Amazing, Because It Is.

We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by standing in awe of death. -David Sarnoff.

“Hey, can I talk to you a minute?” Collin requested of me, catching my arm as I walked by with Sanchez and Dallas. One look at his dimples, and I was nodding unconsciously. His grin made me all weak in the knees; cliché as it sounded. I was proud of myself – I was still able to feel some sort of appreciation when I saw such a gorgeous boy.

Obviously I would’ve noticed sooner had I been numb to that particular reaction. I mean, I did live with Alex. Well…did being past tense, first of all. And second of all, why was he the one that immediately came to mind when Collin was standing there, grinning at me like I personally hung the moon?

“I think it’s gonna be pretty rad. So, do you wanna go?” he finished his initial sentence, which I greatly wished I would’ve paid attention to in the first place, because now, embarrassingly enough, I had to ask him to repeat himself.

“Where?” I asked sheepishly, laughing softly so that he could tell I hadn’t been ignoring him on purpose. I’d gotten side-tracked.

Yeah, side tracked thinking about the ghost boy who hadn’t come home in a week, who I missed terribly.

Now whose voice was that? Oh yeah, that would be my own mind, running away with itself.

“Just some party this jock is throwing tomorrow night,” he shrugged nonchalantly, like it was no constellation to him whether I agreed to accompany him or not.

But I ended up saying yes, anyway. What better did I have to do? Alex wasn’t going to be home to watch our traditional Saturday night scary movie. Though I would’ve picked him over a party any night, given the chance.

- - -

“Brooklyn, honey, can I have a word with you?” my dad harkened to me as I came in the door, exhausted after one of the few full days of school I’d attended the entire year.

I slipped off my shoes by the door and padded cautiously into the kitchen, joining him at the table and waiting warily for him to say whatever it was he needed to.

“How was school today?” he asked, and as I searched his eyes, I found the question to be a little loaded. My heart skipped a beat. He knew. It was only a matter of time before I got caught, I supposed. You can’t get away with something forever. Eventually it catches up to you.

“Long,” I replied, almost cheekily, almost condescendingly. Had I really just said that? Was I really acting this way towards my own father?

“Listen, Brooke, I understand you’re a teenager, and you need some space for a little rebellion, but if you intend to get into a good college –

‘Far, far away from here,’ I inserted.

“You have to actually go to class,” he sighed, pressing his fingertips gingerly to his temples, apparently at wits end; stressed.

“I will,” I assured him, standing up and deserting the table.

Not only had we accomplished nothing and not only were we entirely unable to hold a casual, coherent, productive conversation with each other – I had lied to him; flat out.

And I had never done that before.

- - -

"We're not into the whole high-school hierarchy thing," Sanchez shrugged a deeply tanned shoulder, casting her choppily layered brown hair off over to one side.

"What we do...is better than all of that he said she said bullshit," Dallas agreed, tipping back Tropicana and cheap vodka. I could smell it; pungent and sweet as well as sharp like rubbing alcohol, stinging my nose.

"It exceeds all of that unnecessary drama, which is just a waste of useful time," Sanchez tipped her head back, tilting her chin towards the sun as it fought its way up onto its thrown, a mess of blinding, breathtaking colors - pinks and oranges and yellows.

"Because we...are like karma, baby," Dallas howled, earning stares from two morning joggers, who appeared to be together, their strides in unison, but their earphones hindering all communication. Wasn't that just the perfect picture of the American way?

"We put these people in their place. 'Cause you know what, doll? In the end - we all get what we deserve," Sanchez beamed, turning her attention back towards the sun. I contemplated whether she looked as menacing as she aimed to appear. Maybe it was just the lack of sleep I'd had, since they'd dragged me out to bid this sunset good morning, or maybe I just really wasn't afraid of her ominous warning. Whatever it was I deserved, it didn't match this existence. Not by a long shot.

What did I have to lose?

Alex clearly wasn't coming back to me. Maybe he'd decided to haunt somewhere more fun, somewhere that would amuse him, somewhere that I wasn’t.

Why was he what I was pinning my existence on?