Undeniably In Denial

About halfway through lunch, I got up to go to the bathroom, but when I came out, I heard Reese and Milly talking. And it was a conversation that I really wanted to hear, so I just hung out by the door - like a creeper, really - and listened to what they were saying.

“I don’t know, Milly,” I heard Reese sigh.

“What about it don’t you know?”

“Well, I’m not completely sure that I’m bi yet,”

“Reese! In case you forgot, you had sex with another guy last night. I’d say that’s a pretty good indication that you’re at least bi, maybe even gay. What are you talking about, you’re not sure? Jeez, boy, make up your damn mind,”

“I know, I know. And trust me; I didn’t forget,” he chuckled, kind of nervously. I couldn’t see his face, so I couldn’t tell if that comment was good or bad, and that kind of worried me. He was sitting with his back facing me, across the table from Milly, making it so that I could see her. I saw her look my way and we made eye contact, so I sent her a look that yelled, don’t say anything!, hoping that she wouldn’t.

She looked back at Reese, took a bite of her steak, and asked, “Okay, then. How aren’t you sure about this?”

“I don’t really know. I’m just confused about it all. I don’t know what to feel towards who much anymore.” That was sort of disappointing to hear for some reason. I mean, he didn’t technically say anything about me, and it’s not like we were together or anything, but it still was sort of saddening. Milly glanced up at me real quick and sort of smirked.

“Well, what about Camron?”

Oh, damn her.

“What about him?”

Duh, Reese.

“What do you feel about him?”

“I’m not completely sure about that either. I mean, I know I feel something, but I don’t know how much of that something there is,”

“Well, what about last night? I know you, and I know that you wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t want to. No matter how slammed you were, that’s not something you’d do with just anybody. So, what were you feeling last night?”

“Scared at first, but then it was like I got a sudden burst of confidence. And overall, I felt…ecstatic, blissful, completely and utterly amazing.” You could practically hear the smile in his voice, and that in turn made me smile.

“So I take it he’s good?” she asked, a smirk playing on her lips as she looked up at me again. My eyes were huge. I could not believe she just asked that! “Oh, he must be, by the way you’re blushing! Come on, spill it bud.”

“Well, yea,”

“Explain! Now!”

“You know that song where the guy talks about ‘da best I eva had’?” he asked, chuckling slightly as he quoted the song.

“Yea,”

“That explains it all,”

“Seriously?” she squeaked, getting all excited about it. I have to admit, I was pretty excited too, but that’s because he just said I was the best he’s ever had. “That is so awesome! So - wait. You’ve had more than one?”

“Come on, Milly, you know all about my relationship with Skye. You know how badly it ended too, and the fact that I don’t really like to talk about it,”

“I know that! I thought you meant he was the best guy you’ve ever had,”

“Well, yea. He is,”

“What?!” she nearly screamed, dropping her fork on her plate with a clatter.

“He’s the best guy I’ve ever had because he’s the only guy I’ve ever had. I don’t have anything else to compare him to on that front. Or back I guess you can say,” Reese remarked, chewing something at the end of the sentence, making it kind of mumbled. Okay, now I can’t believe he just said that!

“Reese! Did you seriously just say that?”

He avoided the question, but I could just see the smirk on his face. “But all in all, he’s the best I’ve ever had. From either side of things.”

“Was that meant to be as dirty as the front-back thing?” Milly asked, leaning over the table to look at him in a scolding way.

“Yes, yes it was,” he laughed.

“You are so sick sometimes, I swear,” she giggled.

“Hey, I’m not the one that - “

I couldn’t hear what he said after that, because some guy tapped me on the shoulder and asked me, “Are you going to move from that spot, or are you just going to stare at those two all day? Because it’s kind of weird and I doubt they’d appreciate you staring at them. It would be really wonderful if you’d stop it.”

“Oh, uh, well, those are my friends, and they’re talking about me, so I just kind of wanted to hear what they were saying,” I explained, feeling the heat rise into my cheeks as I started to blush from the embarrassment of being caught creeping on my friends.

“Whatever you say, dude,” the guy said, walking into the bathroom, shaking his head at me.

Well that was more than embarrassing, to say the least.

I walked back to our table and sat down next to Reese again.

Milly looked at me, winked quickly, and asked, “What’d you do, fall in?”



