Sequel: A New Kind of Denial ›
Undeniably In Denial
Camron
“Come on you two! Get into the feel of this shoot! How hard can this be?” the photographer yelled at the girl and I, pumping his hand into the air in annoyance. “Just act like you like it!”
“That’s a little difficult for me Stephan,” I sighed, starting to get really aggravated.
“And why’s that, Camron?”
“Because I'm gay! I've told you this before! When you asked me to do this shoot, I told you that I didn’t know how well it was going to work out because I don’t like girls,”
“Well, can’t you just pretend she’s a man? No offence, Rina, but we need this to work,”
“That’s perfectly fine, Stephan, I understand,” she smiled sweetly.
“Wait, your name is Rina?” I asked, looking her in her icy blue eyes
“Yes. Well, it’s technically Irene, but I hate that, so everyone calls me Rina,” she explained, fixing her hair and earrings, which were all messed up from the wind on the top of this roof. “Is that a problem?”
“No, actually, that makes things easier,” I chuckled, thinking back to that Halloween party five years earlier. Yes, I'm thinking of Reese. And I hate that. I hate that I still love him. But I've also moved on, not just relationship-wise, but life-wise. I’d always thought I would end up with a normal New Jersey job. But then I got recognized by my dancing at the Cockpit Bar, and now I'm this big shot European model. And what my attic room back home looked like was the basis of my home in London. I actually live in London! Sometimes that still amazes me.
Anyways, back to the rooftop photo shoot. Rina and I were posing for some blue jean company called ‘BDG’, and I have no idea what that means. The advertisement was supposed to be sexy and enticing, but I was having difficulties with that because of some pretty obvious reasons. But by imagining Rina as a guy, the shoot got easier, as weird as that sounds. The shot Stephan ended up liking the best was when I had my shirt off, my jeans were riding kind of low, and I had one hand on Rina’s butt and the other in her hair. Her left leg was wrapped around me and she had her hands on my chest. We looked like we were about to kiss each other and we had this sort of hungry look in our eyes. If I wasn’t gay, it would have been really hot.
After the shoot, Rina and I started talking and found out that we’re a lot alike. We decided to swap phone numbers and get some coffee at a cute little café we both liked. For the next few days, she and I hung out a lot when we didn’t have shoots or other things going on. Both of us had the same musical taste, so when she asked me to a concert of a band I’d never heard of, I figured I might as well go.
“It’s in Cardiff though,”
“Isn’t that, like, three hours away?”
“Yea, and?” she laughed in that thick British accent of hers. “Think of it as a road trip or something.”
“When is it again?”
“This Friday. Please? Please? None of my other friends can go or they don’t like this band. Please come? I know you’ll like them. Please, Cam? There’s going to be a lot of cute guys there, a lot of them will be gay or bi,”
“How would you know?”
“Because every member of L.O.V.E. Spells Death is gay. They attract a big portion of the LGBT community to their shows. Plus, their songs are amazingly wicked.”
“Alright, I'll cave. But next time, we’re going to one here in London. Not one that’s two or three hours off somewhere, okay?”
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I've been waiting to see them live forever, but I had a photo shoot the day of their London show,”
“I know what you mean. There was a Protocol concert the day of the ‘BDG’ thing and they’re one of my favorite bands,”
“And the next time you want to go to a concert a few hours away, I'll come with you. No questions asked. No matter the day. No matter the circumstances,” she said, sounding very serious about it.
“Okay, Rina, I'll keep that in mind,” I laughed, patting her on the head.
“Hay, Camron…wanna go dancing tonight?” my on-and-off boyfriend Jared asked me a week earlier while we were talking on the phone. At the moment, we were together, but I had a feeling that something in our relationship was going to change soon. We’d been doing so well together lately, and it actually seems like we’re a real couple, unlike our past tries at dating. Compared to all those times, we’re about due for a split. That doesn’t mean that we will, it’s just that we’ve never really gotten this far into things before.
“When have you ever known me to turn down dancing?” I laughed.
“Oh yea, mister ballerina,” he giggled, referring to the fact that I got recognized by a dance agency from a few of my first modeling gigs. “So, that’s a yes?”
“Well, of course!”
“Good,” he laughed. “Uh, how about the Borderline? We haven’t been there for a while.”
“Awesome, I can’t wait. Sounds like it’ll be a great night.”
“That’s what I'm hoping for,” he said, probably smirking into the phone.
“Now you’re not talking about dancing, are you?”
“I might be, or I might not be. But that’s for me to know and for you to find out,”
“Okay, now I know you’re not talking about dancing anymore,”
“Well…you could call it dancing. If you want to think of it that way, I suppose,” he said, still laughing, making me giggle with excitement and shake my head at his way of paraphrasing.
Jared rolled over and looked at me later that night, leaning on his elbow while he did so. “Camron? What are we?” he asked, putting his hand on my hip.
“Um, human. Unless you’re secretly a monkey or something,”
“No,” he laughed lightly. “I mean you and I. What are we relationship wise?”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I thought we were a couple,”
“I know, but it’s about that time…”
“What, our period?” I laughed, only half-catching what he was trying to get at.
“No,” he laughed again. “It’s about the time in our relationship that we usually break up or at least are about to do so. Is that going to happen this time?”
“I don’t want it to,” I whispered, meeting his eyes and caressing his cheek with my thumb. “But if we’re not careful, it might.”
“Why do you say that?”
“How many times have we broken up?”
“The last time I counted, about five or six times,” he grimaced.
“Yea, and all that within about three years. Let’s face it; neither of us is all that great at keeping this relationship off the rocks. I'm afraid something will happen that’ll make us break up again.”
