Amazing, Because It Is.

There are so many little dyings that it doesn't matter which of them is death. - Kenneth Patchen.

I did not expect to wake up in Alex's arms.

Wanted it more than anything, but had no aspirations that it would be so.

All I felt when I opened my eyes that morning was a tremendous sense of peace.

There was no panic, no gripping fear, and no tearing feeling in my heart.

I just smiled and rolled over into the spot where Alex supposedly had been.

There was no trace of him now. No stray hair left on the pillow-case, no scent of his aftershave lingering.

I checked the clock on the nightstand and found something I hadn't expected - a letter.

Brooklyn -

I know this is kind of lame, leaving a letter, but it’s the best I could do. There was still so much left to say. I'm pretty sure we're both straight on where I am right now. I think we both knew, but didn't want to admit it. That's okay, it would've ruined it.

I just wanted to tell you what you already know. You deserve to be able to read it every day though. I had never felt actual love before you, and I'm so thankful to you for showing it to me. I will always love you, no matter what. Know that, if you're ever missing me, wherever I am, I'll be missing you and loving you more than ever.

For now, we can't be together. But some day, a long time from now, we'll meet again. I'm sure of it. Until then, I'm going to chill up here with your brother. He sounds like an awesome guy. I think we're gonna be good friends. We already have something in common - loving you.

Selfishly, I hope you'll never feel the way I feel about you about any other guy. But do move on. You deserve happiness, and there are other guys that can make you happy, no matter how hard that may be to believe. Above all, never lose faith in living. No matter how bad it gets, there is always potential for it to get better. Believe in that. It’s something you taught me.

I sound like some cheesy greeting card, but you need to live out your full life on the earth, even if I can't be there with you. You're only allowed to come to me when it’s your time, you hear? I'll be counting the days though, and I'll be watching you, every step of the way.

As of now, the only thing I regret is not meeting you while I was alive.

I love you, deeply and passionately and completely and crazily.

P.S. you're really good in bed. Just kidding. Well, not really.

- Alex. Fondly known as "Danny Phantom."

Keeping him from heaven just so I didn't have to lose him would've been selfish.

Of course it hurt, but sometimes you just have to let someone go anyway.

Most people think that Lord Alfred Tennyson's quote "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" is just bull. But for me, it was the truest thing I'd ever learned.

The short time I'd been with Alex, I had been sure that he was the one helping me, that he was the one doctoring me so that I could heal old wounds. Now I knew how much I had actually showed him. We instilled in each other a fondness for life that neither of us had previously possessed.

His mission had been to love me, and mine had been to love him back.

Never had I felt so accomplished.