Make Me Wanna Die

I remember every detail from last night. The aching in my lower body only reminds me fuller. Whimpering as I struggled to my feet, I made my way to my closet. I reached in and grabbed my navy blue skinny jeans and an overly large grey hoodie. After putting on my undergarments and a tank top I pulled on my jeans, converse, and hoodie. I threw my hair up into a messy bun, covering my face in foundation to hide the bruises.

I grabbed my iPod off its dock then made my way out the door and down the stairs. Sir was snoring in the next room. Typical. I quickly walked out the door, closing it quietly behind me and heading for school, another day in my own personal hell.

******************Homeroom*****************

I slumped into my seat at the back of the room, tossing my backpack to the floor. Avoiding everyone as if my life depended upon it. Lowering my head onto the desk as I pulled my hood up. I used my arms as pillows resting my head upon them. There was a sudden tap on my shoulder that caused me to cry out and sit up in my seat. I could feel my eyes bugging out of my skull as I looked for the cause of my sudden fright. And of course. Who else but Nick. The look that crossed his face was hard to describe. Almost concerned. No not concerned. No one cares about me. No one.

"Hey are you alright?" No I’m not alright. Do I look like I'm alright? Didn't think so.
"I'm fine. You just scared me that’s all." He didn't act like he believed me. I probably wouldn't either.
"Uh huh. Anyways, about that rain check." Rain check? I guess the look on my face explained my confusion. "You know, for the ice cream?" Oh. That rain check.
"What about it?"
"How about we go after school today?"
"I don't think I can. Sorry"
"Oh come on. Please? Like I said, it'll be my treat."
Have I stated how annoying this boy is? Well I repeat, he could make a nun swear. Oh and of course he just had to use his pleading look. The one that made him look so pitifully sad that you just can't resist.
"Fine. One hour and I'm going home. That's it."
"Sweet!" I just shot a glare his way before slumping down in my seat once again. Closing my eyes and trying to pretend I did not just agree to go somewhere with this boy.

*************************After School***********************

"There you are. I was starting to think you bailed on me or something." Oh believe me. It crossed my mind more than once. Nick was leaning against the side of the school and listening to an iPod. I lightly took the iPod from his hand, trying my best not to pay attention to the odd spark that flew throughout my body when my hand brushed his. I glanced at the screen before seeing what bands he listened to. Surprisingly most were the same ones I had on my iPod. Though a few I had never heard of.
"You have good taste in music." That's all that left my mouth as I tossed it back to him as we walked out of the parking lot.
"Why thank you ma'am. Glad I have your approval."
"Smartass."
"Well I'm not the only one now. Am I?" And there was that stupid smirk again.
"I'm not a smartass. I'm sarcastic. There's a difference."
"Ha ha. So what's with the hoodie? It's like 85 degrees out today." Oh believe me I've noticed. I'm the one roasting to death.
"Nothing. I'm just always cold."
"Uh huh. I see. Anyways. What's your favorite band?"
"Paramore. But Three Days Grace and Avenged Sevenfold are right up the too. Yours?" We were walking along the street now.
"All Time Low. But those are my other tops too."
"All Time Low is pretty amazing. Stella and Lost in Stereo are my favorites by them."
"Mine is Weightless. Who's your favorite rapper?"
"Eminem. Duh."
"Absolutely. Favorite Color?"
"Black, white, and red. Yours?"
"Black and Green. Favorite type of movie?"
"Horror and action."
"No romance? Sheesh you sure you're a female?" I smacked his chest as he said that.
"Jerk. Guess you'll never know for sure huh?" With my own little smirk I walked into the ice cream shop. Nick chuckled as he walked to the counter.
"What kind do you want?"
"I don’t know. Surprise me."
"Ok. You go find seats. I'll be over when it's done." I then left to go find a table, preferably a corner booth by the window. After finding the perfect one I slid in. Pulling out my iPod and putting in one headphone so I could still hear. I let my mind wander as I stared out the window. Still unable to get over the fact that I was actually here. Sir would kill me if he found out. Was this worth it? At the moment, I don't know.