Four weeks after the Halloween party, and Reese hadn’t mentioned anything about us. I didn’t want to say anything either, because I had no idea if he was ready for a relationship with a guy yet. And then there was the whole thing where he said he didn’t know how much he felt for me. I didn’t want to say something about any of it and him not be ready to talk about it, so I was just waiting until he said something. I wanted to talk to him about it - about us - but I didn’t really know if I should have, or when. I finally decided that if it came up, or something related to it came up, I would ask him about it.

Two days after I came to that conclusion, my chance came. Even though we go to different schools and are in different grades, we still get together to do our homework together sometimes. We were in my room doing some history one day, talking about Hitler and his persecution of minorities. Reese was sitting on my bed with his notebook on his lap and his book next to him, and I was on the floor, leaning against the bed, with my notes spewed out in front of me.

“So basically, Hitler and his Nazi’s not only persecuted Jews,” he started, closing his notebook and looking at me, “but also other minorities, like blacks…and gays.”

“Yea, I probably would have been dead if I lived back then,” I laughed.

“Only if they knew you were gay,”

“Oh, they would have,”

“Well, yea, they probably would have,” he laughed back, a look of deep thought in his eyes.

“What’cha thinking about?” I asked, looking up at those slate grey eyes of his through my eyelashes. He seemed as if he was concentrating really hard on something, but there was still a hint of laughter left in there.

“You,” he whispered, turning back to look down at me. “And me.”

So, it seems he beat me to it. Seeing as how I was just about to bring it up.

“What about you; what are you thinking of?”

“Same thing you are,” I answered, putting down the folder I had in my hands. “I’m thinking about us. What we are. What’s going on with us. What’s going to happen to us. Things like that.”

“What do you want to start with?”

“Let’s start with what we are,”

“Right now, we’re two guys who really like each other and shared an amazing thing on Halloween,”

“But what do you want us to be?”

Reese took a little bit to answer me, and when he did I could A) barely hear him and B) hardly believe it.

“A couple,”

“Really?” I breathed.

“I’ve thought about it a lot over the past month and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I really do like you. I’m also ready to admit that I think I’m bi. And I want to be in a relationship with you.” Now it was my turn to not say anything for a while. I just sat there, blinking up at that boy with the dark auburn hair and those inviting grey eyes that just told me that he wants us to be a couple. He looked like he was starting to blush and he seemed to be kind of anxious. “Um, Camron, please say something. Or do something. Just…something something. Please. I’m starting to get a bit -”

I cut him off my standing up and kissing him. It’s one of the most cliché things ever; the kiss-cut-off. But that’s because it’s so effective.

“You were saying?” I asked after pulling away, smiling mischievously at him.

“Who said I was saying anything?” he asked, pulling me down on top of him and kissing me like never before. Like he was completely sure about himself. And that’s why I didn’t stop what was happening. I kissed him back as I dug my hands into his hair and he wrapped his arms around my waist. It went on like that for probably a half an hour, stopping only to get in breaths of air and move his books onto the floor. We had just fallen over onto my pillows when I heard our steps creak, meaning only one of two things. It could have been my sister, but I knew she was at cheer practice so it had to be;

“My mom! Quick, get your books back up here and say something smart!” I whispered, sitting up really straight. Reese did exactly what i said, and as my mom opened my door, he was saying;

“So if you’re looking for the 51st term, your first number is 7, and your difference is negative two, your answer, the 51st term, will be negative 93.”

“You boys having fun?” my mom asked from the door, leaning on the frame, smiling in on us.

“As fun as studying gets, Ma,”

“Why don’t you take a break? I have some brownies that just came out of the oven and plenty of milk, if you guys want some,”

“Oh, that would be great, Mrs. Dole,” Reese smiled politely, closing his history book once again and setting it behind him. He did a good job at hiding what book it was from my mom since he spewed out algebra and not history. “We’ll be down in a little bit.”

“Okay then, I’ll go and dish some out for you, yea?”

“Thank you Mrs. Dole,”

“Oh, Reese, how many times have I told you to call me Kathy?”

“A lot, sorry. Thank you Kathy,” he corrected, acting like the perfect little boy.

“Thanks Mom!”

“Oh you’re welcome. No trouble at all,” she said, trying to act all modest, as she walked out of the door.

As soon as I was positive she was downstairs and out of earshot, I told Reese, “I swear, sometimes that woman is the epitome of the term ‘Suzy-home-maker’. She just tries so hard sometime.”

“She’s nice,”

“Yea, on the outside, to anyone besides her family, she’s this angelic, prefect little wife, mother, and homeowner. But when you’re related, you do not want to get on her bad side because it seems like Big Foot, King Kong and the Loch Ness Monster all got together and had a street brawl,”