Life Starts After Dark

Eric’s POV

I sighed, sitting outside of her house like a lost puppy. How pathetic could I possibly be? I am a shame to others of my kind simply for wanting her the way I do. Why can I not help myself?

The idea of her blood coursing through my veins makes me shiver. She sleeps now. I can feel her as if she is inside of me, a part of myself. She is not who I thought she was. She is much more than that, as I can tell now that I can feel what she feels.

She is confused. About what? Did my crossing of her carefully drawn lines put her over the edge? Was she honestly considering me? I didn’t think that was possible. There was no way she would willingly choose me. I am a vampire, and she is a human. Nothing will ever change between us, because she could never feel that way about me. It is simply not done, in the human world, to love a vampire.

Love? Do I really crave her love? Do I want that kind of attachment?

She feels confused as she sleeps, but then the feeling quickly shifts to something entirely different. I know this feeling all too well. I wonder if she is dreaming about me. It would be common for her to feel that way towards me after I gave her my blood. She drank so much of my blood. I have never allowed a human to drink that much from me. I feel more connected to her than I have with any other being in my long existence.

I can’t help the way I feel when I am around her. She makes me feel almost…human. Maybe it is because, against all reason, she does not fear me. I don’t understand how she can be so calm around me. From my experience around humans prior to her, I have learned I am something to be feared. Why is now any different? Have I finally found a human who can be in my presence without shuddering in fear?

I have never felt compelled to keep a human alive. But when she told me about her vision, I immediately felt a need to protect her. And even though I save her from one attack, I knew there would be another, because this was not the attack she spoke about. It was not the one she had received in her vision. That attack had been from another vampire. This meant that she was still in danger. Someone wanted her for his own. I would have to be even more careful than usual in my protection of her.

What did she mean to me that I had to protect her so diligently? It made no sense, even to me. Attachment to a human was useless unless you planned to turn her. The thought of making her like me was disconcerting. I wanted her just the way she was. Human. Because if she was strong enough to protect herself, what would she need me for? Even though I knew she would make a powerful and perfect vampire, I did not want her to be so for the sake of my own selfishness.

I had not told Pam the reason for my absences in the past few nights. I did not want her to think of me as an old vampire who had lost his touch. It would not do to have my own child think of me that way.

Things would not be able to stay the way they were. I could feel it in the air. Everything was about to change. I had a feeling that most of these changes would be based on Skylar’s decisions.

I was not in control this time. I thrived on my ability to control situations. However, this time I was not in control.

And I did not like that one bit.