Call Her Bluff

I sat anxiously at the kitchen table, stirring my cereal around the pool of milk slowly. As predicted, I was extremely nervous to see Alex. I wasn’t sure what it was about him that made my stomach churn uncomfortably or my skin heat up, but once waiting for him was over, I was fine. Mia was already gone to school with her friends down the street, and my mom and stepdad were headed to work. The solitude didn’t help my angst.

I kept glancing over at the clock on the stove. I was more concerned about being on time when someone else was giving me a ride, because I wasn’t relying on myself anymore. I tried to focus on my peanut butter cereal that was getting soggy as it sat in the white liquid. A minute that seemed like ten passed by and there were two quick but loud knocks on the front door. I was so startled I nearly knocked my bowl of Captain Crunch into my lap. After setting my breakfast in the sink, I took deep breaths on the way to the door as I slung my backpack over my shoulders.

Alex smiled up at me, taking a step or two forward before resting his lips against mine. It wasn’t anything like the day before at the park, but it still had the same affect. I pulled away with a small smile that was quickly erased and a pink tinge covered my cheeks. The taste and smell of mint coming from his mouth reminded me I had breakfast breath. Thankfully, Alex didn’t catch my grimace.

“You look nice,” he said as he laced his fingers between mine and led me to his car. I glanced down at my outfit, being jeans and a purple V-neck. I giggled and gave his hand a slight squeeze. “Thanks, so do you.”

“Yeah right,” he scoffed, giving the elastic around the waist band of his gym shorts a tug. “I look like I just rolled out of bed.”

“Did you?” I asked. Alex looked at me, squinting his eyes from the bright morning sun behind my head and offered a smug grin. “Kind of. I did a little maintenance work before I left though.”

I nodded and watched as he opened the passenger door for me. He let go of my hand with hesitance and rushed around, but not quick enough that he could catch me pop a mint in my mouth. I calmed down once I was buckled in and we were heading to school.

Alex kept glancing at me along the way and eventually turned the music down so he wouldn’t have to yell over it. “Why do you look so nice, if you don’t mind me asking?” I scrunched my forehead in confusion. “I mean,” he started. “You’re not trying to impress anyone there, are you?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “No, I guess I just don’t want to offend anyone by looking like a mess. Besides, I threw this little ensemble together in like two minutes. I didn’t try very hard with this outfit.”

“And I thought you didn’t care about impressing people,” he said smugly, the teasing grin affecting his tone. I shrugged. “It’s not really for them, it’s more for me.” I watched him nod and he tilted his head a little. “So how are you doing with keeping yourself from getting close to people?”

I smiled to myself and shook my head. “I’m failing miserably.” I could almost feel his sigh of relief slip through his lips when he slid his hand under mine. “I was hoping you’d say that,” he whispered without taking his eyes off the road.

I looked down at our hands and out of instinct, or impulse, I slid my fingers between the spaces of his. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, trying to hide the grin that was pulling violently at his mouth and licked his lips. “Well, have you been trying to resist?”

With a shake of my head and a heavy sigh I replied, “At first, yes. But I’m finding some people to be irresistible.” I didn’t even realize that I was actually talking about Alex until he brought my hand up to his mouth, running his lips across the skin smoothly and I felt my breath slip through my lips, making my lungs feel like they were shriveled. I kind of watched him the rest of the way, like I was hypnotized by him. I literally studied his every move, from the way he gripped the wheel, to the way he smiled at a song he liked and grimaced at a song he didn’t like, to the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed. I hadn’t even noticed we were sitting outside Dulaney until he smiled awkwardly at me.

“You ok?” he asked. I snapped out of my daze, my face flushing to its usual embarrassing red, and I stuttered a few times trying to apologize. I glanced at him and saw the laugh he was trying to keep in. After taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I chuckled quickly and said “I’m sorry.”

Alex shook his head and replied, “You’re ok. I’m picking you up after school, right?”

I nodded quickly. “That was the deal.”

He smiled and leaned over the arm rests, kissing me for a moment. His fingertips traced my cheeks and my hand rested on his chest. He pulled away and winked at me before reaching in his backseat and grabbing my bag. I took it gratefully and opened the door, sliding quickly out. I crouched down before slamming it shut and said, “Thanks for the ride,” with a sweet smile.

“See you this afternoon,” he smiled back. I shut the door and watched him drive away. After his car was out of sight and I started towards the school, I noticed all of the people staring at me. Some looked excited, some shocked, and some looked like they were getting ready to come tell me my grandma had died (you know, the look someone gives you when they know something you don’t and they’re about to tell you, but they know it will kill you). I walked past everyone and hurried to my locker, got my books for my first class and sped to English.

