Fragments of a Broken Mind
Chapter 14
Frank and I leapt up instantly to grab my mother while Ray tugged Gerard out of her reach. She spun and lashed out at me instead then, her hand connecting sharply with my cheek, “I always knew your gay behaviour would rub off but I never expected him to turn like this.”
“I told you that being gay doesn’t rub off,” I said coldly, rubbing my cheek, “Gee is gay and that has nothing to do with me.”
“Nothing to do with you? Seriously? Michael, he declares feelings for you, his own brother, so how is that nothing to do with you?” she glared at me, her arms now pinned to her side by Frank, “Are you so deeply perverted that the idea of incest doesn’t sicken you?”
“You don’t chose who you love mother.” I said although I knew that I hadn’t answered her question, “anyway, what I think doesn’t matter as this about what Gee is thinking. We have him back and for that reason I am grateful,” I turned and went to Gerard and enveloped him in a hug, “I would support him no matter what.”
Gerard hugged me in return, “I… Thank you for what you did when I needed you but I don’t want your brand of help now mother. I think you should go now.”
She looked at the two of us locked in a tight embrace and made a noise of disapproval, “like I want to stay here and witness the depths of depravity that you two are likely to sink to,” she shrugged herself free of Frank’s hold and pushed him so hard that he fell over. “It’s your entire fault!” she screamed at him, “it was all fine until you showed up with your homosexual ways and turned my son gay,” she kicked him harshly and he howled. “Now look at what has become of my other son!” she kicked him again, “you ruined this family!”
I ran to Frank and Gerard darted to hold our mother, “if anyone ruined this family it was you with rejection,” he said slowly and deliberately, “now you have definitely outstayed your welcome so…,” he manhandled her to the door and pushed her outside, “goodbye mother,” he slammed the door and Ray went to his side as he sank down the wall. “Déjà vu!” he muttered.
Frank coughed and sat up in my arms, “I should have expected that.”
I held him, “so should I and stayed by your side, I am so sorry sugar,” I kissed his lips and tightened my grip, “I put myself before you and I shouldn’t have.”
Frank blinked at me, “how do you work that out?”
“I wanted to win over her,” I sighed, “but as usual she beat me and hurt you.”
“She lashed out at me because I was there and she blames me for losing you… both of you it seems,” he stroked my arm, “she would have done it if you were next to me babe. Just forget about her and move on. We have done it once before.”
“We did yes and we know we can. Nothing has changed really.”
“Everything has changed,” Gerard said as he walked though to stand before us, “before I was just a brother but now I have a dark side that can shatter your world as much as it did mine. I… I can’t be here and Ray has agreed that I can go to stay with him.”
I started to shake my head, “Gee you can’t…”
“Mikey, please, I have to do this. I am not running away and I won’t be far,” he reached down and grabbed my hand, “I am not running away,” he repeated.
Frank continued to stroke my arm, “whatever you think is for the best Gee, you know you always have our support.”
Gerard smiled at him and then, for the second time, I watched him walk out of the house. Again I buried my face in my boyfriend’s chest and sobbed as feelings of loss overtook me.
“I told you that being gay doesn’t rub off,” I said coldly, rubbing my cheek, “Gee is gay and that has nothing to do with me.”
“Nothing to do with you? Seriously? Michael, he declares feelings for you, his own brother, so how is that nothing to do with you?” she glared at me, her arms now pinned to her side by Frank, “Are you so deeply perverted that the idea of incest doesn’t sicken you?”
“You don’t chose who you love mother.” I said although I knew that I hadn’t answered her question, “anyway, what I think doesn’t matter as this about what Gee is thinking. We have him back and for that reason I am grateful,” I turned and went to Gerard and enveloped him in a hug, “I would support him no matter what.”
Gerard hugged me in return, “I… Thank you for what you did when I needed you but I don’t want your brand of help now mother. I think you should go now.”
She looked at the two of us locked in a tight embrace and made a noise of disapproval, “like I want to stay here and witness the depths of depravity that you two are likely to sink to,” she shrugged herself free of Frank’s hold and pushed him so hard that he fell over. “It’s your entire fault!” she screamed at him, “it was all fine until you showed up with your homosexual ways and turned my son gay,” she kicked him harshly and he howled. “Now look at what has become of my other son!” she kicked him again, “you ruined this family!”
I ran to Frank and Gerard darted to hold our mother, “if anyone ruined this family it was you with rejection,” he said slowly and deliberately, “now you have definitely outstayed your welcome so…,” he manhandled her to the door and pushed her outside, “goodbye mother,” he slammed the door and Ray went to his side as he sank down the wall. “Déjà vu!” he muttered.
Frank coughed and sat up in my arms, “I should have expected that.”
I held him, “so should I and stayed by your side, I am so sorry sugar,” I kissed his lips and tightened my grip, “I put myself before you and I shouldn’t have.”
Frank blinked at me, “how do you work that out?”
“I wanted to win over her,” I sighed, “but as usual she beat me and hurt you.”
“She lashed out at me because I was there and she blames me for losing you… both of you it seems,” he stroked my arm, “she would have done it if you were next to me babe. Just forget about her and move on. We have done it once before.”
“We did yes and we know we can. Nothing has changed really.”
“Everything has changed,” Gerard said as he walked though to stand before us, “before I was just a brother but now I have a dark side that can shatter your world as much as it did mine. I… I can’t be here and Ray has agreed that I can go to stay with him.”
I started to shake my head, “Gee you can’t…”
“Mikey, please, I have to do this. I am not running away and I won’t be far,” he reached down and grabbed my hand, “I am not running away,” he repeated.
Frank continued to stroke my arm, “whatever you think is for the best Gee, you know you always have our support.”
Gerard smiled at him and then, for the second time, I watched him walk out of the house. Again I buried my face in my boyfriend’s chest and sobbed as feelings of loss overtook me.