“That’s completely true, but we’re not on the rocks right now. Do you think maybe it’s about time for a change of habit? Because I don’t want us to break up. I love you…”
I kissed him full on the mouth, deep and passionate, my hand lingering on his face. “I love you too, Jared.”
“That’s a little difficult for me Stephan,” I sighed, starting to get really aggravated.
“And why’s that, Camron?”
“Because I'm gay! I've told you this before! When you asked me to do this shoot, I told you that I didn’t know how well it was going to work out because I don’t like girls,”
“Well, can’t you just pretend she’s a man? No offence, Rina, but we need this to work,”
“That’s perfectly fine, Stephan, I understand,” she smiled sweetly.
“Wait, your name is Rina?” I asked, looking her in her icy blue eyes
“Yes. Well, it’s technically Irene, but I hate that, so everyone calls me Rina,” she explained, fixing her hair and earrings, which were all messed up from the wind on the top of this roof. “Is that a problem?”
“No, actually, that makes things easier,” I chuckled, thinking back to that Halloween party five years earlier. Yes, I'm thinking of Reese. And I hate that. I hate that I still love him. But I've also moved on, not just relationship-wise, but life-wise. I’d always thought I would end up with a normal New Jersey job. But then I got recognized by my dancing at the Cockpit Bar, and now I'm this big shot European model. And what my attic room back home looked like was the basis of my home in London. I actually live in London! Sometimes that still amazes me.
Anyways, back to the rooftop photo shoot. Rina and I were posing for some blue jean company called ‘BDG’, and I have no idea what that means. The advertisement was supposed to be sexy and enticing, but I was having difficulties with that because of some pretty obvious reasons. But by imagining Rina as a guy, the shoot got easier, as weird as that sounds. The shot Stephan ended up liking the best was when I had my shirt off, my jeans were riding kind of low, and I had one hand on Rina’s butt and the other in her hair. Her left leg was wrapped around me and she had her hands on my chest. We looked like we were about to kiss each other and we had this sort of hungry look in our eyes. If I wasn’t gay, it would have been really hot.
After the shoot, Rina and I started talking and found out that we’re a lot alike. We decided to swap phone numbers and get some coffee at a cute little café we both liked. For the next few days, she and I hung out a lot when we didn’t have shoots or other things going on. Both of us had the same musical taste, so when she asked me to a concert of a band I’d never heard of, I figured I might as well go.
“It’s in Cardiff though,”
“Isn’t that, like, three hours away?”
“Yea, and?” she laughed in that thick British accent of hers. “Think of it as a road trip or something.”
“When is it again?”
“This Friday. Please? Please? None of my other friends can go or they don’t like this band. Please come? I know you’ll like them. Please, Cam? There’s going to be a lot of cute guys there, a lot of them will be gay or bi,”
“How would you know?”
“Because every member of L.O.V.E. Spells Death is gay. They attract a big portion of the LGBT community to their shows. Plus, their songs are amazingly wicked.”
“Alright, I'll cave. But next time, we’re going to one here in London. Not one that’s two or three hours off somewhere, okay?”
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I've been waiting to see them live forever, but I had a photo shoot the day of their London show,”
“I know what you mean. There was a Protocol concert the day of the ‘BDG’ thing and they’re one of my favorite bands,”
“And the next time you want to go to a concert a few hours away, I'll come with you. No questions asked. No matter the day. No matter the circumstances,” she said, sounding very serious about it.
“Okay, Rina, I'll keep that in mind,” I laughed, patting her on the head.
“Hay, Camron…wanna go dancing tonight?” my on-and-off boyfriend Jared asked me a week earlier while we were talking on the phone. At the moment, we were together, but I had a feeling that something in our relationship was going to change soon. We’d been doing so well together lately, and it actually seems like we’re a real couple, unlike our past tries at dating. Compared to all those times, we’re about due for a split. That doesn’t mean that we will, it’s just that we’ve never really gotten this far into things before.
“When have you ever known me to turn down dancing?” I laughed.
“Oh yea, mister ballerina,” he giggled, referring to the fact that I got recognized by a dance agency from a few of my first modeling gigs. “So, that’s a yes?”
“Well, of course!”
“Good,” he laughed. “Uh, how about the Borderline? We haven’t been there for a while.”
“Awesome, I can’t wait. Sounds like it’ll be a great night.”
“That’s what I'm hoping for,” he said, probably smirking into the phone.
“Now you’re not talking about dancing, are you?”
“I might be, or I might not be. But that’s for me to know and for you to find out,”
“Okay, now I know you’re not talking about dancing anymore,”
“Well…you could call it dancing. If you want to think of it that way, I suppose,” he said, still laughing, making me giggle with excitement and shake my head at his way of paraphrasing.
Jared rolled over and looked at me later that night, leaning on his elbow while he did so. “Camron? What are we?” he asked, putting his hand on my hip.
“Um, human. Unless you’re secretly a monkey or something,”
“No,” he laughed lightly. “I mean you and I. What are we relationship wise?”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I thought we were a couple,”
“I know, but it’s about that time…”
“What, our period?” I laughed, only half-catching what he was trying to get at.
“No,” he laughed again. “It’s about the time in our relationship that we usually break up or at least are about to do so. Is that going to happen this time?”
“I don’t want it to,” I whispered, meeting his eyes and caressing his cheek with my thumb. “But if we’re not careful, it might.”
“Why do you say that?”
“How many times have we broken up?”
“The last time I counted, about five or six times,” he grimaced.
“Yea, and all that within about three years. Let’s face it; neither of us is all that great at keeping this relationship off the rocks. I'm afraid something will happen that’ll make us break up again.”
“That’s completely true, but we’re not on the rocks right now. Do you think maybe it’s about time for a change of habit? Because I don’t want us to break up. I love you…”
I kissed him full on the mouth, deep and passionate, my hand lingering on his face. “I love you too, Jared.”