her hips, and began to push her down onto my member, so we met in the middle as I thrusted. She covered her own mouth, and let out a long, deprived moan into her hand, so I pushed my lips onto hers, taking her body fully into my arms, keeping up a moderately paced rhythm of thrusts.

Her kisses began to get more and more aggressive as we made out, until she pushed me back so I lay down on the bed, still inside her, and she sat on top. I took her hands as she began to jig up and down on me, causing me to convulse in pleasure. I felt like I was going to explode inside her, as she grinded onto me aggressively. I let her carry on a while, feeling the most incredible pleasure anybody had ever given me. But when I really felt like I was going to cum, I grabbed her, changing positions, adamant this couldn’t end just yet.

I flipped her over onto her hands and knees, and I crouched behind her. Taking her hips in my hands, I pulled her backward, pushing myself back inside her, as she let out her biggest moan yet. I leaned over her, taking her breasts in my hands, and massaging them as I began to thrust into her, harder with each stroke. Within a few seconds, she grabbed the pillow, screaming into it as she reached orgasm, and dropping it when she’d finished. I stopped, to let her catch her breath, slowly caressing and pressing her nipples, flipping her over and letting her lay down in front of me.

I began to kiss her body again, her stomach, her fast moving chest, the skin on her neck as she looked up so I could get to her jaw bones. I lightly kissed along her jaw, and planted a hard kiss on her lips, before placing my member at her entrance again. She closed her eyes, and gave a small signalling nod, allowing me back inside her. I rested one of my hands on the headboard above her head, and began to thrust into her again, getting harder, and faster, as I pumped myself into her with every effort I could muster. I ran my hands down to her thighs, picking them up and pushing them in front of me, letting them rest on my shoulders, her walls tightening around me, making me moan out into the air. Craving the tighter feeling, I pushed her legs further forward, getting results, as the strange feeling in my stomach returned…

I moaned out her name, knowing I was going to explode any second, and with a few more hard strokes I did, letting my load into her, and dropping her legs in exhaustion.

I dropped my body beside her, caked in sweat. She rested her warm, moist head on my chest, as I stared up at the ceiling, waiting for my body, my feelings, and my breath, that I felt behind before the kiss, to catch up with me.

We lay in silence again, as I tried to comprehend what exactly had just happened. I frowned, confused, up at the ceiling, when I realised I’d just made love to my best friend’s girlfriend.

“I always loved you, Oli,” Imogen whispered, after 10 minutes or so. I frowned again, not because she’d said that, that’d made me feel kind of warm, but because I wasn’t sure what I felt. I think I loved her, but she’d ruined me at some point tonight.

“But I love Sean more.” She said a little louder. “And we all have to take consequences for our actions,”

The frowning now becoming frequent, I turned to her expressionless face.

“What are you on about?” I asked.

“What you did back in Nottingham, you need to face up to what you did there and go to court. And I need to face up to what I’ve just done, just like you do,” She had no emotion in her voice, I couldn’t read what she was saying.

“Eh…? What?” I scratched my head, propping myself up on one elbow as she sat up.

“I’m going to tell Sean what we’ve just done, and we are both going to lose him. There‘s no doubt about that.” She said bluntly.

As soon as she said that, everything clicked into place. I‘d been…used…?

“So you did that…so then I’d truly lose everything? Even you, and Sean?”

“I think you deserve it,” She stood up, and began to dress herself again. “You have no respect for others. But only for your Diamonds, being yourself, your band, and Drop dead. Well this should teach you to respect everything you have. I’ve always loved you Oliver, but at the same time I’ve always wanted to ruin you, and when you told me about Nottingham, that was my chance. Yes, I’m going to lose the 2 men I love most in my life, but at least I still have fans and a career. And you’ll have nothing. Your diamonds aren‘t forever” She slipped on her heels, escalating herself to look even taller and scarier. “And maybe, when you start all over again, you’ll respect what you have,”

I stared at her in awe, as she checked her make-up in the mirror. My mouth didn’t seem to want to stop gawping.

“You’re jealous of my success, aren’t you? You couldn’t bare the fact that everything was going so well for me, and you were about to get sacked from Rock sound!” I shouted, anger bubbling up again.

“You are absolutely right.” She nodded, turning back to me. “But I think I’ve done a damn good job of tearing you down, while I get a doubled salary, don’t you agree?”

“Get out of my fucking sight, you spineless whore!” I shouted, and she did what she was told, flicking her long black hair and slamming the door behind her.

-x-

The night of December 29th, was supposed to be, but didn’t turn out to be, a pretty one. Sean kicked the shit out of me, after Imogen told him what we’d done. He actually ended up forgiving her later, after being convinced, by her, that I pushed her into it. Alex, Matt and Josh began to give me the cold shoulder that night, and have been ever since. December 29th marked the beginning of the downfall of my Diamonds, being Drop dead, sales plummeting fast by the hour, Bring me the horizon, getting kicked out, and the guys having the cheek of saying they were gonna sack me anyway, then replacing me with Ex-Escape the fate’s Ronnie Radke, and my reputation, bad press about me in every single magazine, hate forums and websites clogging up the internet and even death threats via email.

Imogen Richardson soon took the position of Rock sound editor in chief, by some severe stroke of luck, rocketing the magazine’s sales into the most they’d ever been in the history of the magazine.

So what do I have left now? Well, I moved back into my parent’s house in Sheffield. They were pretty damn disappointed in me, but they supported me all the same, along with my brother Tom. I did have to go to court in January, but the case was dropped due to lack of evidence. And that was my only ‘fuck you’ I had at that point, to Imogen really. I found, in Rock sound, that she got one of her worker minions to do a small report on how the case was dropped. I reckon that if I was charged, it’d have been the front page story.

I did still speak to Aled and Lizzie, much to Alex’s discontent, but Lizzie was independent enough to tell him she could be friends with whomever she liked. After regaining my confidence after the trial a few months later in April, I moved into Tom’s flat with him and his girlfriend, and started to write some solo stuff in the little studio we built. And, my biggest stroke of luck so far was I received an email from Sonny Moore, explaining that he felt sorry for what happened to me, and wanted to collaborate with me sometime. Which is pretty damn awesome. Aled even said when I get some recording done, he’d take me on tour with him and Kids in glass houses.

The most awful thing is, that Imogen was right. About everything. I do respect what I have more. And in a weird way, I’m happier. She’d taught me a lesson and I’d learned it. My Diamond’s weren’t forever. Maybe one day, I’ll have my Diamonds back. I mean, hell, I’m only 21. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me.