Amazing, Because It Is.

When you lose someone you love, you die too, and you wait around for your body to catch up. - John Scalzi.

The range of my vision was marred by flashing red and blue, distorted horribly by sheets of rain that threw themselves disdainfully down from the firmament, embodying destruction. The silence was nocturnal; tangible. I knew this scene, I was this scene. It was scorched into my memory – it had become me. It had taken over.

I woke with a jolt, sitting up reflexively in bed, pressing a palm flat against my feverishly pounding heart, concentrating on counting the beats, trying in a futile effort to convince them to slow down. I was shaking like a leaf and sweating bullets.

“You alright?”

A hand slipped onto my shoulder and my heart made a violent jump for my throat. I was frozen like a deer in headlights - couldn't scream, couldn't gasp, couldn't move, until my brain caught up and analyzed the voice; the situation.

“How can you touch me?” I whispered, choosing my words less than carefully, since I was still shaken from the nightmare – not to mention surprised to find that I had felt Alex’s hand on my shoulder.

Even in the dark, I could see his eyes widen considerably. I think it had something to do with the urethral glow that seemed to surround him like a full body halo. It was almost…beautiful.

“Uh – I…um, I don’t know,” he stammered apologetically, shrugging and scratching his head. “I tried to steal the, uh, realtor’s toupee, but my hand just went right through him, so…”

“Well…,” I trailed off, pausing for the longest time, searching blindly for something meaningful to say. “Don’t.”

I didn’t expect him to have much to say to such a short remark. He tried to mask his crestfallen expression by cracking a useless joke, but I was oblivious. More importantly, to me, now that I knew that it was Alex whose hand had been on my bare shoulder, my skin was tingling. I really, truly, did not like it.

“Okay, dear. Here’s your schedule, your late pass, and your map…,” the Minnie Mouse voiced receptionist behind the desk chirped, gently handing a stack of papers over into my awaiting hand. The woman looked frail and breakable, like her J. Crew cardigan was weighing too heavily on her petite shoulders. “Oh! Collin, precious lamb, would you mind showing Brooklyn to her next class, please?” my attention was immediately diverted towards ‘Collin’ who was sporting the ‘fresh out of bed messy’ look, – light brown hair and deep blue eyes – a calculating smirk painting his cheeks. It was me he was calculating. I shifted uncomfortably.

“Oh, it’s fine, I’m sure I can find it,” I stumbled uselessly over my words, shaking my head jerkily and attempting to avoid direct eye contact with the admittedly cute Collin. I’d blush furiously, and it would not be considered cute in any way.

“No, no, I insist,” he grinned convincingly, tossing an arm casually over my shoulders, like we were the best of friends. “APUSH first, right?”

APUSH was Advanced Placement U.S. History. I wasn’t a history buff or anything nerdy like that…I just had a really good memory. A blessing and a curse.

“Fucking A, Brooke. I leave you alone for one second and you link up with this douche bag? Come on,” Alex whined pitifully, joining league with me and Collin as I studied my surroundings and Collin babbled on and on about something or nothing.

I bit back a retort, straining terribly to keep from talking to someone that wasn’t even there. I was rescued from such responsibilities by the arrival of our classroom. Collin went first, leading the way, and I was thankful. It gave me time to ‘accidentally’ swing an arm Alex’s way, decking him right across his bony little chest.

“I brought you a new student, Ms. French,” Collin unleashed his winning smile on the fifty-something year-old, knitted sweater wearing teacher, and I almost felt bad for her. She didn’t stand a chance.

“Oh, great,” she smiled softly, with real enthusiasm, and not sarcasm. I was pleasantly surprised. “Brooklyn, right? We’ve been expecting you.” Alright, a little creepy. “You can take a seat in the back, next to Rian.”

‘Rian’, whose brown hair was cut close to his head, and whose Adam’s apple stood out predominantly, raised a middle finger into the air, alerting me of his identity. I checked for Ms. French’s response, and didn’t even see her flinch. Again I was colored by surprise.

“You know, Rian was one of my best friends,” Alex sighed, appearing cross-legged on top of my desk, the one I’d only been sitting in for approximately two point five seconds. I had to clench my fists to keep from gasping and drawing undue attention to myself. “You should get to know him.”

I narrowed my eyes, attempting to pay some sort of attention to what Ms. French was writing on the board. I could clearly see it through Alex, but he was sitting so uncomfortably close to me that it was hard to focus on anything besides the proximity. I really didn’t want him touching me again.

“He doesn’t look very friendly,” I whispered, scanning the rest of the room with my eyes to be absolutely sure that no one was watching the new girl talk to herself.

“He just lost the most amazing person in his life,” Alex explained cockily, scoffing and shaking his head at my ‘callousness.’ “Ah, it’s so good to be back! Well, not particularly, I kind of hated this place…but it’s nice to see Rian. Poor Rian. I guess he can’t see me. What a bummer! Maybe you wouldn’t be such a freak if at least he could see me…then again, I mean –

“Will you shut up?” I hissed more loudly and more venomously than I really should have.

“Who the hell are you talking to?” Rian snapped in an obnoxiously loud tone of voice, not even slightly lowering his volume, intensifying my embarrassment.

I guessed that ‘your dead best friend’ wasn’t really an acceptable response.

Well, this was guaranteed to be an interesting year.