Status: complete!(:
It's Yours
Eleven.
One small hot chocolate and a large coffee from Lunar Eclipse later, I was at Janie’s work. I opened the door of Heartbeat to the smell of sweat and the sound of treadmills. I had never been to Janie’s work before. All I knew was that she worked at the gym. I didn’t know where. I decided that my safest bet was to go ask the guy at the front desk. His nametag said he was John.
“Hello and welcome to Heartbeat. How can I help you?” He sounded bored and he was looking at the computer, not me.
“I’m looking for someone that works here.”
He looked up at me. “What’s their name?” His voice didn’t sound bored at all now.
“Jane Alberts.”
I hated how his eyes raked over my body. I was used to it. But it still bothered me.
“She works in childcare.” Well isn’t that just wonderful. More kids.
“It’s that door on the right.”
I followed his finger. The door was covered with pictures of Barbie and Buzz. They were scribbled all over. There was a poem too.
Mary had a little lamb. She also had the flu. And when she left her daycare, the others had it too. So anytime your child is sick, please keep her home with you. Then the children in our daycare will be healthier and happier too!
I giggled quietly to myself and opened the door. There was a long counter with a little gate at the end. I was standing on the side with the gate. Outside of the gate were three little kids playing tag. Two others were playing with blocks. A television in the corner was turned on to The Little Mermaid and three little girls sat in front of it, mesmerized. Janie and another woman who looked about twenty were sitting in rocking chairs supervising. Janie was holding a sleeping baby. She looked up when I closed the door.
“Emma! Come in!” She called. I self-consciously opened the gate and walked over to the rocking chairs.
“Em, this is Cali. She works with me on the weekend.” I waved at her, she nodded back.
“So you need to tell me everything that is going on. Now.” I glanced over at Cali.
“Molly! No hitting!” She walked over to the girls by the TV, on the other side of the room. I sat down in her chair. She seemed to understand that Janie and I had to talk so she was giving us privacy.
“Well, Jake and I had sex. I told you that last night.” Janie nodded, “And then we had sex again. And again. And again. That was all he wanted. Sex. And I couldn’t tell him no because he could leave me again and I couldn’t handle that.
“So I just let him do whatever he wanted. But it wasn’t fun or romantic or nice. It was horrible and it hurt so bad that after he left I would just lie in bed and cry.
“And then I started throwing up and I realized I was more than a week late for the first time in forever. And I couldn’t remember if he had used a condom except for the first time. I ran to the store and bought like five pregnancy tests. Four of them said positive. And then I don’t really remember what happened except that I slept and threw up a lot. And I went back to school and I tried to pretend like everything was fine, but it wasn’t. And then Jake left and I told Paul and Thom and now you. So that’s everything.”
Tears were streaming down my face by the time I was finished. Janie was sitting in shocked silence. I closed my eyes and just kept rocking. And crying. After what seemed like forever, but was probably just five minutes, she spoke.
“Well what are you going to do? If you need an abortion I think I could fake your mom’s signature. Or we can go look at adoption agencies together. Whatever you need, Em, I’m here.”
I opened my eyes. Janie looked worried, but sure. She was really offering to help me.
“Well I tried the abortion route, but I couldn’t do it. And I don’t really know about adoption, but it’s definitely something to think about.”
“If you’re planning on keeping it, you’ll need a job. I think that I could get you one here, Stephanie is always looking for people. And then you could get some baby experience too.”
I nodded. A job would be a good start. Janie never once brought up telling my parents or Becky.
We spent the rest of her shift discussing Melissa’s weirdness last night. I was grateful for two hours of baby free talk. I knew it would be hard from now on, I only had two more weeks until my second month, and I still had to visit the doctor, but I felt in control.
Most of my friends knew and they weren’t shunning me like I thought they would. They were accepting me and helping me. I would eventually have to tell my family, but for right now I was content. And that was what really mattered.
“Hello and welcome to Heartbeat. How can I help you?” He sounded bored and he was looking at the computer, not me.
“I’m looking for someone that works here.”
He looked up at me. “What’s their name?” His voice didn’t sound bored at all now.
“Jane Alberts.”
I hated how his eyes raked over my body. I was used to it. But it still bothered me.
“She works in childcare.” Well isn’t that just wonderful. More kids.
“It’s that door on the right.”
I followed his finger. The door was covered with pictures of Barbie and Buzz. They were scribbled all over. There was a poem too.
Mary had a little lamb. She also had the flu. And when she left her daycare, the others had it too. So anytime your child is sick, please keep her home with you. Then the children in our daycare will be healthier and happier too!
I giggled quietly to myself and opened the door. There was a long counter with a little gate at the end. I was standing on the side with the gate. Outside of the gate were three little kids playing tag. Two others were playing with blocks. A television in the corner was turned on to The Little Mermaid and three little girls sat in front of it, mesmerized. Janie and another woman who looked about twenty were sitting in rocking chairs supervising. Janie was holding a sleeping baby. She looked up when I closed the door.
“Emma! Come in!” She called. I self-consciously opened the gate and walked over to the rocking chairs.
“Em, this is Cali. She works with me on the weekend.” I waved at her, she nodded back.
“So you need to tell me everything that is going on. Now.” I glanced over at Cali.
“Molly! No hitting!” She walked over to the girls by the TV, on the other side of the room. I sat down in her chair. She seemed to understand that Janie and I had to talk so she was giving us privacy.
“Well, Jake and I had sex. I told you that last night.” Janie nodded, “And then we had sex again. And again. And again. That was all he wanted. Sex. And I couldn’t tell him no because he could leave me again and I couldn’t handle that.
“So I just let him do whatever he wanted. But it wasn’t fun or romantic or nice. It was horrible and it hurt so bad that after he left I would just lie in bed and cry.
“And then I started throwing up and I realized I was more than a week late for the first time in forever. And I couldn’t remember if he had used a condom except for the first time. I ran to the store and bought like five pregnancy tests. Four of them said positive. And then I don’t really remember what happened except that I slept and threw up a lot. And I went back to school and I tried to pretend like everything was fine, but it wasn’t. And then Jake left and I told Paul and Thom and now you. So that’s everything.”
Tears were streaming down my face by the time I was finished. Janie was sitting in shocked silence. I closed my eyes and just kept rocking. And crying. After what seemed like forever, but was probably just five minutes, she spoke.
“Well what are you going to do? If you need an abortion I think I could fake your mom’s signature. Or we can go look at adoption agencies together. Whatever you need, Em, I’m here.”
I opened my eyes. Janie looked worried, but sure. She was really offering to help me.
“Well I tried the abortion route, but I couldn’t do it. And I don’t really know about adoption, but it’s definitely something to think about.”
“If you’re planning on keeping it, you’ll need a job. I think that I could get you one here, Stephanie is always looking for people. And then you could get some baby experience too.”
I nodded. A job would be a good start. Janie never once brought up telling my parents or Becky.
We spent the rest of her shift discussing Melissa’s weirdness last night. I was grateful for two hours of baby free talk. I knew it would be hard from now on, I only had two more weeks until my second month, and I still had to visit the doctor, but I felt in control.
Most of my friends knew and they weren’t shunning me like I thought they would. They were accepting me and helping me. I would eventually have to tell my family, but for right now I was content. And that was what really mattered.