To my dismay, we were doing group work and I was put with two people that couldn’t seem to stand each other as I’d concluded from their constant bickering every day in class. The other guy working with us was almost just as quiet as I was. But once we were sitting in a square-like circle, I noticed they were all watching me. Jake, the quarterback of the football team, smirked at me with his eyebrows raised, clearly amused by something. Austin, the “scene kid” of the class, seemed to be studying me, like he was trying to figure me out. And Claire, the overly-Christian, surely-to-be-valedictorian gave the sympathetic frown. I looked over their faces quickly and glanced down at the worksheet.

“Are you new here?” Jake asked, earning a “Duh” expression from the other two in the group. I nodded and wrote down the answer to one of the questions.

“Obviously she is new here, Jacob,” Claire hissed.

Jake rolled his eyes and muttered, “Shut the hell up, Jesus Freak,” earning himself another glare from Claire. He leaned towards me and I sat up a little. “Are you with Alex Gaskarth?” While the mention of Alex’s name made Jake smile approvingly, it made Austin flinch and Claire cringed. I shook my head slowly and asked in a low voice, “Why?”

“Have you smashed yet?” Jake asked, clearly avoiding my question and my eyes widened in response as I shook my head quickly. Claire’s head snapped in Jake’s direction. “Not that it’s any of your business what she does in her personal life.”

“Claire, why don’t you go read your Bible?” he asked sarcastically, sending her a nasty look to which she responded by clutching onto the cross hanging from the chain around her necklace. “Forgive him,” she whispered, and all three of us rolled our eyes before Jake focused back on me.

“So he hasn’t boned you yet,” he asked, but it sounded like a statement and once again I shook my head.

“It’s only a matter of time I guess,” Austin spoke up for the first time. I put my pen down and shut the textbook and looked across the three faces sitting across from me. “What are you guys talking about?”

“You really have no idea?” Jake asked, to which I sighed heavily in response and shook my head. Austin licked his lips before leaning closer to me. “Alex Gaskarth is, like, a legend here at Dulaney.”

Claire scoffed and flipped a page in her book. “More like disgrace.”

“A legend?” I asked, earning nods from Austin and Jake. “How? Because of his band?”

Jake chuckled, “That helped him out I guess. You see, Alex Gaskarth was pretty much the most popular guy during his last two years here. He knew how to get the girls. Hell he didn’t even have to try! Seriously! They just came to him-“ he stopped and smiled, earning a look of disgust from me as I grasped the unintentional double meaning. “But he’d get ‘em to like him with his music and poetry shit, and then he’d fuck ‘em and send ‘em packing. He’s like, a role model to every guy that has ever stepped foot in this school.”

“The sad part is,” Claire interrupted, “even though all the girls knew about his ways, they still lined up to be with him. Girls are still talking about what they would do to get a chance with him. He’s a disgusting person and every boy that looks up to him deserves to go to hell.”

“That’s not a very Christian thing to say,” Jake mocked.

“But, really, he knew how to love them and leave them. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s a role model, but he’s definitely well known, and his story is passed on every year,” Austin said.

Jake nodded. “Even the girls that weren’t into one night stands would somehow get with him. He’d start off with that lovey-dovey shit like kissing and holding hands and just hanging out- normal stuff that you would see at the beginning of a relationship.” I gulped. “Then he’d keep adding on more stuff like pet names and shit and he’d tell them he loved them just so they’d have sex with him, then he’d come up with some excuse why he couldn’t be in a relationship with them and bail. The dude was a genius.”

All I could do was breathe, and even that was hard. I didn’t feel like crying. I didn’t feel sick. I just felt numb. Everything was sinking in. I wasn’t mad, or sad. I just didn’t feel anything. I looked up and saw the teacher walking towards us and I sat up a bit. “Mr. Burns?” He raised his eyebrows to acknowledge me. “May I go to the bathroom?” He nodded and I quickly collected all of my things, slinging my backpack over my shoulder as I practically ran from the room and I barely heard Jake ask if he could have the answers to the questions I’d gotten before I left.

I exited the school and began walking home. I didn’t care that it would probably take me a few hours to do so. I didn’t want to see Alex at the end of the day. Every time I thought about the nice things he’d done for me, Jake’s voice echoed in my ears: “Just to have sex with them.” I couldn’t blame Alex though. It was my fault because I didn’t really take the time to get to know his past- every time we talked it was mainly about me. I should have just listened to myself when I said not to get close to anyone. Now, leaving something behind was the least of my worries. My main focus was protecting my heart from being broken.