Fragments of a Broken Mind

She didn’t stay long that night which was a relief because seeing her had done little but make me an emotional wreck. I went with her to the door where she again reminded me that I was the problem and that I was a disappointment. She pointed out that she was here because Gerard needed her to be and not because of me. I was actually glad of that although she obviously enjoyed using her time here to twist the knife so to speak in me. I tried to let it all wash over me as Frank had suggested but I found that I just couldn’t. It hurt.

I shuffled my feet, “I hope you were nicer to Gerard when you told him that Dad isn’t here anymore,” is all I could say as her every remark hit home so I was screaming inside.

She paused, “I haven’t told him yet, he has enough damage done probably from living with faggots!” I looked away, feeling the anger burn at my cheeks but I managed to stay silent. “Anyway, he is scared of losing his parents so finding out he has in fact lost one will not do him any good. In fact living with you and him is unhealthy for him while he is vulnerable. If you turn him I will strike Michael so be warned.”

“His name is Frank!” I ground out through gritted teeth, “we won’t change him Mother because being gay doesn’t work like that,” I tossed my hair and looked her in the eyes, “Gerard is staying here with us; don’t even think that you might be able to change that.”

She smiled sweetly, “Maybe we should ask Gerard where he wants to be,” she said icily and then she paused so that what she said could have an effect.

He would want to go to her and that tore me apart as I knew that she would prevent me from seeing him. I just pushed her from the house and slammed the door. I heard her triumphant laugh as I stumbled back to the front room and into Frank’s arms, “she is going to take him away!” I wailed as the tears began to fall.

Frank manoeuvred us so that we were on the sofa and he could cradle me, “I am sure she won’t be able to.”

I snuggled into him and gulped a swallow, “she is going to ask him to go and he… he will go and I won’t see him again.”

He kissed me then, running his tongue along my lip. I relaxed against him although I was still panicking slightly about losing Gerard and he knew it. He raised his head and moved a hand to stroke my hair, “Gerard won’t be kept from you no matter what his state of mind.”

“I don’t want him to go.”

“If she asks and he goes then we can’t stop him. Mikey he needs her and she might be able to help find out what went wrong,” he rubbed at my temples and kissed my forehead, “we can’t deny him anything to make him better.”

I was being selfish again so I sighed and gave a small nod, “I guess you are right and we should just have faith in Gerard.”

“Gee-Gee,” Gerard corrected me as he skipped into the room. He looked at me then ran over, concerned, “Mikes? You are crying; does something hurt?” he offered his arms and I leant into his embrace and held him gently.

“Nothing is hurt Gee-Gee, don’t you worry,” I rubbed his arm and sat back.

“I am going to get us all a drink. Co-co all right for you Gee-Gee?” Gerard nodded and as Frank got up he sat next to me. Frank smiled and went to the kitchen.

Gerard cuddled into me, “If you’re not in pain why do you cry?”

I sighed and turned to hold him, “Not all pain can be seen,” I mumbled.

He cocked his head, “then how can I kiss it better?” he asked. Before I could answer he met my lips with his own in a soft kiss.