Blooming

The following morning I was released from the hospital. My parents and Karen were out bringing the car around front while Darren lay on my hospital bed, remote in hand, flickering through the shortage of channels on the TV. Riley and Lucy had left early to get ready for school.
I glanced up from doing my make up in the mirror, located just below the TV, to the clock; 9:35am. Class had already started.
“Why do you even put that stuff on?” I heard Darren ask. It took a moment before I realized he meant my make up.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The make up. You don’t need it.” he said seriously.
“Shows what you know,” I scoffed.
I looked out the mirror image to see him staring at me through it, completely taking his attention off the television he was so engrossed in just moments before.
“Can you really not see?” he said, eyes wide, expression serious.
For an awkward moment we simply stared at each other through the mirror until I couldn’t take it anymore.
I cleared my throat nervously and finished putting on the rest of my eyeliner. Once done, I took my chances sitting down on the bed next to him, trying to figure out what he was watching. At the moment it was a shampoo commercial.
“What’s on?” I asked, knowing full well the answer.
“Absolutely nothing,” he replied, defeated, turning off the TV.
Again, there was a long, awkward pause.
“How long does it take to pull the car around?” I complained staring at the clock and getting up to look out the window.
“Actually,” I heard Darren say nervously. “I told your parents I would take you to school.”
Suddenly, I could feel my cheeks turning red with fury.
“Why? So you could get a little face time with me? I’m tired of you and Riley constantly putting me on the spot!” I yelled, walking towards the door.
“Savannah” Darren yelled getting up from his seat on the bed. He grabbed my hand and spun me around.
“Let go.” I said firmly but he refused.
“I just want to talk to you,” he pleaded.
“Shut up, Darren. Just shut up. I don’t want to talk to you.” I spat.
“Savannah, please, you’re going to have to listen to me sometime.”
“And what makes you think that?”
He looked down at the bulge in my stomach that I’d almost forgotten we shared.
“Just hear me out, okay?” he begged. It was nearly impossible to stay mad at him with that look on his face but somehow I managed.
“No,” I yelled. “Don’t tell me you still want to be with me, don’t tell me that you love me, don’t feed me any of your crap, Darren. You had me. You could’ve had me forever if you wanted, but you gave me up.”
By now, I was fighting tears as emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time started to resurface.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, a confused but still angry look on his face.
“What do you mean what am I talking about? ‘I can’t do this anymore, Savannah. I just can’t.’” I said quoting him word for word.
I remembered that late September night so well. My parents had gone out to eat and Darren was coming over to hang out at the house, as he did most nights. I’d spent forever primping and getting the house ready. And when I finally heard the doorbell ring, I was overcome with excitement. Such a small occasion, simply hanging out, could feel like the biggest deal in the world to me when it came to Darren.
“Hey,” I’d said when I’d opened the door. But when I reached up to kiss him, he pulled away just a little.
“Come in,” I told him, trying not to think much of it. I took hold of his hand, so much bigger than my own, and tried to lead him inside. But, again, he pulled away.
“We need to talk, Sav.” were the first words he said.
“About what?” I asked, nervous now.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, bringing his hand to his forehead.
“Darren,”
Anther deep breath.
“I can’t do this anymore, Savannah. I just can’t. I’m sorry.” And those were the words that crushed my soul, made my whole world fall apart. Even as I thought back to it now, I could still feel my heart break again.
“You didn’t want to be with me,” Darren said, waking me from the flashback. He said it almost like a question.
“What are you talking about? Of course I wanted to be with you. Or did you happen to miss one of my various breakdowns?”
Now, he released my arm and sat back down on the bed looking as though he might faint.
“Carla....” he said, drearily, as though he was caught in his own flashback.
“Yes, Darren; Carla. The girl you just couldn’t be without, the girl that I was dumped on my butt for. Little Miss Perfect--”
He stopped my rant.
“She told me you hated me. ‘She’s just using you for your popularity, Darren.’ She told me you talked to everybody all the time about how much you couldn’t stand me but how it was worth it because now you were somebody.”
I couldn’t have been more furious. At Darren, of all people.
“And you BELIEVED her?!” I shouted. Making my way over to the bed and taking a seat next to him. “You really are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, a short laugh escaping his lips without a smile to match it. “I really am.”
I took a deep breath and all my anger had already seemed to melt away. Now, it all made sense.
And yet none of it did.
“So if it weren’t for Carla, we’d still be together.”
Both of us stared at the floor as though it were the answer to our problems.
“Yeah, we guess we would be.”
It was all that I had not to breakdown again right there in front of him. Suddenly, I wished that Carla hadn’t existed. I wished that there was only Darren and me, eliminating one more life changing choice I would have to make. But, then again, I couldn’t picture life without Riley in it.
So, instead of letting my mind wander, I simply lay my head on Darren’s shoulder and let the world pass by us for a little while. And as soon as he placed his head on mine, I felt a slight nudge in my stomach though I couldn’t tell if it was our son, or simply the butterflies that came whenever I was with him.