Undeniably In Denial

Camron and I spent most of what was left of break in his attic hideaway, listening to music, talking, taking pictures, dancing, drawing, and such. Well, actually, Camron was the one doing the dancing and drawing. He’s great at both of them, especially the dancing. I've never seen any teenage guy dance like he does. And when he gets into it enough, and I mean really gets into it, it’s hard to stop him. Not that anyone would want to stop him. I’d say it’s probably like when I play my guitars; you just get so absorbed in the music that everything else seems to float away. Although, Camron is like a god at dancing and I'm only just okay at the guitar. My dad loves it when I start playing, and I don’t know why because I don’t think I'm very good at all. But I love it no matter what, so that’s why I have as many guitars as I do and why I play them all the time.

Anyways, a few days before break was over, I went back home to my parents house just as I said I would. Then I had to, of course, go back to school and deal with the people there, which basically sucks. I mean, I had my friends there, and they were absolutely awesome, but other people in my school needed to just die. Especially the ones that are assholes about finding out that I'm bi. The day we came back, there was an announcement of a winter dance in a week. I didn’t think I’d go, but when I told Cam about it while we were video chatting one night, he was all for it and wanted to go.

“Really? You want to go to this stupid high school dance?”

“Yea, I do! And it may be stupid, but this’ll be the last dance we can go to together. Because the semester will be over the week after this dance and you’ll be technically graduated,”

“But what about your dances? I can’t go to my senior prom, but can’t I go to your junior and senior proms? And your senior homecoming?”

“My school has this really stupid rule that we can’t take anyone to a dance unless they’re in high school. If the person is in middle school or even just graduated, they aren’t allowed to come,” he explained, sighing.

“What? That’s so stupid!”

“I know, but that’s the rule. So if you graduate early, this is the last dance we can go to together,”

“Would you care if we didn’t go to a prom?”

“Not really. Prom’s more of the dance that girls freak out about. You know, the dress, the hair, the limo, all that dumb junk,”

“So, you want to pretend like this dance is our prom?”

“Yea, sure. I call dibs on being the girl!” he laughed, getting a really weird look in his eyes. “Oh, my gosh! I found the perfect, and I mean per-fect dress the other day! It’s all pink and long and sparkly and ooh! It makes my boobs and butt look absolutely fabulous! And my mom knows this girl who know this guy who’s brother knows this guy that’s married to this girl who goes to this great hairstylist that was the assistant to the assistant that’s assistant was the assistant’s assistant to the hairdresser that did the hair of that one guy in that one movie about the people! Ah!”

“Camron Dole, you are such a nutter!” I yelled, laughing so hard I thought my sides were going to spilt.

“Oh, I am very aware of that, Reese. I am very aware of that indeed. I think it’s the garden gnomes. One by one, those little gnomes steal my sanity,”

“You really are nuts. Absolutely bonkers,”



“Oh, my gosh, Reese, I almost got that exact same dress that girl is wearing. I'm so glad I got this one instead!” Camron said to me as we walked through the gym doors a week later at the dance.

“Camron, would you stop it with the girl thing?” I laughed.

“Awe, do I have to? It’s so fun!”

“If you’re dressed as a girl you can act like a girl. Are you dressed like a girl?”

“No,” he pouted.

“Then don’t act like one,” I scolded, looking around what was once a high school gym, but was now, for lack of a better description, a winter wonderland.

“Yes, mother,” he laughed as I led him to the back corner of the gym, where I knew the rest of my friends would be. “As you say, mother.” I slapped him upside the head lightly and he screamed, not that anyone but us could hear it over the loud thumping music. “Abuse! Abuse! I'm going to call child services on you!”

“Shut up, Cam, just shut up,”

“You’re a bad mommy,” he pouted again. “I'm going to go live with Daddy after today. He’s not mean to me like you are.”

“Oh? And who would Daddy be?”

“Pfft, I don’t know!” he laughed, using a really high pitched and squeaky voice.

“Are you drunk or just high?”

“Who’s high?” Jason asked as we approached my friends.

“You are Jay, you’re high,” I laughed at him while he just shrugged it off and went back to dancing with his boyfriend, Even McNeil. Milly was there too, dancing with her new beau, Shane Jamison, as well as Brent, with his date, Courtney something-or-other. I saw Marla heading towards the bathroom when we walked in, followed by Sara and Bethany.

Camron and I joined in on all my friends’ group dance while the DJ was playing the fast jumpy music, but as soon as the guy broke off into a slow song, all the couples wrapped their arms around each other, except me and Camron, because neither of us were all too sure what to do.

“Aw, come on, you two. Dance!” Jason yelled, still just barely heard past the music. “These things are no fun unless you’ve got someone to dance with. And you both do, so dance!”

“Yea, come on guys,” Milly added.

“Alright, fine; we’ll dance,” I laughed. “Just don’t kill us.”