"Here you go madam. One mint chocolate chip for you, and a cotton candy for me." Wow those both happen to be my favorite kinds of ice cream. Weird.
"Thanks."
"No problem mademoiselle." I picked up my spoon and licked the ice cream off of it, twirling it as I began speaking.
"So I was just wondering but, why are you so intent on being around me? I don't get it." I thought I saw the faint hint of a blush on his cheeks but it was gone before I could be sure. He slowly ate a bite of his cotton candy ice cream before answering.
"I don't really know. I guess I find you intriguing. I want to get to know you."
"Oh well there really isn't much to know about me. I'm really rather boring"
"I don't believe that. There's just something about you. I can see it in the way you act and in your face." What is with this kid? I turned to look out the window, trying to get a handle on my emotions. I just didn't know what to think.
"Believe me, it's nothing you want to know. I can promise you that." Isn’t that the truth.
"And that's where you're wrong. If I didn't want to know, we wouldn't be here."
"Well it's not like I'm going to tell anyone even if that were true. We all have our secrets." Mine is just a very very large one.

We continued eating our ice cream. The silence making me uncomfortable. Well not so much the silence, but the fact that he was staring at me, studying me. As if he could read every detail about me, from my past and present. It was making me very uncomfortable.
"Could you please stop that?" I was starting to fidget so I finally spoke up.
"Stop what?"
"Staring at me, it's not going to tell you my secrets you know." He looked away slowly, glancing out the window as he spoke.
"You know you can trust me don't you?" Ah trust. I don't trust anyone, not even myself.
"Sure, sure. I know." I still don't trust you.
"Seriously. You can trust me. If you need anything, anyone to talk to. I'll be there." I couldn't handle looking into his eyes any longer, so I turned to the window. Unable to respond.

I could hear the laughter of the people around me. The joy in their voices. I wish I could have that, but obviously I am not worthy. I am undeserving of everything.
"Hey are you alright?" I looked back at Nick, confused as to what he was talking about. That is until he reached over and wiped away a tear. I didn't know I was crying.
"Y..yea I'm fine. I..I just..I..I have to go."
"I'll walk with you. It's not like I have anything better to do." I wanted to say no, but I have a pretty good feeling he wouldn't have listened anyways. Sighing as he began walking with me to the door, I got the odd sensation this kid would not give up. That didn't mean I was going to give in.

We were quiet as we walked down the street. It was almost a comfortable silence. Almost. Silence doesn't bother me. In fact I quite like it. It's a nice break from the yelling and screaming. As we turned onto my street he gave me a weird look.
"You live here?"
"For about 18 years now."
"Oh. Well I live here too. What house do you live in?" I glanced towards my house and just by chance, at the house next to mine. Which happened to have a moving truck in the driveway. No way. This can't be happening. My god, what awful luck I have. I slowly pointed towards my house.
"The white one with the green trim."
"No way. We're neighbors!" Perfect.
"That's awesome." I tried to fake some enthusiasm. "Well, bye then" I quickly walked through my door. Not giving him the chance to reply. Shutting the door behind me, I leaned into it for support. This is just perfect. Not only does he want to 'get to know me', but he just so happens to be my next door neighbor. What else could go wrong?

Everything. That's what could go wrong. Aside from the fact that sir was home early, it was just by chance that he had been standing in the kitchen. Looking out the window where he could see Nick. And he was angry. Very angry.
"Who the hell was that?! You stupid slut! I knew you were a whore but that doesn’t mean you can go sleep around with every fucking male you come into contact with!"
"Sir I didn't do anything with him. I swear! We were just talking. Please, I promise we didn't do anything." I could feel the tears coming to my eyes as I pleaded with him to believe me.
"You fucking dirty liar! You're a fucking slut, you worthless piece of shit!" Tears were running down my face as he yelled these words to me. "If I ever see you with him again, I'll kill you. Do you understand me whore?!"
"Yes." That is if I don't do it first. My scalp felt like it was on fire as he yanked on my hair with full force. Tilting my head back to where it was all I could do to stand. I cried out in pain as he continued pulling, his hot breath reeked of booze as he began speaking through clenched teeth and wrapped his fingers around my throat.
"Yes what?"
"Yes Sir. I understand." I was gasping for air when he finally let go of my hair and neck, only to feel him knee me in the back. This caused me to lose my balance and fall face first to the floor. Then the kicking began. I curled up in a ball the best I could. My face was buried in my arms, but that didn’t protect the rest of me. I could feel glass slicing into my skin from the beer bottle that he threw at me.

With one final swift kick to the head, everything went black.