Fragments of a Broken Mind
Chapter 4
*TIME ELAPSE*
“Mummy!” Gerard screamed in the night and woke me with a start. He was having nightmares now but he wouldn’t tell me about them. All he did was call out to Mum and then cry when she didn’t come. I tried to sooth him and lie and give excuses for her. I knew deep down that he didn’t believe me but then I wasn’t being honest with him. I sighed now and opened my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness.
Beside me Frank rubbed my arm, “did you want me to go?” he asked, his warm breath tickling my neck. “You don’t have to explain she isn’t coming night after night. I can tell him for you.”
I looked at my boyfriend and pecked his lips, “thanks Frank but I think it should be me who goes,” I leaned in for a hug which I got, “I was never there for him in the past and he was always there for me.”
“He didn’t need looking after in the past, you need to get off this guilt trip babe,” Frank stroked my cheek, “you know that’s not what Bob meant.”
“But he was right,” I countered as I slid from the bed. “Now my brother needs me.”
“He does now but…,” he began.
“Mummy!” Gerard shrieked with urgency, panic filling his voice.
“Coming!” I yelled as I ran from the room into Gerard’s. He was sitting up in bed and when I got inside he was staring, wild eyed. I got to his side and pulled him into my arms. “It’s OK Gee-Gee, I am here for you,” I stroked his hair which was slightly damp with sweat, “shush now, it was just a dream.”
“Mummy?” he whispered.
I shook my head and he wriggled from my arms to look at me, the unasked question in his eyes. I sighed, “she doesn’t live here Gee-Gee.”
“But I need her!”
“I know you do but…,” I stumbled trying to think of a reason, “Mummy is very busy right now and she can’t come over.”
Gerard stared at me and then his face crumpled and he began to cry. My heart broke for him as it had done every night this week. I held back my own tears as I reached to hold and then cradle him against me. He clung to me and sobbed nosily, “why doesn’t she like me?” he wailed.
I wish I knew an answer to tell him. Instead I gripped him tightly against me, “I… Oh, it’s not you Gee-Gee,” a few tears dripped down my face, “It isn’t you,” I repeated.
“I can’t take this anymore,” Frank announced from the doorway. I don’t know how long he had been there. He walked over and sat on the bed behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned back against him with Gerard in my arms, “it is high time something was done about this.”
I looked back and up at him, “what do you mean?”
“It’s breaking you two that she isn’t here. Something needs to happen to help you two and if that means getting her here then we need to do it.”
“Frank, she won’t come…,” my voice trailed away as I looked down at my brother who was staring up at Frank with hope and expectancy, “you can’t go though sugar she won’t listen to you.”
“Why?” Gerard asked innocently.
“Ah… long story Gee-Gee… too long for tonight,” his fingers rubbed at my sides, “don’t worry about me babe… let me do all the worrying,” he leaned back so the three of us were lying down on the bed. “Now, let’s all sleep here shall we?”
I did exactly as I was told and drifted into sleep.
“Mummy!” Gerard screamed in the night and woke me with a start. He was having nightmares now but he wouldn’t tell me about them. All he did was call out to Mum and then cry when she didn’t come. I tried to sooth him and lie and give excuses for her. I knew deep down that he didn’t believe me but then I wasn’t being honest with him. I sighed now and opened my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness.
Beside me Frank rubbed my arm, “did you want me to go?” he asked, his warm breath tickling my neck. “You don’t have to explain she isn’t coming night after night. I can tell him for you.”
I looked at my boyfriend and pecked his lips, “thanks Frank but I think it should be me who goes,” I leaned in for a hug which I got, “I was never there for him in the past and he was always there for me.”
“He didn’t need looking after in the past, you need to get off this guilt trip babe,” Frank stroked my cheek, “you know that’s not what Bob meant.”
“But he was right,” I countered as I slid from the bed. “Now my brother needs me.”
“He does now but…,” he began.
“Mummy!” Gerard shrieked with urgency, panic filling his voice.
“Coming!” I yelled as I ran from the room into Gerard’s. He was sitting up in bed and when I got inside he was staring, wild eyed. I got to his side and pulled him into my arms. “It’s OK Gee-Gee, I am here for you,” I stroked his hair which was slightly damp with sweat, “shush now, it was just a dream.”
“Mummy?” he whispered.
I shook my head and he wriggled from my arms to look at me, the unasked question in his eyes. I sighed, “she doesn’t live here Gee-Gee.”
“But I need her!”
“I know you do but…,” I stumbled trying to think of a reason, “Mummy is very busy right now and she can’t come over.”
Gerard stared at me and then his face crumpled and he began to cry. My heart broke for him as it had done every night this week. I held back my own tears as I reached to hold and then cradle him against me. He clung to me and sobbed nosily, “why doesn’t she like me?” he wailed.
I wish I knew an answer to tell him. Instead I gripped him tightly against me, “I… Oh, it’s not you Gee-Gee,” a few tears dripped down my face, “It isn’t you,” I repeated.
“I can’t take this anymore,” Frank announced from the doorway. I don’t know how long he had been there. He walked over and sat on the bed behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned back against him with Gerard in my arms, “it is high time something was done about this.”
I looked back and up at him, “what do you mean?”
“It’s breaking you two that she isn’t here. Something needs to happen to help you two and if that means getting her here then we need to do it.”
“Frank, she won’t come…,” my voice trailed away as I looked down at my brother who was staring up at Frank with hope and expectancy, “you can’t go though sugar she won’t listen to you.”
“Why?” Gerard asked innocently.
“Ah… long story Gee-Gee… too long for tonight,” his fingers rubbed at my sides, “don’t worry about me babe… let me do all the worrying,” he leaned back so the three of us were lying down on the bed. “Now, let’s all sleep here shall we?”
I did exactly as I was told and drifted into sleep.