Undeniably In Denial

A couple days after my dad’s blow up, my mom called me on my cell phone. “Reese?” she asked when I picked up.

“Yea,”

Duh, who else would it be?

“Are you doing okay honey?”

“Well, yea, as good as I can, I guess. I never realized how much of an a-hole my own father was until he made it clear that hated me,”

“He doesn’t hate you, Reese,”

“Oh really? It sure sounded like he did when he called me a faggot and kicked me out,” I snarled, sitting down on Camron’s front porch steps. “That sure didn’t make it seem like he liked me any.”

“He still loves you…he was just shocked is all,”

“What, so now you’re defending him?” I couldn’t believe her! Could she seriously be doing that?

“No, I’m just -”

“Telling me that he’s not as big of a ass as he seems? Telling me that I shouldn’t be angry with him for kicking me out? Saying that he doesn’t hate me and that he actually loves me? Pointing out that even though he did kick me out, at least he didn’t beat on me or disown me? Telling me that this isn’t as bad as it seems? Saying that if I just hadn’t come out in the first place, none of this would have happened? Because you’re wrong. He is that much of an ass. I should be pissed at him. He might not hate me but he sure doesn’t love me - he made that quite clear. He may not have beat me or anything like that but it feels like he did. It is worse that it seems. And this still would have happened if I didn’t come out to him. Because he probably would have seen something or heard it from someone else instead of me telling him. And that would have been way worse of an outcome. So you know what, mother? Goodbye!” I closed my phone and just laid down on the step I was sitting on. I really couldn’t believe that my mom was defending him like that. But I also never expected myself to like guys, and here I am laying on my boyfriend’s front porch.

Laying there, I found myself so deep in thought that I barely even noticed when it started snowing on me. I was hardly even feeling cold, even though it was the middle of December in northern New Jersey. When I finally did notice the snow, though, it made me realized that it was four days until Christmas and I was currently not on speaking terms with my parents. Back at my house, we already had our tree up and decorated, along with most of the presents underneath it. Camron’s family had theirs all done up also, (and I couldn’t help but notice that there were a couple things underneath it with my name on them, even though I told them that they didn’t have to get me anything). But my dad currently hates me and I just yelled at my mom and hung up on her. I doubt there would be much joy in that Christmas celebration.

I was still really lost in my thoughts when I heard the door open and close. I looked up to see Mrs. Dole pulling her coat on the rest of the way as she walked over towards me. Only then, did I realized that I had been crying ever so slightly. I wiped a tear away and looked up at the woman with a huge, open heart who was sitting next to me. She didn’t even say anything; she just opened her arms for a hug, which I gladly took, and started rubbing my shoulder like any good mother would do to comfort their child (even though I wasn’t her child).

“I’m so sorry, honey,” she cooed, speaking just loud enough for the two of us to hear. “I wish I could do something to make this any easier on you, but I know I can’t.”

“You’re helping just by being here for me. All of you are,”

“I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I didn’t do at least something to help you, Reese,” she said, brushing some hair out of my eyes. “This is such a horrible thing to have to go through. I can’t even imagine what it must be like. Especially so close to the holidays.” I just nodded; I didn’t really know what to say. “Does your family usually do anything big for Christmas?”

“Well, not really between my parents and me, but on Christmas day, my aunt Judith sort of goes all out with a really big tree, lots of presents, and a huge dinner. Everyone in the family goes unless they’re out of town or something like that. I didn’t think about this before, but I don’t know if I’m going to go or not. Everyone would be asking about me, I’m sure, if I don’t go, but I don’t want to have to deal with my dad,” I explained, still slumped over in her arms.

“How bout this? You have Christmas with us in the morning and then you and Cam go to your aunt’s and just not pay attention to your parents? If your dad starts anything, just make an excuse to leave, yea? I’m sure your family will understand. And when you get back, we’ll have a little Christmas movie marathon,” she proposed. “We usually do that anyways.”

“I’d really like that, Kathy. Thank you,” I said, turning to give her a proper hug. “But, uh, speaking of Camron, where is he? I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

“I think he’s taking a nap in the living room. I swear, that boy could sleep all day and still want to take a nap later on,” she chuckled, her brown eyes twinkling like the snow falling around us. It’s easy to see where Camron gets his looks from when you look at his parents. They’re both gorgeous people, and even his little sister inherited their looks. The whole family was just freaking beautiful.

When I told Camron that later on, he just scoffed and said, “Well, I think you’re a little biased there, being my boyfriend and all.”

“Hmm, what’s included in that ‘and all’?” I asked, smirking seductively at him.

He laughed at me in return and whispered, “I think you know,” before attacking my lips with his.