So we ended up dancing and I think three different cameras surrounded up, taking pictures. It was actually really nice after the cameras parted and we were able to be by ourselves. Instead of playing another fast song after the slow one, they played another slow song for some reason. All joking aside, Camron really was like the girl in this relationship. He had his arms behind my neck while mine we on his waist and he leaned his head on my shoulder. As we danced, I looked out into the sea of people crowding the gym. The people I've gone to school with for so long. One of them stuck out more than the rest. She was wearing a gorgeous wine-red dress that brushed the floor as she twirled, the plastic beads along the low-lying neckline shining in the dim lights of the gym. It was my ex girlfriend, Skye Roberts. The way she looked in that dress and the way her hair fell over her shoulders in slight curls brought back so many memories that I've shoved in the back of my mind since we broke up.

The two of us, on one of our beds, lips locked, limbs entwined, sweat gleaming, her nails on my back, that spot on her neck, the way she whimpered when I pulled my lips away for air, when she’d suddenly take control. Everything. Everything that girl did to me, everything she made me feel; the good and the bad.

Like seeing her cheat on me with the school’s quarterback.

I didn’t realize I was staring until her eyes caught mine and she smiled at me. At first, I don’t think she noticed who I was dancing with, but once she saw that it was another guy, her smile faded and she started shaking her head while backing up and running out of the gym, her dress flying behind her.

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath.

“What is it?” Camron asked lifting up his head.

“My ex girlfriend just saw us. I don’t think she knows I'm not straight. I've got to go deal with it. I'll be right back, I promise honey,” I said, giving him a quick kiss. It seemed as if he understood alright.

“Yea, go ahead. It’s okay,”

“Thank you. I'll be right back,”

I ran out of the gym, grabbing my coat, and once I got into the hallway, I didn’t see Skye anywhere. I knew where she was, though. She always goes there when she’s upset. The swing set of the elementary school next door. I saw her sitting there with her head between her knees and her hands on the back of her neck. “Want a push?”

“Not from you, Reese,” she mumbled, shoulders shaking form her tears.

“Alright, I guess I deserved that a bit,”

“A bit? Reese, you were dancing intimately with another guy!”

“Skye, we broke up last summer,”

“I know, but it was a guy! You and I dated for two years!”

“And you ended it for one night with Jared Douglass. That hurts a lot more than it would seeing you dance that way with a girl,”

“I know…I know. Our breakup hurt me a lot more than this did,”

“It’s your fault we broke up,”

“I know that too. And it still kills me. But was it seriously that bad that it turned you gay?”

“I'm not gay. I know, I know, I was dancing with a guy so now it seems like I'm lying. But Skye, I'm not gay. I'm only bisexual. I still like girls, but I also like guys. And really, I think I've always been that way, I just never wanted to admit it. Jason’s been telling me I was gay since we were thirteen and even Brent started on me about it a while ago. But I only realized it three months ago, at the most. You didn’t do anything to turn me this way. Trust me,” I explained, looking down into her eyes as she stared up at me, both of us seeing the other upside down since I was still behind her.

“Do you hate me?”

“For cheating on me?” I asked. She nodded; a look of hope in her eyes. “I've never hated you. And I never could. Just like I'll never stop loving you. You were my first love, Skye. Remember that.” I started to walk away back to the school, but she called out, ‘wait’ and grabbed my arm, pulling me back. She stood up and took my head in her hands, kissing me. That brought back all of those memories once again and I ended up kissing her back just like I would have when we were dating. She pulled away and looked me in the eyes, one hand lingering on my cheek.

“You’re right,”

“About what?”

“I've always been able to read you through kisses. I could tell what you were feeling at the time we were kissing. And you’re right; you don’t hate me. And you miss me. I can tell. I just want to let you know that I miss you too. Quite a lot. But we should probably go back to the dance and you to your boyfriend.”

When we were inside the gym again, I took off my coat and carried it over my arms, which I crossed over my chest while I walked back to Camron. “How’d it go? Did you settle things with her?”

“She kissed me,” I answered, nodding my head out of astonishment.

“She kissed you?”

“And I kissed her back. I am so, so sorry,”

“Was this before or after you talked to her?”

“After. I was walking back inside and she pulled me around and then kissed me,”

“Why’d you tell me this?” he asked me after a while.

“Because I’d want you to do the same if it had happened to you,”

“Next time, don’t tell me,” he snapped. “If I decide there’s going to be a next time.” Camron had such a hurt look on his face that it just about broke my heart, and I'm sure it just about broke his too. I couldn’t help but stare after him as he pulled his coat on and stormed out of the school. Jason must have seen the whole thing, because as I stared after him with a blank look on my face, he shoved me forward and told me;

“Go! Go after him! Explain yourself, you dumb ass! Catch him before he leaves!”