“Oh my god,” I mumbled as I pulled into the driveway of my Aunt Judith’s on Christmas day. “I can’t believe them.”

“What? What’d they do now?”

“They took my car,”

“I thought this was your car,”

“Well, yea, it is. But so is that one,”

“You have two cars? Damn, you guys really are loaded,” he laughed.

“Well, I’m not allowed to have it until I graduate. But it’s still mine; my name’s on the insurance policy as the only driver, so if one of them got in an accident while driving it, they wouldn’t be covered. I’m pretty sure my name’s on the lease too, so they just overall shouldn’t be driving it,”

“God, it still gets me that you’re a year younger than me, but a year ahead of me academically. But anyways, why did they get you the car so early? There’s still a half a year of school left before you graduate,”

“I swear they did it just to taunt me with it. That thing has been in the garage since before I got my license, or even this car,”

“That makes no sense,”

“You’re telling me? Yea, it never made any sense to me either, but they apparently had some sort of logic to it. Either that or they’re just evil little monkeys, which I’m starting to believe more and more these days,”

“Evil little monkeys?” he asked, starting to laugh really hard.

“Yes, evil little monkeys. That’s what they are,”

“Whatever you say, hun,” he chuckled, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his door. “Come on, let’s deal with them later and just have some Christmas fun.”

“And let’s hope there’s no serious drama about to start,” I sighed, getting out of the car

Camron and I were some of the last ones there, so when we walked in the door, everyone else was eating. It’s not like it’s a super big deal that we came during dinner, because everyone just eats in the living room. And really, its more like late lunch, or early dinner, since we eat at about 3:30, 4:00. I made sure we got there around three, but I guess I didn’t get the memo, because that’s when we were eating this year.

As I led Camron through the coat room and into the kitchen, I thought to myself what I would say to anyone that asked about him. Was I ready to come out to my whole family yet? Especially after my dad flipped out like he did? Oh well, I thought, I don’t really care anymore about what they think.

When we got noticed, we were attacked. My aunt Judith, aunt Brianna, and grandma Cynthia came over to us and smothered me in kisses and hugs.

“Reese! We didn’t think you were coming. Daniel said you couldn’t make it. Sudden change of plans?” my aunt Judy exclaimed. She always has been a really excited kind of person, so it didn’t surprise me at all that she was acting like a hyperactive squirrel. It also didn’t surprise me that my dad lied about me not being able to come.

“Well, no, not really. Him and I aren’t really on speaking terms right now. He kicked me out about a week ago.” I kind of hoped no one would as about it, because if I could, it would be kind of nice not to announce to the whole family my status of orientation. If they found out, they found out, but I didn’t really just want to come out and say it. ‘Hey, everybody, I like guys,’ didn’t really seem like the ideal Christmas conversation.

“Oh, well where are you staying? You know you can always take up our spare bedroom if you need to,” my grandma said, smoothing out my hair just as she always does when she sees me. I don’t think she likes my haircut a whole lot, because she always tries to fix my hair.

“That’s okay, Grandma. I’m staying with a friend, but thanks for the offer,”

“Oh? Millinda?”

“No, Camron,”

“Oh, now who’s that? A new friend?”

In case you haven’t figured this out yet, my grandma likes to say ‘oh’ at the beginning of her sentences.

“Well, kind of,” Camron said. Even though he’d been standing there the whole time, I don’t think anybody realized he was there until he spoke up.

“Oh, and who are you?”

“I’m Camron,”

“Oh, I see,”

“Well, Camron, it’s nice to meet you. I’m glad you’re taking care of our little Reese-y cup,” my aunt Brianna smiled as she ruffled my hair.

“Why don’t you two come in and have some food?”

“Thanks, aunt Judy,” I smiled, starting to blush at what Brianna had said.

As the sea of overly-loving-female-relatives parted, Camron elbowed my in the side lightly. “Ha, ‘our little Reese-y cup’. That’s just too good.”

I knew that was coming. “Oh, shush up, you.”

He was still laughing at me while we piled our plates high with delicious food (my family is full of great cooks) and while I led him to the living room. As we sat down on the edge of the big fireplace, my dad must have noticed me, because I heard someone do a spit-take, then a couple of people whine about how he got Pepsi all over them, and him apologize about it. Camron started laughing some more, and I tried to ignore it, but found myself laughing about it too.

Once everyone was done eating, we decided to do presents. I’d forgotten to bring them in when we first came in, so I had to go out to get them. My uncle Steve wouldn’t let me though. He said something about not leaving my friend behind while I got them - which didn’t make much sense - and then went out to get them himself. I found out why he insisted on getting them later on that night though when my dad and I ended up getting into a huge fight.